


Matoki, Gangs and Family

by IsaRedgrave



Series: KPop Groups as Gangs AU [1]
Category: B.A.P, EXO (Band), GOT7, K-pop, NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), others - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Adoption, Baby Boy Bang Yongguk, Brotherly Love, Comedy, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gang AU, M/M, Multi, Spoiled Junhong, Team as Family, Top Kim Himchan, this is a hot mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2019-10-22 20:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 53,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17669948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsaRedgrave/pseuds/IsaRedgrave
Summary: Jongup and Junhong steal something belonging to the beloved husband of Matoki's Leader; Kim Himchan. Naturally, life soon becomes one disaster after another.or,In Which Scary Gang Leader; Kim Himchan Is Just As Fluffy As His Husband And They Adopt Four Hot Messes As Kids.





	1. In Which Jongup Regrets His Life Choices.

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy this mess of a fic.  
> do not take the warnings seriously. At the moment it is just a barrel of laughs but if things become darker I will post individual warnings.  
> Love, Isa.

When stealing nice cars, it's generally a good idea to check that the car you're targeting does not belong to the husband of Kim Himchan; the leader of the ruthless Matoki gang. Because that bitch will be out for revenge and he would not stop until he, or his minions got you.  
But we didn't know who the owner was then, and we certainly didn't expect to be chased across the country. Well, just Seoul. And we weren't chased. More, apprehended. By Goons One and Two. 

Of course Junhong did not know what would happen to us once we'd located the pristine black car. Sure, it did look nice and super expensive but it didn't seem that special. Voicing that thought had led to a minor tantrum and an episode of 'mansplaining' from my dear dongsang.

But I digress. 

"Seriously hyung? You really don't care?"

I did care. But not about the car. I was in the game for the money. The juicy paycheck waiting for us was just too good to ignore.  
"They all look the same to me" I shrugged, "I think we should be careful though. There's something not quite right about this"  
Junhong scoffed, totally disregarding my concerns "you mean 'all cars look like money and not mine' That's why we do this Uppie-hyung"

Junhong is a Grade-A idiot. Seriously, I might not know much about the cars we steal but I do know when the little shit is biting of more than he (we) can chew. Like I said, this car is fucking pristine. Obviously an import and looks like it should be the centrepiece of someones collection. It should not have been causally parked in front of a shitty club on a deserted street. Fine. It wasn't exactly a deserted street, but this car was obviously the nicest here. 

I took a moment to double check the coast was clear before unzipping my backpack and handing Junhong his prized 'Ladies'. He grinned widely, taking the tools with a stupidly eager flourish. "Hello there my Beauties. " Junhong greeted, blatantly ignoring my concerned (and maybe just a tiny bit judge-y) gaze. "Don't worry Girls, Mr. Grump's just being a little bit of a tit." 

"Excuse me?!"

How dare this bitch insult me! ME! I'm the one that took him in, clothed him and fed him - look, ok, Junhong is a pig, he'll eat anything if I didn't manage our groceries carefully. Urgh... I did it again, didn't I? Right. Focus Uppie. You need to focus. 

To be fair the street was deserted so... maybe that should have been warning enough. I mean who would be stupid enough to leave such a beautiful car here? Obviously it was a trap. A trap that was waiting to spring shut on us. I wonder what form the trap would take? Oooohhhh, I bet it would involve cute puppies and maybe fir- "what are you doing?"  
"Um, ya know. Just watching My Jello steal this car" I answer absently, focusing upon Junhong as he jimmy-ed the lock.  
"You trained Jello to steal cars!"  
"As in my friend; Junhong."  
"Ah. So why this car?"  
"Because we getting paid."  
"Ooo paid?"  
"Yeah. Like hella dolla"  
"So...do you like...do this often?"

"HYUNG!" Junhong's shocked shriek made me jump. There was a moment of silence between us. It was weird. He knew not to make too much noise when we were working. Why was he yelling n-oh. Oh dear. I know that look. The Oh-Shit-We-Need-To-Run-NOW! look. Junhong is staring at something to the right of me. "I'm guessing I wasn't talking to you huh?" I ask. Look, ok I know it wasn't Junhong now and I needed to break the tension. Beside me is a good-looking, sharp-suit wearing man. Honestly, the whole situation was hilarious. This guy looked as shocked and scared as we did. 

I didn't get to stare too long though because Junhong grabbed my hand and all but threw me into the car. Ah nice. Leather seats! And good leather too. Oh my god, it even smelled good in here... like super classy aftershave, old but well cared for leather and just a touch of tobacco. Huh? Right. Suit Guy. Well a quick look in the rearview tells me that he's still staring. Which is good I guess. At least he's not-oh dear god. There's another Suit Guy. OH SHIT!  
"DRIVE HONGIE!"  
"What do you think I'm doing!"  
"GUN! JELLO THEY HAVE GUNS!"  
"Well-fucking-done genius. I KNOW THEY HAVE GUNS”  
“Don’t yell at me!”  
“You were supposed to BE LOOKING OUT FOR ME!”  
“YOU TOOK TOO LONG!”  
“Oh go suck a dick, Hyung.” Junhong snaps as he expertly navigates the street. We duck instinctively as we hear glass shatter, “THEY SHOT US! THEY SHOT US!”  
Junhong glances at me concerned, “You hit?” he asks. He sounds odd. Kinda scared, actually. “Hyung!” he calls, shaking me with one hand. “I’m fine” I answer, oh look, I’m shaking. So’s Junhongie. “I think we might be in trouble Hyung” he says, driving into a scruffy parking lot.

Well no shit. 

“I told you it was risky” Junhong’s right though. We really are in trouble now. Not only were we shot at but the Goons had damaged the car. Our buyer was definitely going to take the cost to repair it out of our checks. That didn’t really bother me though. I was more concerned with Junhong. He was breathing weird. And he’d gone an odd pasty colour. Like all the life had drained o- “Please tell me you’re ok”  
Junhong grimaces. 

Oh no.

“My top is kinda wet” he confesses, “at the back” his voice is really quiet, practically whispering. I don’t know what to do. Cuts and scrapes I can deal with but this? I’m clueless. I’m trying not to let the panic show on my face as I check Junhong’s front. His tee is a little dirty but not bloody. The back of it though… it’s soaked. “Hyung?” That’s not good. Junhong voice shouldn’t be croaky and wet. It’s not good at all. He shouldn’t be coughing either. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!


	2. In which Captain Sass and his Sidekick; Stupid is introduced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Bodyguards!

Looking after Bang Yongguk was possibly one of the easiest jobs I have ever had. What was not so easy was babysitting my ever-so-mature colleague. Daehyun was a menace. One would think he was a child with the amount of whining and -  
"Daehyun if you touch that I swear to god I will peel your skin off and wear you like a glove" I see him gulp and sheepishly retract his hand. The stupid bitch was about to touch a decorative vase, one of our Boss' prized possessions. Knowing Dae as I do, he would have undoubtedly broken it. "You don't have to be so mean" he whines. I'm like, who does this bitch think he is? "Of course I do." I snap "you don't listen"

Oh great. Yongguk is laughing at us. I glare heatedly at Daehyun who pokes his tongue out at me. "Sooo Hyung" he says instead, talking to Yongguk "what we doing today?" Our charge gave us a sunny smile and shrugged "Channie didn't eat breakfast today. And he forgot his lunch" Dae gasps dramatically, of course this pabo would be shocked by someone not eating. 

As for me? Well, I just sighed and went over the pros and cons of allowing Yongguk to visit the Boss. Pro, Yongguk would be happy. Con, Himchan would not. Pro, Yongguk would have delivered the Boss' lunch, ergo the Boss would not be so much of a dramatic bitch when he eventually came home. Con, it would be my ass that'd be chewed out. Because Dae would just do his cute 'love-me-hyung' routine and Himchan would cave. 

Sometimes I wonder how a Walking Disaster like Himchan became the leader of the ruthless Matoki Gang. And marrying a cute preschool teacher? Honestly. Such a shame. 

Yongguk is far too good for Himchan. 

Basically, the Boss will yell at me but I would've done my job so it's not like he's actually going to fire me. 

He might fire Daehyun if he knew it was him that ate the Boss' leftover cheeseburger. #Yuck. 

Who am I kidding. No-one else would hire us and Himchan can't take the risk of hiring new bodyguards for Yongguk. We had something more rare than jewels. We had their trust. 

And Yongguk liked us. I won't call him Appa though. No matter how much he begs us. And I will never ever call Himchan Eomma. It's a risk to even call him Boss. Naturally, Daehyun caved in, calling Yongguk 'hyung'. Thank god he has some fucking sense. 

Its a fucking miracle. 

Yongguk shuffled towards the door like a overly tired penguin, which was cute I guess. What wasn't cute was the fact he was about to open the door. 

Without us. 

His bodyguards. 

Whose actual job is like to be BETWEEN Yongguk and danger. 

We are currently not BETWEEN Yongguk and danger. 

With a rather unflattering squeak I rush forward and slam the opening door, shut. "NO! Bad Hyung. STAY!" Dae yells. "What if there was a mega-super-mad guy with a gun hmm? What would happen then huh? YOU'D BE DEADER THAN YJ'S SOUL"

"Oh my god you did not" I cant believe him! Not only did he tell Yongguk to 'stay' like he was a damn dog or something but this bitch openly yelled at hi-yep there he goes. Yongguk is tearing up. Making Yongguk cry is a shootable offense. Himchan will kill us both. Great. I was totally looking forward to being shot today. I just bought this suit. Bullet holes add to the character of it I suppose...

"I'm sorry" Yongguk sniffles, "I just wanted to take Channie his lunch" Oh for goodness sake. He's really crying. Emotions are stupid. I glare at Daehyun. He made him cry so he can fix it. 

Daehyun is panicking. 

He should be. Not only am I going to legitimately peel him like a grape, Himchan will too. Or maybe not. Maybe he'd rub salt into the wounds. That I will cause because this bitch is getting on my nerves. 

"JUST HUG HIM YOU IDIOT" I hiss at Dae. Seriously. I. Am. Killing. This. Bitch. 

I guess Dae can see just how mad I am because he launches himself at Yongguk (carefully missing the precious paper bag) and captures the poor man in a tight Dae-Death-Hug. "I'm sorry Hyung!" He says, now wiping Yongguk's face with a grubby tissue. No doubt it was found in the depths of Dae's disgusting pockets. "Please don't tell the Boss" he adds.  
By some miracle we eventually make it to Yongguk's car; a sweet 1996 Bentley Continental T. I know! Himchan is seriously rich. The best thing about the car? I get to drive it. 

Like I would let my Charge drive his own car. 

Also the Boss would cut off my balls. 

"Stop pouting Yongguk-ssi" I am really not sorry, "I'm just doing my job" Of course I'm only doing my job. I should mention that I took the time to attend a course of evasive driving. Because I do that kind of thing. To protect Yongguk. Incase someone really wants to kill him. 

Which is a possibility. 

Because Himchan's criminal enterprises are ruffling a few feathers. The Exodus gang are particularly keen to muscle in on the Boss' patch. And the easiest way to do that is killing Yongguk. 

Which we obviously DO NOT WANT. 

A dead Yongguk equals a very ANGRY Himchan. Who would undoubtedly ease his heartbreak with our inevitable dea-"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY PLAYING CANDY CRUSH RIGHT NOW?"  
Daehyun meeps and throws his phone down. It lands in the footwell with a dull thud. "No?"  
"It's only a game Jae." Yongguk adds, the poor guy is trying to ease the tension. "But your safety isn't, Yongguk-ssi" I almost snap. I don't want to upset him but really, he has to understand that he is in danger and "DAEHYUN IF YOU DON'T DO YOUR DAMN JOB I WILL DIG YOUR EYEBALLS OUT WITH A RUSTY SPOON" 

Daehyun gulps. 

Shit goes quiet. Which is great because I am kinda, like, driving. 

"Hey Hyung?" Dae pipes up as he carefully surveys our surroundings, "what did you make the Boss?" Yongguk startles a little. He's prone to spacing out. Hence why he needs constant supervision, well apart from the small matter of the price on his head. 

I'm pretty sure we're in the clear right now though so I don't stop Dae from badgering Yongguk about the Boss' lunch. 

Besides, it makes Yongguk happy. 

A happy Yongguk is the best kind of Yongguk. 

Maybe. 

"Just pull up out front Jae" Yongguk says, still smiley and happy. I'd been tuning the pair out for the most part. "I'll just hop out and then we can go yeah?" I give him the best Bitch Face I can muster, the one normally used when Dae says something utterly stupid. Again.  
"Yeah, that's not gonna happen hyung" Dae explains patiently "We go first then you." He laughs "Jae will have a fit if you try to go first again!"  
"More like the Boss will shoot us" I grumble. Quietly. Because the last thing I need is for Yongguk to pull his 'Sad Otter-face'. 

I fucking love Otters. 

Right. Business time. I pull up in front of the club and check that the coast is clear. Once confirmed, Dae climbs out the car and makes a dash for the club door. He nods. Great. All clear then. 

Once I'm out of the car I open Yongguk's door ushering him out. He seems baffled but I don't have time to explain that the street has no cover and I don't want to be 'fired'. Thankfully he doesn't ask any questions and does as he's told. 

The inside of the club is quiet, the barman is busy drying glasses. He nods respectfully. As he should. A few other high-level goons are dotted about. Yongguk says they're nice. They're not. I don't really have the heart to tell him those guys are nice to his face because the Boss would happily kill them. Or I would. 

Now that we're inside the club we can relax a little. Sure, we still have to be on our guard, just incase something *does* happen but the likelihood of anything going down here is like, nil. I'm about to head to the bar when I'm stopped by Yongguk grabbing my hand. "C'mon Jae" he says, tugging a little, "Channie misses you too!" 

I throw a rather poisonous glare at the Goons. They know not to laugh at me. Saying no to Yongguk IS SOMETHING YOU DO NOT DO. Unless saying no somehow keeps Yongguk safe. Then its ok. 

The journey to the Boss' Big Bad Office is a relatively short one. A few meters down a pleasantly decorated hallway and we're here. Dae, who was once more chattering inanely, stops before the door and knocks. 

Of course we weren't going to just barge in! Now, I know that Yongguk is aware of what his beloved actually does but the Boss is a little shy. He'd rather Yongguk didn't see him going about his gangster-y business. It's ridiculous really. Telling the Boss he's being a prat isn't something I'm about to do. Not even Dae is that stupid and he called Himchan 'eomma' once... I grin to myself, remembering just how the Boss made Dae cry. It was beautiful. Even I'm not that savage. 

"Jae! You're scaring Hyung!"

"No I'm not!" I snap back. I risk a quick glance at Yongg-ah, I am scaring him. Oops. Mental note 2015: Do Not use the Creepy-Stalker Smile. "Sorry Hyung" I apologise quickly, keen to move on. I really don't need the Bo- "YoungJae! What did you do to Gukkie?" 

Oh shit. 

"Heh..."  
Himchan greets us with a withering glare. He really is protective of Yongguk. Speaking of Yongguk, the man happily sweeps into the office and proudly shoves Himchan's lunch into his hands before chastely kissing Himchan on the cheek. "He was being creepy!" Dae announces with a shit-eating grin. I elbow the little fucker in the side, winding him. "He's a fucking liar"  
Yongguk gives me a stern, fatherly look and shakes his head "please don't hit your brother"  
"Oh for the love of God, DAEHYUN IS NOT MY BROTHER!" I hiss. How dare he! I know he sees us as family but really? REALLY?!  
"He isn't?" Himchan questions with a confused tilt of his head. Oh, he's a fucking snake! He knows! He bloody well knows we're not related. I see a little sparkle in his eyes as Yongguk giggles at us, well me. He is laughing at me. "I'm going to the bar" I huff, "Dae watch the car" He pouts but does as he's told. 

We leave Yongguk with the Boss and head back down the hallway. "You're so mean to me" Daehyun whines, "you watch the car!"  
"Did you just ORDER ME?!"  
"Ummm. No?"  
"Fuck you Daehyun. I hope you die in a hole"  
"Oh wow Jae. WHY DO YOU HATE ME?"  
"Hang on Dae, I have a list right fucking here"  
"Haha, you're so weird. Your gun isn't a li-" Daehyun shuts up suddenly, he stiffens and whimpers "Three seconds Daehyun" I say pitilessly. I know, I know. I never said I was a nice person though, did I? "One..." and he's gone. Running up the hallway with a shriek. 

Now. How about that drink?


	3. In which Daehyun's knees meet the carpet

"YOU ABSOLUTE, BLITHERING, IDIOTIC SLUG!"  
"I'm so-"  
"I ASKED YOU TO DO ONE THING! ONE FUCKING THING!"  
"Jae ple-"  
"One thi-!"  
"You are both incompetent" Himchan snaps, his frigid voice cutting me off. He's seething. And about this close to shooting us. I can't believe it. I'm not sure the Boss can either. I hate being labelled as incompetent. I hate failing. 

I hate Daehyun. 

"How could the two of you fuck up like this?" It's a rhetorical question but Dae opens his mouth, preparing to answer. The Boss doesn't let him, "You're lucky Gukkie wasn't in the car" he says. Yongguk is awkwardly hovering just behind Himchan. He keeps shifting his weight from foot-to-foot, fidgeting nervously.  
I wish I could tell what Himchan was thinking but his face is carefully blank and his voice, although disappointedly cold, is steady. It doesn't help that we're on the other side of the Boss' mahogany desk, standing heads-bowed as though we're naughty school children. 

It'd be better if we were. 

Less chance of getting shot. 

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit he's opening The Drawer. *fuckfuckfuckfuck* he's actually going to shoot us this time. Over a fucking car. Fuck. Besides me, Daehyun gulps and leans heavily on me. I can feel him trembling, he's too afraid, too upset to stand unaided. At the sight of the matt-black gun Daehyun whimpers. He was never cut out for this life. I should never of dragged him int-oh my god, I have so many fucking regrets. Too many to list. 

I can’t help but flinch as the gun goes off. Daehyun cries out and crumples to the floor  
I hadn’t realised that I’d closed my eyes or that I’d been holding my breath. It’s like, for a brief moment everything had gone hazy, staticky and… maybe I was just as scared as Dae. 

I know I’m next. . .

The shot doesn’t come. 

Daehyun is sobbing.

I don’t expect to see Yongguk standing between us and Himchan’s gun. There’s specks of dust and paint chips fluttering down around the pair. “Don’t,” Yongguk says, low and quiet, “*please don’t*” he repeats. I can’t see Yongguk’s face but I can see the sheer shock and horror on Himchan’s face. Himchan had pulled the shot.  
He stands abruptly, but hesitates, unmoving. “How dare you!” He looks like he’s torn between wanting to push Yongguk away or hold him closer. Himchan settles for letting the gun slip from his hand instead and grabbing Yongguk by the collar of his shirt, “How dare you?” I could’ve shot you!” There’s a hint of desperation in his voice. Yongguk pulls away, he turns to us. He’s pale and his eyes are just, *dark*. 

I’ve never actually seen Yongguk angry before. 

It scares me more than Himchan ever could. 

“You will fix this mess.” He says, I nod dumbly, rendered mute. “Go.”

I am not a fool. At least, I never thought of myself as one. Staying still, frozen and staring will not go down well. But I can’t. Yongguk’s expression softens, “It’s ok Jae.” It isn’t ok. We messed up. We lost Yongguk’s car. 

I shot the damn car. 

“You shot Gukkie’s car?” Himchan says suddenly, “For fuck sake Youngjae!” He raises his hand, I flinch thinking he’s going for his shoulder-holster but he bypasses it and instead cards his fingers through his hair, sighing. “Fine.” Himchan huffs, “but this time, I swear. You fuck this up and I will shoot you both. Am I clear?” 

“Yes” Dae croaks as carefully climbs to his feet. I don’t wait for a dismissal. There’s no point. We’ve been given our orders.

We will not fuck up. 

I almost pity the poor idiots who stole Yongguk’s car but they almost got my hyung killed and I am *pissed*

****IAmALineBreak****

There’s a cabinet under the bar. Car keys live in it. Dae once said the cabinet was like one of those gemling-things. You know, the ones that steal shiny things? Sometimes he makes me wonder if he’s ok. 

He’s not ok right now. 

I know the other members heard what happened. They had heard the gunshot. I guess from the look of some of their faces that they didn’t expect us to leave Himchan’s Big Bad Lair alive. They sure as hell didn’t expect Daehyun to leave it alive. Had I been Himchan, I wouldn’t have let Daehyun live. But I’m not and I’ve never been more glad to have Daehyun’s stupid, annoying self at my side. If I could stop shaking then I would be able to intimidate these bitches and squash any rumours before they started. The last thing Himchan needed was gossiping goons.

Letting us go unpunished is a mistake. 

Yongguk makes Himchan weak. 

This will hurt us more in the long run. I won’t be surprised if there’s a price on our heads now. By letting us go Himchan basically announced to the entire underground that he cares for us. In a way, he’s labelled us as family. 

The only way I could fix this now was to find the damn car, kill the idiots who stole it and then maybe disappear. With Daehyun. He’d kill himself within the week if I left him. Through some stupid accident. Probably as he tried to cook. So yes. Leaving would definitely benefit Matoki. It’d hurt Yongguk though. So leaving isn’t an option. 

Then again, wiping out another of the gangs would do the same thing. I’m thinking FANXY would be a good start.  
“FANXY’s not a gang Jae” Daehyun mumbles as we take the keys from the bartender and leave the club, “Technically they’re a Collective”  
“How the hell are they a Collective?” Of course they’re a gang! 

“Oh great.” I groan when the car’s lights flash in response to the unlock button. We’ve been given the keys to Kevin. 

Kevin is possibly the worst car in the world. It’s like hella old and smells of sweat, vomit and cheap cigarettes. There was a competition a few years back to name the car. Naturally Yongguk won. It’s also one hell of an insult. Daehyun frowns sadly at Kevin, we shouldn’t really be surprised considering what just happened. We were not average members of Matoki. Infact, I’m pretty damn sure Daehyun isn’t actually a member. 

If he was initiated, he’d never told me about it.

“Did Hyung give you the code?” Daehyun asks as he gingerly climbs into Kevin, “I can track it from my phone” I hum in reply, passing him a small slip of paper. Himchan had all but threw it at me before we’d fled the office. He goes quiet as he fiddles with his phone. 

I can’t take the silence.

“So why is FANXY a collective?”  
Daehyun perks up a little, “Because they’re independent. They only have their job in common, Jae.”  
“But they all work for Zico?”  
“Nu-ah. Well, maybe Kyung but Crush doesn’t” Dae smiles slightly. I consider it a small victory, he’s stopped shaking too. The phone buzzes. “Hah...that’s weird”  
Immediately I’m on my guard. If Daehyun says something is weird then it’s either *Fucking dangerous* or, just weird. I’m really hoping it’s the latter. “What’s weird Dae?” He grins. “Hyung’s car.” he announces, “It’s not too far from here” 

I smile a slow wicked smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little short I know but University sucks.  
> Love, Isa.


	4. In which YoungJae reveals he has a heart.

When I was little my Eomma told me that rain was the tears of angels washing our sins away, at the time I thought it was so sad that they were weeping for us. And a little funny. I was a kid. I hadn’t sinned. I didn’t understand.

The callous bastards aren’t crying now.

Junhong is quiet, near silent and so, so still. If it wasn’t for the slow beat of his pulse against my fingers and the rapid, stuttering, rising-fall of his chest, I’d think he was dead. He looks it. There’s an odd tint to his skin. _Blue_. It makes the delicate pattern of veins across his hands stand out. I wish Junhong would wake up. He’d know exactly what to do.

I can’t help him.

I’m literally sitting right here and all I can do is hold his hand. I don’t have a phone and if I leave him… _he might not be here when I got back_

I’ll be alone.

I can’t be alone again.

I should’ve been better, _done better._

I should’ve been the hyung Junhong thinks I am. If I’d worked harder, longer, _more._ We wouldn’t be here. I should’ve stopped him from taking the job. I should’ve never of let him _start in the first place!_  I failed Junhong, failed as his hyung, failed as his friend.

Junhong is dying.

He is dying and it’s my fault.

_I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msosososorry_

****IAmALineBreak****

Daehyun spots the car first.

One of the lights has been shot out. The entire rear windscreen is gone. There’s a peppering of bullet holes across the trunk. So…I may have emptied my gun. Damnit, I was pissed off! “ _Phew~_ Jae,” Daehyun whistles, I can’t tell if he’s impressed or maybe just a tiny bit concerned. “Did you have to?”  
“Shut up Pabo-ah”  
“The Boss will not be happy”  
“He’s never fucking happy”

Pulling up alongside Yongguk’s car would be easy but foolish. There is the chance that whoever took it is waiting for us. It wouldn’t be surprising, depending on who took the car, it could be an elaborate trap to draw us out and shoot us dead, or, my personal favourite, a bomb. “Are you ready?” I ask Daehyun as I park Kevin carefully behind a wall. Leaving the car is always just a little scary. There’s a few tall buildings nearby. They offer perfect vantage points. He nods, wary. “Yeah. How’d you wanna do this?”  
“I’ll go first. You watch my back, ok?”  
“It’s my fault Jae” Daehyun says suddenly, grabbing my hand and halting me before I can leave the cover of the wall. “I should go first”  
Slipping out of Dae’s grip is harder than it is normally, he’s actually genuinely worried I suppose. I can’t help but flick the pabo on the forehead. Lovingly. “Let me do this Dae. It’s ok” he let’s go, reluctantly.

Edging out from cover is always nerve-wrecking. It feels like there’s an army of insects crawling over your skin and the butterflies are more akin to fucking pterodactyls. It makes me itchy and twitchy. Its kinda what makes me such a good bodyguard.Hyper-vigilance keeps you ali- there’s movement from the car.

I freeze in place. It was only a slight shifting movement from the Passenger, reaching across to something on the drivers side. A gun maybe? I can’t risk the Passenger getting the drop on me.

I have to act now.

Sprinting the last few meters gives me the advantage, cutting the time the Passenger has to prepare. In the heat of the moment I ignore the pained screech of the Passenger as I wrench him out of the car and all but throw him down on the ground.

There’s no gun.

It doesn’t matter.

“STOP! YoungJae, **NO**!”

It’s a kid.

A fucking kid.

He looks fucking terrified.

Daehyun rushes over and pulls me away from the kid. “I didn’t know” he says, “I didn’t realise. I only saw them for a second Jae. I didn’t know!” He’s already holstered his gun. “ _THEM?_ ”  
“There were two.” Daehyun assures me. It’s not fucking good enough. I’ve got one at gunpoint. Neutralised. He’s no threat. Daehyun broke cover. He left us open.

There’s another fucking kid.

“Don’t! _Please don’t!_ ” The kid on the ground babbles, hands up, defensive and placating. Now that I’m paying attention I realise he’s in his teens. Definitely on the wrong side of eighteen. Oh fuck. He’s young. Too young to be stealing cars. His eyes are red, bloodshot and puffy. Had he been crying? I couldn’t see any track marks. So not dru-his hands are smeared a shocking crimson.

Blood.

It’s blood.

I have a terrible feeling.

There, slumped against the driver’s door was the other kid. Younger, smaller than the first. Too fucking still. “Oh fuck me”

I shot a kid.

_I shot a kid!_

The other kid is crying, huge, ugly sobs that rack his body. He’s still begging. Daehyun is trying to console him but he’s struggling, “please” he cries, “please, help h’gie” he stills just long enough for Dae to readjust his grip. It’s all the kid needs to break free and throw himself at me. He doesn’t weigh much but the force of the impact throws me back a little “ _Please!_ You have too! _He’s all I have_. Please! _Don’t let him die_!”

 

Perhaps, I saw myself reflected in the actions of this kid. Maybe, it was because I understood how it felt to be alone. It could have been because I also knew how paralysing it was to face being alone again.

Whatever it was…

The choice was clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive the short length.  
> I have just switched onto the masters section of my degree and I am seriously wishing I had not chosen History  
> #SadIsa


	5. In which Youngjae learns 'The Kid's' name

 

It’s not like I’ve had to get rid of a body or two before, but actively trying to prevent this kid from croakin’ was something else. For a start the other not-so injured Kid is skittering nervously after me and holding on the the expensive material of my jacket with his grubby little hands. Daehyun is equally nervous but a hundred times more useful. He’s got the door open and is now trying to lift the kid from the car.

 

I can’t keep calling them both ‘kid’.

 

“You.” I say, shaking the kid off, he flinches. Maybe he thought I was going to hit him or something? I don’t have time to dwell on his reactions though, “what’s your name?”. He seems a little startled to be asked for his name, too concerned with watching me and Dae. I don’t catch the wet, sniffly mumble. “Speak up!” I don’t mean to snap but I’m losing patience and this kid is wasting time. “Don’t yell at him” Daehyun huffs, “jus’ leave him and c’mere”

 

As soon as I move the kid freaks out. “Wait!” he cries, snatching at my jacket and yanking it with all his might. It’s enough to make me stumble. And piss me off.

“What?” I sneer, “I thought you wanted me to save your little friend” Shrugging the jacket off would be a sensible move but _it’s my goddamn jacket!_ “I swear I’ll shoot him if you don’t let go _RIGHT NOW!_ ”

“ **YOUNGJAE!”**

 

I want to help, I really do. It’s my fault his friend is dying. I just can’t take the tears. Or the unnecessary clinginess. Honestly, it’s not surprising this kid is trying his damn best to stop me getting close to his injured friend. Out of me and Dae I’m clearly the more dangerous. Plus, I was about to shoot this kid in the face before Daehyun yelled.

 

I did shoot his friend.

 

“ _YOUNGJAE!”_ Daehyun near screams, “Damn it, come here!”

 

It’s kind of difficult not to notice how pale the other kid is as I hurry over. It’s actually kind of beautiful in its own way. A sort of jarring contrast. Pale, almost grey, skin against the bright, glistening dribble of blood. As the kid - _boy,_ breathes more blood spills down his face. I’m glad he’s unconscious. Not only is he struggling to breath, but I’d say he was also pretty much drowning in his own blood. Really, it’s better he can’t feel, or at least register, what’s happening to him.

 

I’ve heard it hurts.

 

The other kid is near howling. Drowning in his own way, I suppose.

 

Daehyun shouldn’t, _couldn’t,_ lift this kid on his own. I’m torn. If we move him, it could almost certainly kill him, but if we leave him…“Call Seokjin.” I tell Daehyun, he fishes his phone out of his pocket and grabs the other kid none-to-gently by his arm and drags him away to Kevin. The kid thinks we’re obviously leaving his friend because I can hear him screaming and cursing, something along the lines of _“you promised, don’t leave him”_ and a heart-wrenching cry of what I assume is his friend’s name.

 

Then it goes silent.

 

I don’t like the silence but I hate the ragged, choked breathing of this kid even more. Without the friend, it’s easier to concentrate on lifting this boy from the car. It goes smoothly enough. I’m careful to hold his head a little higher in the hope it makes it easier to breath - it doesn’t. The noise he makes is awful. A cross between a whimper and something else.

 

This kid knows he’s dying.

 

I can see it in the way he’s fighting for breath, in the way he’s frowning. It’s in the way he leans, ever so slightly, into my hold. It’s unconscious but clear that he’s seeking comfort.

 

He’s scared.

 

Daehyun slides onto the backseat, he’s going to hold the boy up a little. “What’d you do with the other one?” I ask, carefully laying the boy down on the back seat. I don’t care about the blood on my hands. Neither does Daehyun.

 

Kevin sure as hell doesn’t care.

 

Daehyun smiles humourlessly “In the trunk”. He’s trying to wipe the blood of the boy’s face. I wish he wouldn’t. I don’t want to see how young the boy really is. “Is he ok?”

“I didn’t shoot him if that’s what you’re asking” Daehyun snaps, voice frigid and cold. Daehyun knows that’s not what I meant. He also knows I would’ve never of shot at the car if I knew it had been taken by a couple of kids.

 

Part of me wants to yell back at him for daring to judge me. The other half of me knows I deserve it, _I’m judging me._ I want to blame him for not telling me they were kids but he didn’t know. I didn’t know.

 

 _“Hurry”_ Daehyun is doing his best to stem the bleeding. He never cared much for his clothes and his jacket is pressed against the bulletwound. It can’t be a comfortable angle to hold, for him and the boy. It’s not working. The white of his shirt has been stained. His sleeves and stomach are wet, blood-red and sticking against his skin. I am hurrying. I’m pretty sure I’ve broken three traffic laws. I don’t bother heading for the hospital. The doctors there can’t be trusted and they’d asked far too many questions.    

 

I get the feeling that these kids don’t want to be in the system.

 

I can hear Daehyun in the back, whispering sweet, comforting nonsense to the boy. He’s telling him that “ _it’s ok, we’ll take care of you, you’re gonna be ok”._ It’s perverse. Dae’s telling him we’ll take care of him when we’re - _me,_ are the ones that hurt him in the first place.

 

It’s probably too late.

 

I should’ve finished him off.

 

It’s better than this.

 

“Seokjin is waiting for us” Daehyun says suddenly, “He says to go around the back” he doesn’t wait for a response and goes back to soothing the boy, this time with a lullaby.

 

The city flashes past, indistinct and chaotic. A mess of colour, light and sound. There’s a faint restless buzz, just itching under my skin. I know what it is but I can’t help it. It’s toxic and I want to pullover. To stop and just remember to breathe, I can’t. I can’t stop because the boy is still breathing, still fighting to stay alive. If I stop he’ll die. If I stop then it means I killed a kid.

 

There was a witness.

 

The other kid saw me shooting. He saw my gun and my fac- _oh god he knows my name!_

 

If I stop then the boy dies and I will have to end the other boy’s life.

 

They’re just kids.

 

Teens who got caught up and set up.

 

They’re just stupid little boys who shouldn’t have been out on the street.

 

_I can’t let them die._

    

So I don’t stop. I keeping driving, too fast, too reckless, cutting corners and jumping red lights. All the time that Dae is singing and murmuring nonsense I know the boy is breathing and alive. It’s little comfort. As the minutes pass the boy’s breathing is getting worse, catching and choking as he’s fighting for breath.

 

My own breathing eases as I spot the corner of the old warehouse that houses Seokjin’s clinic.

 

Normally I wouldn’t dare cross into another gang’s territory but Bangtan are blessedly neutral. And Seokjin is the best doctor in Seoul. If anyone could save the boy it was him. As I enter the parking lot behind the warehouse I can see Min Yoongi waiting with a gurney. I’ve barely parked the car before I’m scrambling out and calling for Yoongi. He helps me lay the boy out on the gurney and strap him down.    

 

I would’ve protested the straps normally but I’m not the one on the gurney and right now, with the speed that we’re pushing the damn thing at, it’s better he’s secured safely. Seokjin joins us as we make it inside. He’s talking but I don’t hear him. All I care about is this too-thin slip of a boy. I want him to be ok so badly that it hurts. It’s not until I’m shoved back that I realise we’ve made it to Seokjin’s Inner Sanctum.

 

Only Seokjin enters with the boy. I can see the shadow of two other people, probably Taehyung and Jungkook. Maybe Hoseok. But not Namjoon. I’m not there. I should be there. I should be with the boy.

 

Yoongi barrs the way.   

 

Yoongi is a icy-bastard.

 

He won’t let me pass. Nothing works. Not begging, bargaining. Threatening him just earns me a small smile and a condescending pat. It’s Daehyun that restores my calm. “Jae, I’m going to get the kid.” I nod absently, I’m so busy trying to make Yoongi melt with my glare that I fail to notice Jimin. His voice startles me, “Wait Daehyunnie-hyung” He orders. Daehyun complies. He’s always been fond of Jimin. “Here. Change first” Jimin says, handing a folded tee-shirt and an opaque bag to Daehyun. Jimin is a little sunshine sometimes. I can’t imagine the kid was going to be happy when Dae let him out of the trunk. It would be worse for the kid if he saw Daehyun covered in blood. I return to glaring at Yoongi, willing the man to crumple or melt.

 

I don’t see Jimin leave.

 

And suddenly I’m left alone to face questioning from Yoongi, “Another kid Jae?” He asks mildly, “I didn’t know you collected strays now” he smiles a little, relaxing now that I’m not trying to throw him out of the way of the doors. “It was an accident”

“So was losing your boss’ car, apparently”

“h-How d-”

“Oh please.” Yoongi drawls, “You do know that Jihoonie knows _everything”_

 

I’ve always been afraid of Yoongi’s youngest brother. Min Jihoon was a grade-A bitch as well as a sadistic and cruel man. I pitied his gang; _Pledis_. Jihoon was an information-broker of sorts. Invaluable and dangerous. From what I knew of Jihoon, he was loyal only to his brothers and maybe Seungcheol.

 

When Yoongi said Jihoon knew everything, he really meant _everything._

 

“Well, we found it so we didn’t lose the car. It was just temporarily misplaced”

“I heard it was stolen, right out from under your noses” Another voice chimes in. This time I don’t freeze up, nor do I stutter. I knew the owner of this voice and truth be told, _I hated every inch of her being_ . “Hello Baekhyun” I greet the pretty woman pleasantly. I’m actually proud of myself for not going for my gun and blowing her brains out. Baekhyun laughs, “Wow, Youngjae. So uptight” she comments, mocking and with just a little hint of something _else._

 

I’d like to say it was hatred.

 

It wasn’t.

 

I knew Baekhyun well enough to know when the she-devil was flirting. Yep, definitely flirting. Honestly, everything from the sweet-fluttering of her eyelashes to the perfectly glossed lips was screaming ‘cute’ and ‘sexy’.

 

I hate her so much.

 

Professionally of course.

 

“Baek! Hi!” Daehyun calls, he happens to be in love with her. I don’t think he knows it though. He’s retrieved the other kid from the trunk and had escorted him inside. The kid is wary and standing as far away from Daehyun as he can, which isn’t far enough considering Dae has ahold of his arm. “Ah, the other Stray” Yoongi says, sounding like he’s having too much fun at our expense. “Did you get the coffee machine fixed?” I asked after a too-long moment of silence, the last time I was here, Namjoon had broken the damn thing. Thankfully Yoongi nods, “Go ahead. Jimin just brewed a fresh pot”

“Sounds convient”

“I had him make it when Daehyun called. It sounded like you guys would need it” Yoongi says, he knows me too well I think.

 

Seokjin’s clinic is an odd place. There’s the ‘Inner Sanctum’ where he performs the medical miracles that make him so popular, the triage room where Yoongi, Taehyung and Jungkook treat the minor injuries and a lounge area. I hadn’t seen what lay beyond the triage room before but I imagine that was where Namjoon did his business. The Lounge was my favourite place in the clinic. The sofa was just the right kind of squashy and the coffee was damn good too. I’m happily pouring myself a cup when I see the kid creeping over to me. “It’s free”

 

He freezes.

 

“Come here” I direct him to the sofa and pour another cup of the heavenly coffee. I’ve probably added way too much sugar to it but I think it might help calm him. He’s still shaking and from the way he’s curled in on himself, he’s very afraid of me. He’s looking at the cup, uncertain. With his fear so evident I decide it’s best to sit on one of the not-so squashy chairs. “It’s not poison. I promise” He takes the offered cup but waits until I sip my coffee before he tries his.

 

He’s a smart kid.

 

Smart but scared.

 

“My name is Youngjae and I normally work as a bodyguard” I find myself telling him. “The guy out there, the one that brought you in? His name is Daehyun. He’s my best friend and hyung” The kid is staring at me wide-eyed. I shouldn’t be talking to him. I should not be telling him anything. “That car you stole belongs to my Boss’ husband”

 

“It’s a nice car” He says, whisper-quiet.

 

“Yeah it is. It was a present.” I have no idea why I’m talking, “My Boss’ loves his husband a lot and buys him stupidly expensive presents. Hyung stopped trying to return them though because it hurt the Boss’ feelings” _Why am I telling him this?_ “But you can’t tell anyone that because the Boss wants people to think he’s mean and evil but he’s actually a soft Bean who loves-”

“Carry on Youngjae,” Baekhyun purrs, “I think your story is _fascinating”_ Baekhyun laughs at my sudden silence, “Is this him? The sneaky car thief?” She sashays over, I don’t like her being close to me. Baekhyun belongs to EXODUS.  

 

She happens to be one of their top assassins.

 

Being close to the _She-devil_ normally means one of two things, she’s going to kill you. Or fuck you.

 

I’d rather she didn’t do either of those things.  

 

“Why are you here again?” I snap. Beneath the aggression, I am genuinely curious. BTS have certain rules that they expect us to follow. The first is not doing business in their territory and the second is no killing in the Clinic. I know she won’t try to kill me. And there’s no way EXODUS would go for BTS. Especially when Seokjin’s Clinic was open to everyone.  “Ah, that’s what I forgot to ask you!”

 

Godbless Daehyun!

 

I think I might actually have to watch one of his stupid rom-coms with him later as a reward for saving me from this Witch. The kid is grateful too. He’d been side-eyeing Baekhyun, trying to work out if he could trust her. He could’ve been staring at her *unmentionables* but I’m inclined to think the kid’s survival instincts were more in control right now. Baekhyun grins widely “Kyungsoo stabbed me again!” she announces proudly.

 

Kyungsoo was the second of EXODUS’ assassins.

 

“Why?” The kid blurts, he shrinks back almost immediately, as though he’s expecting to be punished for talking. I see that Daehyun also noticed the strange behaviour. Baekhyun doesn’t notice. “I may have dyed her shirts pink.” She pauses, thinking, “Or it could be that I woke her up from her nap by screaming in her ear...nope, it’s definitely the shirt thing” Daehyun nods solemnly, “I would be mad if my shirts were dyed pink too”

 

This Bitch is fucking crazy.

 

Even the kid is slack-jawed at Baekhyun.

 

Daehyun joins the Kid on the couch, “Shouldn’t you be somewhere?” I ask curtly. The question is aimed at Baekhyun and she knows it. “You’re no fun Youngjae” she pouts, “you’re so mean to me”

“Get used to it sweetie, I’m mean to everyone” I reply with a smirk. Baekhyun huffs and stalks off leaving the three of us in peace.

 

“My brother,” the kid says, he’s not looking at us, instead he’s peering into the bottom of the cup “is he going to be ok?” It’s then that I realise Daehyun must of told him where we were. The kid had been a mess, begging and screaming for us to save his brother but now he was calm. A little too calm. I think Jimin might’ve sedated the kid. I can’t ask Daehyun though, not when the kid is sitting right there. I also don’t know how to answer the question. I just didn’t know.

 

“Seokjin-hyung is doing his best” Dae answers, there’s a falseness to his smile and a tightness to his voice that only I recognise because the kid seems to sag with relief. “S’good” he mumbles, “Junhongie is a good kid ya’ know? Strong too” He doesn’t seem all that bothered when Daehyun takes the cup from him and places on the nearby coffee-table. “Am I a bad hyung?”

“No.” Again, Daehyun answers immediately. He’s better at this emotional stuff than I am. “Not at all.” I don’t think the kid believes him because he laughs. An odd half-laughing sobbing noise that I know too well. “I didn’t catch your name” Changing the subject might help. I hope. He’s so quiet that I don’t hear him but Daehyun does. “Hello Jongup” he says trying to soothe the kid, “Seokjin is the best doctor there is. You can trust him to do his best”

 

The ki- _Jongup,_ doesn’t believe him.       

 

I don’t believe Daehyun and I _know_ that Seokjin would do more than his best to save Jongup’s, _Junhongie._

 

But it might be too late.


	6. In which there is coffee, a squashy - not squishy sofa and a sleeping Jongup

Jongup is asleep. 

 

He’s kinda cute when he’s sleeping and not screaming. He reminds me of an exhausted puppy. The way he’s snuggled against Daehyun’s side adds to the image. It had taken longer than expected for the sedative to kick in. Jimin had told us that he’d only given Jongup a small dose. He’d also said that the kid had been forcing himself to stay awake. 

Jimin’s excuse had been the classic “Hyung told me to do it” when I asked him why he thought he had the right to drug my Stray. 

 

I’m on my fourth coffee when Namjoon appears. He’s a sweet guy and normally pretty chill. Namjoon reminds me a lot of Hyung. They’re both intelligent, clumsy and way too good to be involved with the criminal underworld. He is not very happy right now. I’d go as far as saying Namjoon was extremely angry. I’d like to think I’m good at reading people, I’m great at it. Right now, my intuition is telling me that Namjoon is about to either beat the crap out of me or lecture me about gun safety. From the way that Yoongi has crept into the room wearing a malicious grin, I think it’s the former. Yoongi winks at me and slithers up to Namjoon. 

 

I swear that man is a snake. 

 

A fluffy, kittenish snake. 

 

I don’t really have time to debate Yoongi’s humanity because Namjoon is grabbing me by the throat and hauling me to my feet. Daehyun shifts, “Stay there” I croak. I know that Namjoon won’t violate his own rules. He’s clearly furious but he wouldn’t kill me. I also don’t want to disturb Jongup. He looks like he hasn’t slept properly in months and the longer the kid sleeps, the better. 

 

Namjoon squeezes. 

 

It’s natural to panic when you suddenly can’t breathe. Natural but stupid. Panicking only makes you die faster. Still, it doesn’t hurt to try and wiggle out of Namjoon’s grasp. “I should kill you” he hisses, “Hyung told me what you did”

“We were just doing our job!” Daehyun interjects, he’s shoving Jongup off and reaching for his gun. 

“STOP IT!” 

Namjoon flinches and drops me. Daehyun crouches down and checks me over. I’m fine, just a little lightheaded and coughing harshly. But, you know, fine. 

 

Jongup is still sleeping. 

 

I shove Daehyun off of me. I don’t need him accidentally smothering me now that I’ve avoided being choked by Namjoon. Someone helps me up and brushes imaginary dust off of my jacket. It’s Hoseok. The normally sunshiney-man is unnaturally blank and stony-faced. I had thought he was in the Inner Sanctum. “Is Junhong ok?” My voice is still a little hoarse, but there’s something else there. I’m not one to live with my heart on my sleeve, not like Daehyun but I just can’t seem to switch off the part that cares about these kids. 

 

It’s a part that I didn’t know I had. 

 

“No thanks to you” spits Namjoon, “I can’t believe you shot a kid. A Kid!” I knew that Namjoon was soft. I knew that he’d be disgusted and horrified by me shooting Junhong. It didn’t matter that I’d been doing my job, or that I didn’t know the thieves were kids. To Namjoon, I was a monster. 

 

I am a monster to Jongup. 

 

“Joonie-ah, Jinnie-hyung needs to order supplies. Could you help him?” Hoseok says. I’m not sure if Seokjin really needed supplies but I don’t question it too deeply. It gives Namjoon an excuse to leave, a way to make an exit that saves face. Yoongi remains. “You really fucked up today, haven’t you?” Like most of Yoongi’s ‘questions’ it’s rhetorical. The saddest thing about the question is that it’s true. Not only did I leave Yongguk’s car unguarded, I had shot the damn thing. 

And Junhong. 

 

I would’ve shot Jongup too. 

 

There are certain realities that we all have to face in this particular line of work. Death is common, loyalty can be brought and children are not off limits to some. The difference with Matoki and the surrounding gangs is that children  _ are off limits _ . By shooting Junhong, I’ve violated one of the unspoken rules. Even if it were an accident. “No-one knows” Hoseok says, breaking my train of thought.

“Are you kidding me?” It’s funny in a way. If Jihoon knew that Yongguk’s car had be stolen, he would damn well know that I’d shot the kid who stole it. And then there was the not-so little problem of Baekhyun. She had already asked if Jongup was one of the thieves. I hadn’t answered her but my silence on that was answer enough. It wouldn’t take her long to work out that Junhong was the other thief. _ And that I had shot him. _ “Baekhyun owes me a favour” Yoongi replies with a nonchalant shrug. “Baekhyun owes  _ you?”  _ I believe that Baekhyun does owe someone a favour but I sure as hell don’t think it’s Yoongi.

 

It means that Baekhyun is indebted to  _ Jihoon.   _

 

If Yoongi calls in Baekhyun’s debt to cover me that would mean I’d owe him.

 

And Jihoon. 

 

Hoseok agrees, “We can keep it that way Youngjae. Sure Himchan won’t be pleased with you but it’s better than being, oh I don’t know...lets say, dead.” There’s no arguing with their logic but it’s insulting and I hate owing debts. 

 

Especially to people I can’t trust. 

 

Daehyun is not as hesitant. “It was an accident.” he repeats, “we didn’t know” It’s a lame defense but it is true. If we had known that Jongup and Junhong were kids we would have approached the situation differently. Both Daehyun and Yongguk wouldn’t have let me go in gung ho. I would not have fired. “Accident or not you’ll both be pariahs.” Hoseok warns us. I know he’s not being an ass but it sucks. It sucks that he is right and I have fucked us over more than the kids did when they stole the fucking car. “If you’re lucky” Yoongi adds with glee. Before we can agree, Jongup’s quiet voice interrupts us. “What’s wrong? Is Junhongie ok?” he asks, alarmed. 

 

When Jongup had finally fallen asleep it had just been us, he’d been slumped against Daehyun and I had been on the phone organising the retrieval of Hyung’s car. It had been calm and empty. Now, Yoongi and Hoseok are here. I’m standing with my back to Jongup and Daehyun is side on to him. We must look like we’ve received bad news. The tense atmosphere and carefully guarded expressions don’t help at all. 

 

Hoseok smiles, bright and sunny, breaking the tension. “Yes. It got a bit dicey but he’s going to be fine” With Hoseok’s announcement, Jongup seems to crumble. It hits me that Jongup is just a kid. I knew he was young but seeing him cry with relief really drives it home. Dae is quick to pull Jongup into a tight hug, letting him hold on just as tightly as he cried. 

 

I don’t do anything. 

 

Just moving is enough to make Jongup flinch. Apparently Daehyun is still the lesser threat despite locking him in the trunk. “Seokjin-hyung says you can see him if you want?” Yoongi says, strangely gentle. The switch between Yoongi’s cold and mocking personality and this softly spoken, calm man was so sudden that I’m sure I have whiplash. I’m so used to Yoongi acting like an asshole that I forgot he actually cared for his brothers. 

 

I could see it now. The part of Yoongi that’s reserved for Jihoon and Minki. It’s clearly what Jongup needs. The crying eases, “I can?” Jongup sniffles, sounding young and scared and so desperate to see his dongsang. 

 

I hate it. 

 

I hate that I made Jongup sound like that. 

 

I hate that I’m the reason his brother was hurt. 

 

I hate that Daehyun is able to comfort the kid but I can’t. 

 

I hate that Hoseok takes Jongup and Daehyun but doesn’t allow me to follow. 

 

I hate the pity I see in the look I get from Yoongi before he too, follows Hoseok. 

 

I hate being alone. 

 

Without Daehyun to distract me I’m left with nothing but my thoughts for company. The thoughts in my head are not the nicest. I can’t drown them out by myself. It’s enough that I already feel sick with guilt but now that there’s nothing to silence them, my thoughts erupt in a toxic tide. It makes the guilt worse. It makes the darkness in my head too dark, too deep. Too real. Killing is easy. I had killed for Himchan, killed to protect and killed to save. I had never killed a kid. I wouldn’t. 

 

_ I could’ve killed Junhong.  _

 

“You should sit down before you fall down” 

 

Taehyung is leaning on the counter, casually drinking his coffee. He’s wearing a pair of scrubs and grey slip on shoes. There is blood on his shoe. He sees me staring at the bloodstain. “Jinnie-hyung says frowning will give you wrinkles.” Taehyung says “You should smile more. You have a pretty face, smile.” 

“Smile? Do you know what kind of day I’ve had!” _ How could this idiot just stand there and tell me to smile? _ “Himchan went to shoot my hyung! He was going to kill Dae and I just stood there! I JUST STOOD THERE” he says nothing, “I fucked up!” Taehyung is still quiet, watching me with an oddly calm gaze as he drinks his coffee, “ _ I SHOT A CHILD AND I WOULD HAVE FINISHED THE FUCKING JOB! I WOULD HAVE SHO-” _

“No you wouldn’t.” Taehyung placed the cup down and encases me in a hug cutting me off, “It’s ok to cry hyung” 

 

It’s not. It is so fucking not ok but now I can’t stop. It’s like the floodgates have opened. I’m trying to tell Taehyung that  _ it was an accident _ and that I’m so, so  _ sorry _ . I was scared, I was  _ too scared, too weak _ to help my hyung, I couldn’t protect Daehyun and then  _ I shot a kid and made the other kid suffer _ . “It’s ok” Taehyung soothes. He lets me go and takes my hand, leading me back to the sofa. I’m crying harder and harder and Taehyung is so caring, so kind and I don’t deserve any of it.

 

I am a monster.       

 


	7. In which Youngjae returns to Matoki

It’s Jungkook that’s tasked with driving me back to Matoki. I’m reluctant to leave Daehyun here but seeing as neither BTS or Jongup want me near Junhong, I’m left with little choice. I’m not gracious about it. I all but shove Kevin’s keys at Daehyun. He promises to keep me updated on the kids. I pretend not to care. Taehyung sighs, a little disappointed. He had hoped he’d made a breakthrough, well, hoped that I had.  The disappointment stings but I’d rather he just forget that I was sobbing across his lap like a child.  

I won’t acknowledge it.

The drive was silent. Not for a lack of trying though. Jungkook tried to coax me into a conversation, no doubt attempting to further Taehyung’s psycho-bullshit. He’d finally stopped trying after I pointedly turned away to stare out of the window. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to him. Jungkook is a nice kid. Too nice. I just… it’s obvious I’ve been crying and it would be better if he didn’t know I was just as human as he was. I don’t want him to think that I care. Pretending that I’m an unfeeling bastard would be easier if Taehyung didn’t know I felt just as deeply as Daehyun did. It would hurt my reputation if Jungkook knew too. Reputation was everything. It was my reputation that kept Yongguk safe. My reputation as merciless and driven was worth more to Himchan than my humanity. Any hint of humanity would be exploited, taken as weakness and turned against me. It would mean my, or worse, Daehyun’s death.

Taehyung had seen me breakdown. He’d seen my humanity.     

Jungkook would not get to see it.

I leave the car in the same heavy cloud of silence that I had cloaked myself with during the journey. Jungkook looks at me sadly, if I didn’t know better, I’d say he was trying to ‘save’ me or something and was hurt that I’d not given him a chance to plead his case. I didn’t need saving. There wasn’t anything left to save.  

I don’t bother saying goodbye.

The club had filled out. There were a few customers now and the more obvious signs of _business_ were no-longer present. My skin prickles as I saunter through the main room of Matoki. The barman is watching me warily and I spot a couple other members amongst the patrons, they need to up their game. If I could tell they were watching me someone else could. They’re so obvious that it’s laughable. I stare pointedly in their direction, smiling cruelly at the guilty flinches. They’re lucky I’m not from another gang. They would be dead otherwise.

As soon as I’m in the corridor, I lose the smile.

Unlike Yongguk I’m forced to knock and wait to be called in. It’s humiliating to be made to wait. It’s more humiliating to be treated with contempt. Especially from Himchan. It hurts to see the disgust on Yongguk’s face. I wasn’t expecting him to still be here. “Don’t you dare look at him,” Himchan says with such venom that I’m surprised he’s not spitting poison. There’s nothing I can say or do that would please him. If I speak out of turn it could end badly. If I fail to comply Himchan could hurt me. He’s within his rights to kill me. It’s safer when he’s like this to stand as still as possibly and look him straight in the eye. “Do you know what you’ve done?” I’ve barely opened my mouth before he’s silencing me with a single gesture, “I don’t think you do. You acted without thinking. It’s pure stupidity, Youngjae, stupid and reckless. And, AND, not only did you shoot a kid, _a kid,_ but now you owe Min Jihoon. _I owe Min Jihoon because of you! DO YOU EVEN COMPREHEND HOW FUCKED YOU ARE?”_

Of course I knew.

Everything that had happened since we found Hyung’s car had only reinforced it. Himchan was right. I didn’t need to open fire at the car-thieves. I had been too quick to reach for my gun. I had been too quick to trade the frying pan for the fire. I knew owing Jihoon meant that Himchan would be liable for my debt. Just like Namjoon, the fact that I didn’t know Junhong was a kid wouldn’t matter to Himchan. The fact that I had taken him to Seokjin wouldn’t matter. That I had still organised the recovery of Hyung’s car didn’t matter. Nothing fucking mattered.

“LOOK AT ME!”

I refuse.

I’m ashamed.

Himchan continues his tirade, he’s making it clear that I’m not worth the trouble and Daehyun would be better of without me, the fuck-up that I am. It feels like I’m choking, the lump in my throat, thick and stubborn. It’s not like I didn’t know Daehyun was better than me. The last thing I need is Himchan confirming it. I’m staring so hard at my feet that the edges of my vision are blurring, my eyes are prickling. I can’t fucking believe this! I’m tearing up like a fucking child, “m’s’ry.”

“Excuse me?” Himchan seethes, I can’t tell if he’s angrier that I’ve refused a direct order or that I spoke out of turn. “What the fuck did you just say?” The sharp, hollow laugh throws Himchan off, Yongguk is just as unnerved. “I said I was sorry.” I spit, I’d been hurting. Ashamed, and horrified. I was angry now. “I know! I know and I’m fucking sorry, ok?” I’m talking but I’m too tired to think. It’s not registering. Whatever I’m saying is enough to shut Himchan up. “Take me home Jae” Yongguk says suddenly, cutting through my ranting apology. I’m blinking owlishly mirroring Himchan’s confusion. “Come on Jae” Yongguk urges, “let’s go yeah?”        

“No” Himchan says. He wants to get rid of me. That much is clear but he won’t leave me alone with the one person he cherishes. “I’ll take you,” He glances at me. Himchan isn’t happy if the sour glare is any indication. “I trust Daehyun will take you home?” It’s a dismissal and a heartfelt question. He’s doing it again. Being weak and soft. Leaving me free to walk out, to walk away without punishment. Except this time it’s worse. Letting us go after the car was stolen could be played out as allowing us to rectify a mistake. Letting me go now was just as fucking stupid and reckless as I had been when I’d accidently shot Junhong. No-one other than Himchan and Yongguk knew I had shot Junhong. The Matoki members didn’t know I had shot him but they did know it was my fault we now owed a debt to Pledis. They probably heard me yelling at Himchan.

I was a liability to Matoki and Himchan.

 

****IAmALineBreak****

 

Yongguk convinces Himchan that I shouldn’t be left alone right now. Apparently I’m a danger to myself and I am not thinking ‘straight’. Jokes on him, I’ve never had a straight thought in my life. The joke falls flat. Himchan is clearly not amused and Yongguk is even more concerned. So now I’m sulking on the backset of the Boss’ car. They’d taken my gun. I get the feeling that if I was a cop, Himchan would’ve taken my badge too. I’m not a cop. I don’t have a badge and I feel incredibly naked without my gun. What if we’re attacked? What if they, _Yongguk_ dies because I couldn’t protect him?     

Himchan could choke for all I care.

Yongguk had tried to fill the awkward, chilly silence with the latest drama about his kids. Daehyun had told me that he’d found it hilarious that Yongguk worked in a daycare. For someone who was so gentle and caring towards children, marrying someone like Himchan was bizarre. Personally, I think Himchan made a terrible choice, he should have left Yongguk alone. I said it before and I meant it. Yongguk makes Himchan weak. It occurs to me that Yongguk had not actually made it into work today. He’d been stuck at Matoki. Or, maybe he hadn’t. Perhaps Himchan had someone else take him to Monsta’s and picked him up again. I’d somehow lost the day. In the ensuing chaos and the dull wait for someone to tell us if Junhong was ok, I’d lost track of time. It was not something that I particularly wanted to share with Himchan or Yongguk. If either of them knew I had no idea of the time or what had happened to it, they’d be concerned. It would not be the first time this happened to me. “Daehyun will be back shortly” Himchan tells me as the car passes the fancy gates marking the entrance to the driveway. Himchan’s house wasn’t particularly grand, nor was it small. Obviously it had cost more money than I’d ever make. I was lucky that we’d been granted the privilege of living here. As Yongguk’s personal bodyguards we had to be close.

It was nothing more than a gilded cage. A prison.

Daehyun disagrees but I had preferred our small apartment. It’d been the first place we’d been able to afford. The first where we’d been able to sleep without having to keep a knife under our pillows. The first place where we’d not had to trade favours for shelter. Where I had not had to trade myself for food. I never told Daehyun how I had managed to feed us. He had never told me how he’d been able to find us somewhere warm and dry to sleep in the winter. The apartment had been the one constant reminder that we had made it off the streets. I missed it.

Any hope I had had of disappearing to my room was immediately dashed. Yongguk wanted to ‘talk’. It was Daehyun that normally had these ‘little talks’ with Hyung, not me but I am loathe to walk away now. Especially as Himchan is not-so subtly marching beside me as Yongguk leads us into the lounge. He’s only there to stop me running off to my room. I’m not too fond of talking about emotions and whatever philosophical crap Yongguk epsouses. He would probably try and get me to acknowledge that I wasn’t to blame for Junhong’s brush with death. Him doing this doesn’t mean he’s forgiven me for shooting Junhong in the first place. Yongguk does not like it when children are involved. Or harmed. It’s one of the reasons that Himchan had introduced that Rule. Yongguk thinks Himchan should join this ‘talk’ too. He says it’s because I see the Boss’ as a parental figure and I am seeking his approval. I thought that Himchan was only staying long enough to make sure Hyung got his way. It was a trap. The armchair groans under my weight. Himchan winces at the sound, or, it could be the way I had thrown myself on it.   

It’s a shitty chair anyway. Shitty, but useful. It’s angled perfectly. From here I can see  through the french doors and out onto the patio.

I might be prickly and petulant but I still have a job to do. I could see if anyone was sneaking up via the garden. I could also see if anyone had entered the hallway. Looking for threats was a perfectly good reason to ignore Yongguk. That is, until he has Himchan pull the curtains closed whilst he shuts the lounge door. The picture the pair make as they return to the sofa is incredible.

Incredibly awkward.

And mildly amusing. They look like suffering parents who’ve just caught their kid sneaking back in after curfew, again. Or, parents who’ve reached the last of their patience and are holding an intervention. Even if that was what Yongguk was aiming for, it was far too late to intervene. Also it is totally Himchan’s fault I’m here in the first place. If he hadn’t of picked me up off the street then I wouldn’t have ended up sitting here, preparing myself for the lecture of a lifetime. Then again, if Himchan hadn’t of taken me in I would’ve died. Somedays I think it would’ve been better if I had.   

Today is one of those days.

“I’m tired” I announce, I don’t actually care that I haven’t been dismissed or that Himchan is probably plotting my death. I absolutely do not care that Yongguk looks like a sad otter. “So am I” Himchan confesses. His confession shocks me. It shouldn’t but it does. He’s the one that’s had to deal with the fallout of my actions. He’s the one that’s had to negotiate with BTS, and by extension; Pledis. He’d also agreed to cover Junhong’s medical fees. I, of course will have to repay Himchan but seeing as it is my mess, it’s only fair. At least it’s money I’m paying with. “You’re thinking about it again” Yongguk says. He has a nice voice. Deep and calm, it’s soothing. But also one of his more crafty tricks. Yongguk could convince a nun sell her soul if he actually bothered to try. He could be that damn persuasive. The question also helps. There’s only two answers. They’ll know I’m lying if I say ‘no’. If I say nothing Yongguk will continue talking until I break.

 

I want Daehyun to come home.

 

“What’s done is done Youngjae.” Yongguk says, “The past cannot be changed. What matters now is your actions. Wallowing in guilt and self-pity is not healthy and it won’t help you or Channie.” Himchan nods along, I scoff. He doesn’t have a fucking clue what Yongguk means. “You need to let it go Jae”

“Sure, ok. I’ll just let it go. That’s great advice Yongguk-ssi” Honestly, even if I wanted to ‘let it go’ I couldn’t. “This isn’t a Disney film. There’s no big happy ending”

“When did you get so bitter?” Himchan asks, this is in’t the first time I had been on the receiving end of a bad deal. I had mistakes before.

 

My mistakes didn’t normally have names.

 

“What’s going to happen to the kids?” The question was unexpected. Neither Yongguk, nor Himchan had thought I would ask. _I_ didn’t think I would care enough to ask. “Well… that depends on you” Himchan answers slowly. From the way that Yongguk is looking at him, I would say Himchan had not shared any details. “Me?”

“Yes. Namjoon can’t keep them. Obviously they can’t go back to where they came from and…” Himchan pauses, thinking, “it would be a very bad idea to leave them alone, especially as EXODUS knows they exist. I’m thinking that the kids might have some useful information or might know something that could hurt us” I can read between the lines. I had two choices. I could take them in. Find out what they know and get them set up in Matoki, or… or I had to get rid of them. Dead men tell no tales.         

 

If Junhong or Jongup died _now_ , after I had indebted myself to Min Jihoon I would be beyond _pissed_ . If EXODUS got hold of them, only to kill them when they were finished teasing every little scrap of information out of them, I would be _incensed_  

 

If either of the boys died I would be beyond murderously enraged.

  
I would become Death itself. I would make whoever hurt them _pay_


	8. In which Jongup reveals the harsh truth of life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for implied and explicit talk of past abuse, rape and child prostitution. 
> 
> Why the fuck am I doing this to my poor sons?  
> Love, a very sorry and sad Isa

I think I was twelve when I first met Junhong. It wasn’t unusual for the orphanage to have acquired another child during the night. Junhong had been small. Thin but plucky. He’d refused to let the bigger, meaner kids steal whatever scraps we were fed. That hadn’t ended well for him. Our caretakers had only patched him up. They ignored us mostly. It was better that way. The problem with Hongie is that he can’t bear the apathy. I had been the same but I had learnt the hard way what happened to those who stood out. Hongie was a little too pretty. A little too loud, _too noticeable._ I had had to act fast if I wanted to protect Hongie’s innocence and happiness. So I did.

The streets were mean but adults were crueller.

 

My world revolved around Junhong. I would have done anything to keep him safe. To keep him happy and healthy. I had done anything.

Theft for profit had been Junhong’s idea. There was more money in it but it would place Junhong in danger. It wasn’t that I was happy acting as an errand boy for whoever would pay me, it was just better than the alternative. The disagreement had escalated into a full blown argument. A rare thing for us. Technically Hongie was right, with both of us earning, we’d be able to afford better food, better clothes, _heating_ …I had given in. At first it had been easy. We’d take small items, selling fast and cheap. Months passed and we’d managed to save enough to live rather than survive. We progressed. Stealing bigger, better, more desirable items. And then we’d stolen a crappy little kia. It’d been harder to fence but I’d managed it. It turned out that Junhong was a gifted thief. The pair of us seemed unstoppable. I can remember how happy Junhong had been after we’d received our first order. The target had been an generic Nissan. The colour hadn’t mattered. We’d been rewarded with a generous payout. Junhong had been hooked. The rush was better than any drug induced high.

I wish we’d never taken the order for the Bentley. The order had not come through our usual contact. Rather, we had been approached directly. That there should have raised a red flag. I had been damn careful to keep our home private. The payment should’ve raised a dozen more. It had to be at least half a million. The most we’d ever been paid. It was enough to set us both up for life. Junhong could’ve gone to school. We could’ve been like the other kids our age. _Happy_ and _normal_ and not worrying if we had enough to eat or enough to pay the rent. I’d been blinded by what could’ve been that I had forgotten to look out for the catch. There’s always a catch.

I never expected the catch to be Junhong’s life.

 

“How are you doing?”     

It’s Daehyun. I wish he wouldn’t speak to me but he just won’t quit. The more he spoke to, and badgered me, the more I was starting to like him. I had to keep reminding myself that this man was the other half of the duo that shot Hongie. This was the man who’d locked me in the trunk. Daehyun was also the man that had hugged me and let me cry all over his chest.

When I had seen the shabby exterior of the warehouse I had expected very little. If anything, this place would have been nothing more than a place to hide a body. My suspicions hadn’t been helped by the mochi-faced bastard that had drugged me before I could punch Daehyun in the face. He definitely deserved it. The pink-haired Mochi didn’t have to be so smug about jabbing me though. I wasn’t happy. I was even less happy when I saw Daehyun’s partner. _He had shot my brother!_ I did not want him near my Hongie. The Partner was arguing with a shorter, scarier man. He was kind of pretty but he had an arrogant air to him. I liked him immediately. Well, I only liked him because he was standing between the shooter and my brother. Anyone who was brave enough to put Daehyun’s partner in his place was ok in my book. Nope. I don’t like him anymore. I am not ‘a stray’ and I do not belong to ‘Jae’

Fucking Bitch.  

I want to see Junhong.

Daehyun is holding onto my arm, he’s gripping too tight but he’s stubborn. I can’t shake him off. It might not be that good idea anyway. The partner is outright glaring at me like I’m dirt or have some kind of disease. I can’t believe the cheek of this guy! He’s the diseased one! I mean, he’s got to be batshit crazy. Who the hell shoots at a car? He went from agreeing to help to threatening me with ‘finishing’ the ‘job’. The job being my Hongie. All because I touched his jacket. I don’t care if he’s sorry or whatever. He only saved us because Daehyun is nice. He stopped his partner from shooting me.

If they can’t save Junhong I might just let him.

The partner loses interest in me and goes back to staring at the mint-haired man. Why does everyone here have a weird hair colour? Mochi-pink, mint green… what next? Blue? Minty won’t let me in the room. He says I’m wasting my time, he won’t change his mind and I could ruin the sterile environment if he did. I think he’s lying. All I want is to hold Hongie’s hand and tell him he’ll be ok. Daehyun agrees with him. “Did you get the coffee machine fixed?” asks the Partner interrupting whatever this ‘Baek’ was saying. I had tuned them out, leaving them to talk whilst I’m busy trying to plot my escape. It’s galling though. How could this guy be thinking about coffee when my brother was dying?

Coffee sounds so good right now.

Daehyun carefully let’s me go, he’s watching me as I stumble after the Partner. I need to keep an eye on that one. He might go back on his word. I’ll make sure he doesn’t. I can hear the women giggling, there’s something about her that I don’t like. But I doubt there’s anything that she could do to Minty, so she won’t be a threat to us. To Hongie. It’s easy enough to find the Shooter. He’d simply gone down the corridor and turned right. The room he’s in seems to be some sort of waiting/lounge room. I can’t help but wonder what else is hidden in this warehouse…. If it’s a hospital of sorts then it would have a mortuary. That sends shivers down my spine. It’s a place I hope to never see. I’m praying I don’t have to see Hongie there. “It’s free”

What’s free? Wh-oh. He’s speaking to me. About the coffee. I’m not stupid enough to think he means the clinic. I know it’s not free.

I’d sell them my soul to save Junhong.

There’s a sofa. It’s an odd shade of green. It looks squishy. The best thing about this sofa is that it faces the door I just came through. And it was backed against the wall. Perfect view and my back was covered, what wasn’t there to like about i-ah, yeah. Him. The Partner. He was still here. And pouring another cup of coffee. He needs to cut back on the sugar. It can’t be healthy, or good for Daehyun. I didn’t expect him to hand the cup to me. Or avoid sitting beside me. I don’t like the way he’s watching me. It’s invasive and leaves me anxious. I’d been on the receiving end of all kinds of looks, I know I’m pleasant to look at. Not as pretty as Hongie but enough that I… I don’t want to go there. Still, I think this isn’t one of _those_ looks. No, this is worse in a way. He’s waiting. I know I’m a risk, a loose end. I’d seen him shooting, had heard his name. I could identify him. He’s probably planning my death. Because he knows I’ll have every reason to go to the police if Junhong didn’t make it. And then he starts talking. He tells me about his boss, his job. Daehyun. Everything that would justify him if he needed to, well, if he needed to kill me. I could’ve stopped him, I probably should.

I let him talk.

****LineBreak****

 

I’d like to say I came to slowly, easing into wakefulness. I’d like to say that. It wasn’t true. There, in front of me is Youngjae, Daehyun is at his side. Minty and another man are talking to them. The second of the men has this awful, grave, _sad_ expression. Oh. oh no. If Minty’s here then that means… “What’s wrong?” I can’t keep the panic from my voice, _please don’t let Hongie be dead, please not my brother_ “i-is Junhongie ok?”   Youngjae turns to me, as quick as a flash. His face in’t easy to read. I can’t tell what he’s thinking or tell if...I can’t tell anything.“Yeah” the second man says, suddenly bright and animated. He looks good with a smile. He seems the type to be sunny. “It got a bit dicey-” What the fuck does that mean? Dicey? Dicey is not good, wait… Hongie’s gonna be ok? I can't believe it, he just said... he said Junhongie is going to be ok. My brother is ok!  The relief is overwhelming. I feel like I’ve been granted another chance. A reprieve.

Daehyun helps me up from the sofa. I’m glad.

I don’t think I can stand without help, I’m crying so hard that it hurts. It hurts that I’m happy. It hurts that I’m so, so grateful.

It hurts that I’m scared. Nothing is free. Nothing. And now I owed my brother’s life to Youngjae, Daehyun and whoever the hell these people were. I don’t have enough money to pay them. Even if I did, I’d still owe Daehyun. He’d made Youngjae help us. We’d also stolen their boss’ car.

_I couldn’t pay them back._

Minty and his friend don’t notice my panic. Or, if they did, they think it’s relief. In a way it was. For the most part. The other, smaller part was most certainly panic. I said I’d sell my soul for Junhong. I would. My soul wasn’t worth anything to these gangs. My skills weren’t anything like Hongie’s. On my own I had nothing to offer as payment. _Except I did._ The only thing I had that could possibly pay back my debt it myself. I didn’t want too.   

But I would.

For Junhong.

 

When Minty comes closer, I’m expecting him to demand repayment, or for him to mockingly inform me of the price. Daehyun is somewhat relaxed though, so maybe… maybe whatever he’ll say isn’t as bad as it could be. I don’t think Daehyun would let Minty hurt me. He stopped Youngjae from shooting me. Minty is far more softer than I thought he’d be. Soft enough, that his words will hurt less.  I hope.

He asks me if I want to see Hongie. It’s a stupid fucking question. And cruel. Of course I want too! The second man continues smiling. He says he’ll take me to Hongie now, if I wanted. I hesitate, looking between him, Minty and Youngjae. Minty smiles, small and genuine. It’s kind of him I suppose. Letting me see that they kept their word, allowing my to check for myself before I had to… _repay_ them. Youngjae scoffs.

It surprises me a little that he’s not invited to join us. I thought that he’d at least, maybe, get a finders fee or something. I guess he’s letting Daehyun have it. It must be the only reason for his kindness. It leaves me crushed. I was starting to actually like Daehyun.

It did make sense. I just hoped that he was different. I’m a fool.

 

A fool that’d gladly give these men whatever they wanted.   

Seeing Junhong, peacefully sleeping makes it worth it. He looks so tiny, dwarfed by the gleaming equipment and machines. I want to ask what they’re for but I’m not sure if I’m allowed too. I don’t know if I can go closer. Maybe I was only allowed this small moment. It was proof enough. Junhongie wasn’t bleeding, he wasn’t choking. He wasn’t going to die. This would have to be enough. _It isn’t enough_

“We can go now” I say. I sound strange, distant and oddly calm. It’s acceptance. I think. “Go where?” Daehyun asks me, I pay him no mind. He’s only here to protect his stake. It’s Minty that’s in charge. He’s the one that called the shots. He’s trading a confused look with the Second. I hate delaying the inevitable. I don’t understand why he’s pretending not to know what I mean. It’s a needless powerplay. I’m not impressed or intimidated. “I’m not sure I understand you” he says, lying through his teeth.

Junhong whimpers as he shifts in his sleep.

“Please. Don’t lie to me” I’ve seen Hongie now, “How do you want me?”

“Want you?” Daehyun parrots, alarmed. Minty looks just as troubled. The Second crouches down to my height, he’s looking me straight in the eyes, “what do you mean?”

“ _Do you think I’m stupid?_ I know what you’ve done for us. For Hongie!” I promised myself that I’d accept the price. I wouldn’t fight it. I wouldn’t cry. “I know what you want! You’re all the same!” the accusation is met with a heavy silence. Daehyun is shaking his head, wordlessly denying the truth. “No. No we’re not” Minty says, gentle and patronizing.

“DON’T LIE TO ME! I know, I know what happens now.” I’m fighting back the bile rising in my throat. I don’t know why they’re dragging this out, why Daehyun is crying or why Minty’s partner is acting so horrified and offended. Minty is pulling his partner up and away from me, “Get Joonie. Now!”

Daehyun is reaching for me. “You’re wrong” he says, “It’s not like that Jongup. Not here. Not with us”

“ _Liar”_ I hiss, brushing his hand away, “why are you lying?” I’m thrown, dazed by the vehemence of their denial. “I don’t get it” I confess, “I don’t understand. Why are you doing this?”

“Because it’s wrong. It’s wrong Jongup.” Minty says. He’s keeping his distance, waiting for this Joonie to arrive, no doubt. I don’t care to listen. I don’t want to listen. But he keeps talking. Telling me that I’m wrong, that Bangtan wouldn’t ever expect someone to pay them back with their body. He says they wouldn’t ask me for any payment. That for me, it really is free. Their Jinnie had saved Junhong because he’s a kid and kids shouldn’t have to pay for common decency. _They shouldn’t have to pay for an act of kindness with their bodies._

 

He’s a fucking liar.  


	9. In which Jihoon shares a lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this one got away from me. Just a little.... heh....  
> So it's in two parts.  
> Enjoy!

I was wrong about Minty.

He’s not the leader. The way he immediately defers to the tall, blond-haired man tells me as much. I’m still uncertain about the dynamic though, I mean, what leader calls their underlings ‘Hyung’? Unless this isn’t a gang? But, why would Daehyun and Youngjae act so politely? Why would Youngjae do as he was told by the Second if these people weren’t a gang? I go with my gut instinct. The blond is the Leader.

 

Mochi is back. He’s standing alongside the Leader and he’s looking at me with something I can’t quite explain. All I know is that it’s not lust. He doesn’t see me as a threat either, none of them do. There’s nothing, no-one, between me and the Leader. So it’s not lust, not wariness. I don’t like it. The whole situation is fucked. I could cope with servicing them all if they’d just stop acting like this. My Eomma had been the only adult that had ever treated me with kindness.

Others made you pay for it. This gang had to know that. It was the way all gangs worked, _right?_   

 

“Yoongi?” The Leader is speaking softly, calm and low as though there’s an especially timid animal nearby. Timid and potentially dangerous, like the feral dogs we had once come across. It’s the same tone that I used when Hongie had had another nightmare. Minty - _Yoongi,_ answers back, equally quiet but there is a slight trembling to his voice. Excitement? Disgust? It could mean anything…

 

Daehyun seizes my hand, squeezing, an act that was supposed to be tender and soothing. It makes my skin crawl. He’s still trying to be my friend, acting like I can trust him, that he’s not going to hurt me. It makes me sick. I need to slip free, I can’t allow Daehyun to hold me back from doing my duty. From doing what’s expected

Junhong needs me to do this.

He needs me too even if I don’t want it.

Even if it hurts and I hate it.

It’s the only way I can convince this gang to keep helping Hongie.

 

I start with the leader. It’s the best option. Leaders typically like going first. To show their power and status off to their members. It’s also the best option for me. If I do well enough he might prevent the others from having me. Except for Daehyun. He’ll have to let him because he brought me here. It’s easy to get close and drop to my knees. It would be better if I didn’t have to do this infront of Hongie but he’s asleep and in a way it makes sense. What better way to make the message sink in than having me in the same room that my brother is healing in? Why else would Yoongi have Second bring the Leader here?  I’ve never been turned away before, once I’m on my knees even the stubborn ones give in. I can pretend I’m eager for it, that I enjoy it. I would pretend. Sometimes. Other times I can’t, it’s too much and I’m just too tired. _Too real_ …

 

Mochi squeaks, the Second is yelling as I undo the Leader’s belt and slip my hand inside, reaching for his cock. Yoongi just stares, obviously he isn’t used to not being in control. Or maybe he’d thought I should have gone to him? What if he is the Leader? I pause, ignoring the distressed cry of the the Blond. If Yoongi really is the leader that means I’ve misjudged. That I had just made an awful mistake. Daehyun rushes forward and hauls me back to my feet with a cry of my name. “What are you doing?” he yells, shaking me. “We said you don’t have too! Why would you ev-”

“Don’t Daehyun” Leader says, he’s hurriedly refastening his jeans “He doesn’t understand.” The Leader takes me from Daehyun, he’s got his hand on my shoulder, almost mirroring the pose Second had been in before he’d left. “Yoongi explained that we do not, under any circumstances allow sex as a repayment. We won’t allow it”

 

I shake him off, angry and very much afraid. If they don’t want my body then what the hell do they want? How can I repay them if they don’t take the only thing I have worth selling? I gasp. I know what they want! It makes sense now. They don’t want me, they want Junhong. “You can’t! You can’t have him!” A sweeping glance of the room reveals a small tray near Hongie’s bed. _Why is it there?_ The light glints of a shiny scrap of metal; a scalpel! Second see’s it a split second after I do. He lurches forward, half shouting a warning. A warning that comes too late. I’m closer, smaller, _faster._ I don’t care that I’m sending other things falling as the tray is knocked down, I don’t care that Daehyun was kind to me. I no longer care that I owe these men my brother’s life.

 

I don’t care as I sink the blade into Second’s stomach making him scream. I don’t care that there’s another man handing Mochi a syringe. I don’t care as I’m pulling the scalpel out of Second and throwing myself at Mochi, intent on cutting his stupidly pretty face. I don’t care that the other man is grabbing me around my waist, that I can taste blood from where I’ve sunk my teeth into the meat of the Leader’s hand. I don’t care that Daehyun’s hands and arms are bloody from where he’s trying to get the scalpel off of me. I don’t care that my own hands are bloody and smarting from the cuts where I’ve readjusted my grip. _I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care._ I don’t care about anything anymore.  

All I care about is saving Junhong.

 

****IAmALinebreak****  

 

Daehyun doesn’t come home.

Yongguk had been worried and mildly alarmed when Himchan had informed him, over breakfast, that there had been a complication and he’d stayed at the Clinic. I was better at hiding my own shock. I knew he’d stayed because I had received a pretty basic text from him. What I hadn’t known was the nature of the complication. Himchan neglected to inform either of us of the what the hell he meant by ‘complication’. Instead he’d told Yongguk not to worry with a reassuring smile. He just told me to ‘mind my fucking business’. Naturally I went around his back and asked Taehyung instead. A ballsy but not unexpected move. I mean, what did Himchan think I would do? Daehyun was my partner. I needed to know he was ok. Faintly reassured thanks to Taehyung and certain that my partner hadn’t died under mysterious circumstances, I could pay full attention to my breakfast.

But not Himchan.

I was still furious that He’d gone to shoot Daehyun.

Even if he had pulled the shot.

 

Yongguk ignores the tension between us and says something. From the lull and Himchan’s pointed stare, I think he was speaking to me. Oh. He’s doing the sad-otter face. I hate the sad-otter face. “Pardon, Yongguk-ssi” I say, respectfully. He seems a little shocked but he shouldn’t be. I had had the night to sulk and now I was back to the easy, cool professionalism I had built me reputation on. “Could you repeat that?”

Himchan answers for Yongguk, who rolls his eyes at the Himchan’s audacity. I stifle my laughter. “Take Yongguk to work.” he orders me. I simply nod, obviously I was going to do my fucking job. Himchan hasn’t finished however, “I’ve asked Peniel and Ilhoon to cover you so once you’ve taken Yongguk, come back to Matoki.”

“Ilhoon? You’re letting Ilhoon watch Hyung!” Well there goes my professionalism…

“Is there a problem with that?” Himchan snaps coldly. I refuse to be cowed, “Ilhoon’s a joke! He can’t protect Hyung like I can!”

“I like him” Yongguk says mildly, of course Yongguk likes him! He likes everyone. He’s too fucking nice. “Ilhoon has no experience!” I counter, personally I have nothing against Ilhoon. He’s a nice guy. Funny too. Still, the members of BtoB aren’t typically used for protection jobs. Not at this level.

“Jihoon has another job for you” Himchan growls, fed up with my questioning. “I don’t care what you think Youngjae. You’d do well to remember that”

Himchan is a fucking bitch. He doesn’t need to rub it in, I know I’m just a cog in his machine, one that can be replaced but he doesn’t need to be so rude.

 

Himchan leaves before we do, storming off before I can make any sort of comeback. He has someone drive him, I think it was Sungjae but I can’t be too sure. Because, I don’t care. My only concern is getting Yongguk to Monsta’s on time. And safely. Without Yongguk’s Bentley I’m forced to take another of Himchan’s cars. To make up for my behaviour and as a way of making peace, I allow Yongguk to choose. The car he picks is a lot less flashy. A good choice seeing as it’s much more common than the more fancier cars in their collection. I shouldn’t allow him to sit in the front but today I do. Yongguk seems a little bemused with me. I think he realises that I’m both showing off a little and silently saying ‘Fuck You’ to Himchan.

 

“You know you can always talk to me” Yongguk says. He’s sincere. It’s nice, in a way, that he cares about me, even if I’m not the nicest. Yongguk just doesn’t understand that I cannot reciprocate. Like I said to Baekhyun; I’m mean to everyone.

Except Otters. So, basically Yongguk.

I’m not mean to him.

“I’m fine Yongguk-ssi” I finally respond, a little cool and distant but an answer to his unspoken question nonetheless. “No, you’re not” He replies with certainty, “I know when you’re ok and this is not it Jae”

He’s right. I am so not ok that it isn’t funny. Yesterday had left me lost. Cast adrift and rocked to the core. I was acting out, being insufferable sullen and rude to my Boss because I had been too weak and meek. I could’ve lost my hyung, the only man that had the guts to tell me I’m wrong. To comfort me and care. Daehyun had been beside me through all the hurt, pain and fear. Everything we had done was to protect each other.

I had just stood there staring down the barrel of Himchan’s gun like it was a regular tuesday.

And then there was the kids. I had shot at them, would have killed them. Would still, if I had too. Except I wouldn’t. As far as I was concerned, the boys were a reflection of me and Dae. I could see us in the bond the boys had. In the way Jongup had begged me to help Junhong. It’s a mess. I’m a mess.

Yongguk is right. I’m just not ok.

 

“Hyung...” I begin after a too-long silence, “i-I don’t know what to do” It’s an admission that exposes me in a way that I would never dare to display normally. “That kid… why was he targeting your car? Why were they in our territory? The hyung; Jongup was so desperate. Scared and too young.” Yongguk listens, he doesn’t interrupt me content for the moment to let me talk myself out. “ _I don’t understand why I care so much_ ” I whisper the last part, it’s too shameful to admit but it’s the one thing that hasn’t left my head. Rattling and crashing through every thought.

“You’re not a robot Jae, you’re allowed to care” Yongguk affirms, serious and certain, “You’re just as human as me, or Daehyun” I notice that he doesn’t mention Himchan. “You don’t understand Hyung,” I sigh, frustrated. Yongguk didn’t understand that caring was wrong, that feeling was weakness. “Caring jeopardises you, me and Matoki!”  

“I don’t care about Matoki. Himchan doesn’t either. Ok, he does care about it but not like he cares about you and Dae”

“Himchan doesn’t care.” I don’t want to say it out loud but he was right. Himchan had made it obvious that he cared. The way he had handled the theft, my debt, the incompetence. All of it proved he cared for us.

Yongguk knows it too.      

The journey continues in a strained silence, Yongguk is mulling my comments over. I’m just ignoring them. A moment of weakness. It’s best forgotten.

 

I’m glad when I spot Monstas. The Daycare Centre was located just outside the city-proper. Comfortably urban with enough space to feel slightly rural. Open and spacious. It’d be perfect without the screaming, spew-monsters. I’m not too fond of small children, they’re far too breakable. Monstas’ itself was just as unique as Seokjin’s clinic. I knew several of the children here were the sons and daughters of high-ranking gang members. It was also neutral territory. Hyungwoo, the owner and his husband Kihyun had been incredibly selective in the staffing of Monstas. Yongguk was just one of the affiliates hired by Hyungwoo. The other staff were just as connected as Hyung although they, unlike Yongguk wished to have little to do with the gangs. Min Minki was one such example. He was my favourite Min. Sassy and feisty without the cruel sadism of Jihoon or the cool iciness of Yoongi. He also looked incredibly soft and cute in his pretty summer dress. The last time I had seen him, Minki had been blond. Now he was sporting a cute pixie cut. I didn’t know many people, let alone a man that could pull of lilac hair as well as Minki.

Yongguk nudges me playfully, leering “Jae has a crush!” he sings, I let him have his fun. If I denied it Yongguk would only continue and then he would tell Daehyun who, knowing how much I hated it, would try to set me up on a date. The truth was that Minki was pretty but I didn’t have a crush. Even if I did, I’d never have the chance to pursue him. The other Mins would gut me like a fish.

 

Thankfully, I was not forced to listen to anymore of Yongguk’s offkey singing because Ilhoon and Peniel had arrived. I had only let them take Yongguk after I spent a good few minutes reminding them to be on time in the future or I would be demonstrating what could be done to someone in the space of ‘only five minutes’. Yongguk tells me to lighten up a little and really think about what he said before he goes off, followed by my replacements. I keep watch, making sure Yongguk makes it into the building. Once he’s safely inside I slip the car into reverse, turning to face the road.

 

I’ve never like going into Matoki by myself. Without Daehyun watching my back I feel exposed. Alone. An easy target. I don’t feel quite as naked as I had last night however, seeing as Himchan had so graciously given me my gun back after breakfast. Today the main floor is empty. It’s not surprising considering it’s just before 9 am. Too early for the lowest level gangsters to be in. I can hear the whispered hush of conversation coming from the back room. It’s probably the Uppers organising the delivery of drugs. There’s an expectation that the members of Matoki leave their keys with the barman. But I don’t. Because these keys belong to Himchan. And I don’t want too.

 

Himchan has a visitor.

A small man with a pretty face and an ice-cold glare. I pause awkwardly, hovering in the doorway for a moment too long. I didn’t think I would be seeing Min Jihoon so soon. The short man is sprawled across one of Himchan’s leather chairs with all the grace and power of someone who knows far too much. Behind him are two more men, one is dressed in a sharp, crisp suit. The second of the men is…more undressed than dressed? He’s wearing a plaid mini skirt and white crop top, showing of his flat stomach. ‘Daddy’s little angel’ is scrawled across the top in baby blue letters. The man is also wearing a matching plaid collar. Jihoon is wearing a smug, salacious smirk. “I think he likes you Angel”

Jihoon’s Angel giggles, high and sweet.

“Don’t kid yourself” I scoff, “I’m not interested in your toys” Himchan coughs, clearing his throat to get my attention. He’s telling me to behave myself with nothing more than a raised eyebrow and carefully schooled expression. He doesn’t have to bother. I know not to piss Jihoon off.

Not when I owe him.

 

Jihoon, himself, seems unphased by my attitude. “If you two are quite finished?” he says mildly, as if he isn’t the most powerful man in the room. Himchan is quick to apologise. Jihoon smiles with faux-sweetness. “Good. That’s good” He gestures at the suited man, “This is Minghao. He’s one of my best. A real treasure.” Minghao bows his head, a small display of respect. “And this is my precious Angel; Junhui.”

 

Ah. The Pledis China-line. I had heard of them but hadn’t met them. From all accounts they were just as dangerous as Jihoon, skilled and incredibly resourceful. Minghao had been recruited straight out from under the Triads noses, headhunted by Jihoon. Junhui had been acquired somewhere along the way. It was a clever move to keep the slender, elfin Junhui. He had a knack for collecting information. Minghao was equally beautiful though he was more muscular. I wasn’t too sure what Minghao did for Jihoon but I knew it wasn’t anything good. For me that is, for Jihoon Minghao was a key resource. Himchan acknowledges the pair with a polite nod. Jihoon had no need to bring the China-line. He wasn’t in any danger from Matoki.

To bring the China-line when he didn’t need to either meant Jihoon was going to give Matoki a task, or, it meant he felt unsafe.          

 

If Jihoon had to resort to bodyguards then it could only mean one thing: We were fucked.

 

“Why are you here?” Himchan asks, short and direct. The Mins did not like to play games when it came to business, they had no patience for fools or bad practice. . He had said Jihoon had a job for me but there was no need for him to come to Matoki. Crossing into another’s territory wasn’t something to be done lightly. It was best to remain polite and clear even if we didn’t understand Jihoon’s motives. Jihoon certainly appreciated it. “I have a lead.”

“A lead?” I hadn’t meant to ask, speaking out of turn was a sign of disrespect. Yet, I couldn’t remain quiet. I needed to know.

“Mm-hmm” Jihoon hums, “I know that little Jongup and Junhong were set up.”

Himchan is unimpressed. “Of course they were set up. They would never have attempted to steal Guk’s car otherwise”

“Yes, but are you aware that the target for the setup wasn’t Yongguk-ssi?”

“Are you sure?” It’s a stupid question. If Jihoon says that Yongguk wasn’t a target, it’s true. Yongguk was not the target.

“That’s not to say that Yongguk isn’t at risk.” Jihoon adds. “It’s just that his death would have been an added bonus.”

“So the boys were set up and someone just happened to hope my Gukkie would be taken out? By a couple of kids?”

“Nope.” Jihoon says, adding extra emphasis on the ‘ _p’_ , “by him”

He’s pointing at me.

As in, someone had hoped I would kill Yongguk.

“ME?”

 

Junhui giggles and mutters something to Minghao. It fills the sudden and heavy silence that had followed Jihoon’s announcement. I can’t believe it! It doesn’t make sense. I wouldn’t shoot Yongguk. Even by accident. I’m a skilled marksman. I don’t unintentionally shoot the people I’m protecting. “I don’t get it” Himchan says, he’s just as confused as me. For all his faults, he _did_ happen to know me. He knew I wouldn’t hurt Hyung.

Jihoon shrugs, “It is what it is.”

“How does that help us?” Himchan demands, fed up with Jihoon’s not-information.

“It’s not supposed too” Jihoon says. He moves then, swinging his legs round to sit up properly, he’s leaning forward, clearly focused, “At least, not yet. See, I wanted to know who would set this whole mess up. And then I wondered why? What was the point? If the point was to remove Yongguk-ssi, then taking him out would be simple” He waves my “Hey!” off, “You know it’s true Youngjae. Anyway...I concluded Yongguk-ssi wasn’t the true target. You weren’t either” He explains, gesturing at Himchan, “The real target is you; Youngjae.”

 

“EXCUSE ME?” Himchan shouts, outraged. I’m not sure if it’s because he cares or that he’s furious because someone doesn’t want him dead... “Why would they want Jae dead?” so he does care, huh...who’d have thought….

Minghao steps out from behind Jihoon, “If I may?”

“Go ahead” Jihoon allows, he’s not bothered by Minghao joining our conversation. “Youngjae-ssi is a key figure in Matoki” he’s speaking with confidence and clarity. I’m beginning to think that Jihoon had just had enough of speaking, why else would he let Minghao divulge information that he could bargain with? “Daehyun-ssi would be bereft and unable to function. That would mean you and your husband would have no protection. Once Youngjae had been neutralised, it would only be a matter of days before you too, were killed. Less, if you had to kill Youngjae”

“Why?” I ask, “Why would Himchan-ssi die sooner if he killed me?”

“It’s simple.” Jihoon announces, to him it was obvious but not to us. No-one else thought like Jihoon did. “Daehyun would shoot him. Or die trying to avenge you. You ought to be nicer to your hyung, Youngjae, he really does love you”

 

I can’t believe I’m being lectured by Jihoon. About my hyung. I know Daehyun loves me. Platonically. The worst thing about being lectured by this sadistic midget was that he’s right. If Junhong had died by my hand then Himchan would have to have me… _removed._ I’d be executed for killing a child. My rank as Himchan’s sort-of-second would dictate that Himchan, himself would have to take my life. My death would have inevitably driven Daehyun to seek revenge.

In short, Junhong’s death would have destroyed Matoki.

“Fortunately for you, Junhong is not dead. But someone wants the kid. Both of them”

“They can identify who ordered the theft” Himchan realises. I hadn’t thought of that. I hadn’t known that the theft of Hyung’s car had been orchestrated until Jihoon had told us. Well, I had but it hadn’t seemed so pressing at the time.

“Which brings me to why I’m actually here,” Jihoon says, “I was looking into this mysterious figure and now one of my men is missing.”

“Missing?” Himchan is concerned. There were two options here, either Jihoon’s guy had run, or, and this was the more likely option; had been killed. If Jihoon had lost one of his men then there was a potential for a gang-war. Because there was no-way that Jihoon would allow the death of his man to go unpunished.

“I’m borrowing Youngjae.” Jihoon declares. “I need him”

Himchan simply agrees.  

He doesn’t have a choice.


	10. In which Youngjae discovers something unsettling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for implied child abuse, child pornography and sexual slavery.

Minghao is a thorough professional. He’s not so polite once we’re alone, I don’t mind. It’s nice to have someone sass me back. Daehyun tends to give up a little too easily. Minghao fills me in as he drives, having left Junhui and Jihoon behind at Matoki. “Wonwoo-hyung missed his check-in. And he hasn’t made contact.”“When was his last check-in?” I ask. For someone to miss a check in and not make contact was suspicious. Had this been a member of Matoki, I would have expected Himchan to have also launched a search and rescue mission. Well, maybe a search only. Things worked differently for Pledis. Minghao had told me that Wonwoo was actually very close to Jihoon and the only member of Pledis that he trusted explicitly. Not even Junhui was trusted like Wonwoo, and Junhui was Jihoon’s lover.

“3 am”

It was 10 am now. It meant that Wonwoo had only been missing for eight hours. For someone as important as Wonwoo to have been missing this long could only mean trouble. It could also mean that there wouldn’t be much left to retrieve. Especially if Wonwoo had already talked. I’m careful about wording this, the top rank of Pledis was extremely close. To suggest that one of their own had betrayed them was blasphemous. “Eight hours is a long time, Minghao”

“I know!” he growled, “Wonwoo is tough. The toughest” he affirms.

“I wasn’t suggesting otherwise,” I reply, attempting to soothe the accidental insult, “I’m just saying that eight hours is a long time to be missing” Minghao huffs, accepting my not-so-apologetic apology. “Wonwoo-hyung is my friend. He helped me with my Korean” Language barriers must be hard, I had noticed Minghao’s accented Korean but I hadn’t pointed it out. It would be highly insulting if I did. Hearing that this Wonwoo had helped Minghao also explained why he was so keen to believe that his hyung would hold out. He had an emotional bond.

 

The part of Seoul that we had entered was, for lack of a better word, _dilapidated._ Despite the early hour, I could see a huddle of scantily dressed women. The streets were littered and the buildings were crumbling. Why anyone would willing spend time here was beyond me. Minghao is frowning at one particular women. “What the fuck is she wearing?” he asks, horrified. The women he’s judging so hard, is wearing a horribly tight dress. It doesn’t cover anything. “Not much apparently” I quip, earning an explosive laugh from Minghao. It’s enough to wipe the frown off his face. “Is that it? There?” I point out a battered, scratched black door. It has an ominous aura. It also happens to have a guard. Minghao nods, parking the car opposite the shabby house. We leave the doors unlocked. If Wonwoo was indeed here, he would almost certainly need medical help. And there was the possibility of being chased out.

The guard is sitting on the steps leading up to the door. His tracksuit is a bright red, the chains around his neck screams trashy. From here we can see the shining glint of a gun. The guard is happily smoking away, not caring that we’re checking him out. Perhaps he’s confident that he’s got the drop on us. To be honest we look like a couple of fresh-faced, too-pretty college kids. Minghao, especially so. The over-large glasses he donned as soon as we got in the car made him look almost innocent. A nerd.The guard doesn’t have time to register the threat Minghao posed before he’s shot in the head. The guard jerks back, a neat, barely bloody hole appearing in the center of his forehead. “Nice shot”

“Thanks” Minghao beams at the praise. As Minghao bounds up the stairs, I take the time to kick the guard’s body out of the way. It’d do us no good to leave a trip hazard in the way of our escape. The gunshot has the inhabitants of the house alarmed and quick to come at us. We’ve barely opened the door before we’re being shot at. Minghao crouches low, leaving me with a clear aim. From the side, I see a twitch of a curtain. Someone’s trying to outflank us. Unluckily for him, I saw the curtain move. Within seconds the curtain-guy is lying dead, shot through the eye. I’m a little sad that I didn’t get to see it explode but I have to concentrate. With me covering the entrance, Minghao is able to creep inside. He clears the first room, finishing off another of the gunmen. With the first room cleared I’m able to enter the house, another gunman bursts out of the second doorway only to get my bullet in his throat. He goes down in a spray of blood. Minghao is quick to dispatch him. Between the two of us, we’re able to clear the house. I had expected there to be more men. I had expected them to be better armed. The last pair had attacked us with nothing more than a baseball bat. To be sure it fucking hurt. I’m pretty sure a couple of my ribs are broken. Bruised at the very least. Whoever had paid these men hadn’t done a very good job of arming them. I’d taken great delight in shooting the guy who’d hit me. Minghao had killed the second by breaking his neck. The audible snap had made me wince. It was fucking nasty.

And kinda cool.

Silence descends.

“We should look for your friend”

Minghao agrees. We start in the kitchen of the house. Obviously, Wonwoo is not here. Nor is he in the first or second of the rooms. Instead we find the typical assortment of drugs, a box of bullets. Some scattered personal things including a wallet. As we’re searching through the clutter, I hear Minghao gag and curse in Chinese. I rush over to him, expecting to see his friend. It isn’t Wonwoo.

It’s worse.

 

In Minghao’s hand is a pile of photographs.

Each of the photos is explicit, depicting men and women performing sexual acts.

With children.

Everyone of the photos shows a child, some are openly crying, others are dazed or blank-faced. They were probably drugged. God, I hope so. At least they wouldn’t ha-oh my god. I snatch the photo’s out of Minghao’s hand. Of all the faces, I hadn’t expected to see one I knew.

It’s Jongup.

I’d recognise those moles anywhere. And the wild, fierce glare.

My stomach rebels and I’m throwing up, choking. I can’t believe this. I don’t want to believe it. No wonder he was so protective of his brother, no wonder they were on the streets. No wonder Jongup had fought to stop me getting near his brother.

Minghao merely pats my shoulder, “Are you ok Youngjae-ssi?”

I’m not ok. Not at all.

“I know this kid” I croak, waving the picture. “This is Jongup, he’s one of the kids that took Hyung’s car” Minghao goes to say something, possibly comfort me but stops, listening intently. There’s a muffled noise. It’s coming from under our feet. We share a sudden, slightly panicked look. _There was a basement!_ How could we miss that? The muffled cries continue accompanied by a low constant thud. I shove Jongup’s picture in my pocket. “Wonwoo!” Minghao calls, he’s about to rush out into the hall but I grab him before he can. “Reload!” I order sharply “What if it’s a trap?” Minghao blushes, in his excitement he’d almost forgotten to check his ammo. If this was a trap he would’ve been killed. I don’t belittle him or reprimand further. I know I would have done the same had it been Daehyun.

 

We wouldn’t have noticed the door at first had we not been looking for it. It was the same grubby beige as the walls. It was bolted shut. I slip the bolt out, and pull the door open. Minghao covers me, preparing to shoot but there’s no need. No-one is waiting for us. Now that the door is open the sound is much clearer. Whoever’s making the noise is determined to be heard. There’s no light, no switch or source. I fish my phone out of my pocket and open the torch app. Following the light of my phone, I edge my way down the stairs, each step measured and slow. I need to make sure I’m prepared incase whoever down here isn’t too welcoming, though to be honest I’m probably exaggerating the threat. Minghao follows, brushing past me as he spots a man tied to the radiator on the back wall.It’s Wonwoo. His face is bruised, one eye swollen shut. His mouth has been taped shut. The silver tape reflecting the light. Bright beads of blood dot his lips as Minghao pulls the tape off. He doesn’t apologise. The man gasps, breathing harsh and fast. He’s in pain but remarkably focused, he’s yelling something. I can’t tell what he’s saying. It’s not in Korean. Minghao is hushing Wonwoo, from the tone I can tell he’s telling him it’s ok, that he’s going to be ok. “I’ll look for a knife” I inform the pair. I leave them for the moment and head further into the basement. I don’t have to go far before I find a cache of tools. There isn’t a knife but there is a neat little saw. It’ll do. I head back to Minghao when I hear the softest whisper of movement.  “Here!” I pass him the saw.

And then I hear a soft sniffle.

 

Oh fuck.

There in the furthest corner of the basement is a stinking, half covered dog crate. It’s the source of the noise. I edge closer. I can just about see that there’s something locked inside it. _Holy shit there’s a kid inside._

Minghao calls for me, “Youngjae?” I can hear Wonwoo. He’s repeating something over and over again… a name.

“Chan?”

The _thing_ in the crate whimpers, responding but not answering, I’m not sure he can. I have to hold my breath as I heave the piles of junk off of the crate. Minghao appears at my side, taking my phone and shining the torch at the cage.

I wish I couldn’t see. Minghao gags.

Wonwoo ignores us and struggles over. He all but collapses next to the crate, he reaches through the bars petting at the kids filthy hair. The kid stops whimpering, he’s trying to reach through, trying to reach us. He’s naked. His skin smeared with dirt, blood and flakes of white. This boy has been through hell.

“I think I saw bolt cutters, over there Minghao” I point him in the direction of the tools. Wonwoo for the most part is quiet, only making soft soothing noises. Whatever he’s doing I don’t stop him. I couldn’t deal with one hysterical child. I don’t know how I would cope if this one lost it. Minghao comes back with the bolt cutters, he hands them to me and I set about removing the padlock. It takes me longer than I would like but I manage it. As soon as the lock is clear, Wonwoo is unlatching the door and reaching inside. “Chan. Chan it’s ok” he says, “I told you my friends would come didn’t I? I promised you and look! We’re ok!”

Chan says nothing. He’s clutching so tightly onto Wonwoo’s arm that his knuckles are  white. The skin that had been washed clean by his tears was just as white. How long had he been here? Wonwoo looks at Minghao, “you’ll have to carry him”

I notice that he doesn’t ask me.

I don’t take it to heart.

I wouldn’t trust me either...  


	11. In which Jongup has a breakthrough

 

I’m woken by soft laughter. And hushed voices. 

Junhong. 

He’s awake. 

And happily talking to a man I don’t recognise. 

My hands are stinging and itchy. The last thing I remembered was Mochi’s panicked face and being held down by Daehyun. And a stranger. I could remember still struggling and resorting to scratching, biting, kicking,  _ anything _ to make them let go. To stop them from taking my brother. The futon I’m laying on smells weird. Old and musty. It’s snug. The sheets are clean and smell faintly of flowers. They’ve cleaned my cuts, I can feel the pull of stitches and the bone-deep ache of the largest wound. I hadn’t realised I’d cut so deeply. 

When we had stolen the car I had been wearing a ratty hoodie and jeans. I had been wearing the same thing when I attacked Second.

Someone had changed me. My clothes must have been covered in blood; Junhong’s, Second’s, Daehyun’s,  _ mine. _

There’s not a drop of blood to be seen now. 

I could still smell it though, a faint tang under the scent of bleach and sterility.  

I don’t really know what to think. I don’t understand why they would make the effort to tend my wounds, to leave me here with Hongie. They’d even given me somewhere to sleep. This is not right.  

“Hyung?” Junhong calls, excitedly but still hushed, “Are you awake?”

“Mmm” It’s too much effort to form words. I want to reply, to reassure Hongie that I’m here, that I’m awake. I want to tell him that I did my best. That I tried to protect him.  

Words are hard. The stranger chimes in, “let him sleep.” It’s nice that he’s letting me rest but at the same time I don’t like it. I don’t like the way Junhong gives in with an “ok”. But then, to Junhong these people had helped him. He didn’t know what they really wanted. What they could do to him.            __

“J’h’ng?”

“Hyung!” He sounds so happy, “TaeTae-hyung says you were really worried.”

 

“ _ ‘r-Really worried’ _ is p-putting it lightly” I eventually managed to mumble. It hurts to sit up but I force myself to do it, needing to see Junhong. And to get a better look at this stranger. I feel a little lightheaded, dizzy and nauseous. I must look like I’m going to be sick because the stranger is suddenly at my side, holding a cardboard bowl. “It’s ok,” he says, “don’t try to hold it in” The rebellious, distrusting side of me wants to ignore him. To shove this stupid bowl in his face. And stab him. The other, more sensible part snatches the bowl seconds before I’m retching.

“Jonguppie? Hyung?” Junhong is leaning forward, bracing his chest and inching closer “What’s wrong with my hyung!”

The stranger is helping to hold the bowl, I’m shaking so badly. There’s a prickling in my eyes, I’m tearing up. I hate being sick. I especially hate that this Stranger is being so caring, helping me from emptying the bowl over myself whilst rubbing my back with his other hand. 

I don’t want him touching me. 

I don’t want him here. 

 

“Your hyung was so worried and upset that my hyung gave him something to help.”

Junhong is not amused, “This is helping?” he asks, sarcastic and insolent

“It’s one of the effects. Sometimes, I think.” The stranger ignores Juhong’s tone, “Jongup is unlucky. And this is the second time we had to sedate him”

“ _ The second time _ ?”   

“Jiminnie sedated him when we were busy saving your life. And then he kida lost his cool”   

“I don’t believe you”

“Jongup stabbed Hobi-hyung”

The noise Junhong makes is vaguely funny. He’s torn between laughing at what he thinks is a lie and telling me off. “M’not sorry” I croak, my throat is sore. 

The stranger smiles, laughing at me, “I didn’t think you would be.” he says. 

“Jongup!” I shrug helplessly as Junhong stares at me shocked. I knew he wouldn’t really believe that I would stab anyone, let alone someone that helped him. The stranger takes the bowl from me and goes to leave the room. “I’ll be back soon” he tells Junhong, who nods absently, still staring at me. As soon as the man leaves Junhong is free to scold me. I let him rant on. I really don’t enjoy his lecture but I’m not sure how to voice my thoughts. How to tell him that I was trying to protect him. 

“What?”

“Hmm?”   

“Protect me from what?”

 

I hadn’t realised I’d said that aloud. I’m not sure how to continue. If I tell Junhong the truth he’ll want to know why I thought giving my body to Minty was the right thing to do. He’d want to know how I knew. And then I would have to tell him about the other times. The truth about what I had done before we had started stealing. I can’t tell him. I won’t tell him. “Nothing”

“Are you kidding me?” Junhong snaps incredulously “It’s not nothing hyung! You don’t just stab someone without a reason” 

“I… I misunderstood… I… look, it doesn’t matter ok?”

“Of course it matters!” Junhong yells, “Wh-” He’s cut off by a abrupt, breath-stealing series of harsh coughs. He’s panicking. “Jus’ breathe Hongie, breathe” I’m trying to soothe him, to calm him but it’s not working. It’s not working and I’m struggling to get to him. I can barely stand without swaying, unable to see, let alone walk straight. But I have too, I have to get to Junhong. 

 

The door opens, the Stranger is back. He’s brought the Leader with him. There’s nothing in the room that I can use to defend us, nothing. No sharp, pointy,  _ stabby things _ . Nothing. Junhong grabs my hand, squeezing too tight. The pain can be ignored. The dizziness, the nausea can be ignored. I’ll ignore it all just to get Junhong to stop panicking. The stranger is helping. Telling Hongie to breathe, to follow him as he breathes in and out, slowly and calmly. In and out, in and out. Slow and calm. Slow. Calm. Junhong follows. His breathing easing. The coughing stops. Why is he able to help? Why is Junhong listening to him? Why couldn’t I help? 

 

Leader is standing in the doorway, watching us nervously. I could see him visually sweeping the room, checking before he had let the Stranger come to Junhong. The bandage on Leader’s hand is stark white. An obvious, eyesore of a contrast. A reminder. “Jongup” he says, “I think we should talk”. He can go fuck himself. I’m not leaving, not talking, not going anywhere that isn’t here. Here with Junhong. “S’ok” Junhong wheezes, he’s a little too pale, sweat beading along his hairline. He’s tired. And sore. 

 

He’s still in pain. 

“No.” 

“S’k, TaeTae-hyung is here” 

I couldn’t care less about ‘TaeTae-hyung’, even if he had cared for me, even though he was helping now. I wasn’t going to leave Junhong alone. The Leader would have to physically drag me out of here if he wanted to ‘talk’. He would just have to fight me. 

As if by magic Daehyun peeks round the doorway. He looks awful. His hair is messy, his eyes are red, a little puffy. His clothes are creased. There’s a myriad of shallow and not-so shallow slashes across the back of his hands and forearms. He’s smiling. “Jonguppie!” he chirps, happy and surprisingly genuine, “You had me worried there for a sec” 

He was only worried that I’d cut his throat. 

Maybe.

 

Leader says something to Daehyun. I don’t quite catch it because Junhongie is tugging my hand, pulling me closer. “Go. Really, hyung. They’re super nice. It’s ok” he whispers. Now that I’m here, leaning over the edge of Hongie’s bed I finally do the only thing I wanted to do since we got here. I hug him, burying my head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent and warmth. Feeling and hearing his heart beating. “Hyung, that tickles!” he whines, not so gently trying to shove me back. Wriggling away from me, pretending to hate this. I know he doesn’t because he’s holding me just as tightly, needing the contact just as much, if not more so than me. 

Daehyun is cooing at us. Mocking but not mean-spirited. “Ok” I agree, finally letting go of Junhong. 

 

“Let’s talk” 

 

****IAmALineBreak****

I’m not surprised to find Minty waiting for us. I am surprised to see Second. And Mochi. 

Leader has taken me to another room, an office of sorts. Daehyun has followed. I find it strange that Daehyun is keen to remain by my side. That he’s staying as close as this. I had sliced him up. I’m also pretty damn sure I’d kicked him in the, urm… not nice place? 

He doesn’t seem angry though. None of them are angry. At least, as far as I can tell. Except Minty. He looks like he wants to dig my heart out with a rusty spoon. He’d probably make me eat it too. 

“Stop it Yoongi” Second says, “He didn’t mean it”

“Yes he did”

“Yes I did” 

Second ways me off “No, you didn’t. If you did you would’ve gone my throat or chest”

Leader cuts in, “Yes, thank you Hobi. That’s enough” 

Hobi? sends a finger heart to Leader. I am seriously confused. Why aren’t they mad? I’d just told them I had meant to stab Hobi, yet Minty hadn’t reacted. Hobi told me I didn’t mean it….

 

I fucking meant it.

 

Minty knows it. Mochi knows it too, that’s why he’s practically fleeing the office. It’s why he’s promising to send ‘TaeTae’ and ‘Jinnie-hyung’. The leader directs me to Mochi’s vacated chair. I only do as I’m told because I’m at a disadvantage. When I had attacked them, I had had the element of surprise. Now, the only surprise would be if I could magically conjure a weapon out of thin air. Which I can’t no matter how much I wish. I don’t have a chance of getting to Daehyun’s gun. The clever bastard is just out of my reach, standing on my left. Without anything to protect myself with, I’m forced to listen. 

Perhaps I could learn their motives if I do. It might make it easier to get them. Earn their trust then stab them in the back. 

I’d had it done to me before. Metaphorically…

I knew I could. 

Not Daehyun though. 

He’s too open, too genuine. 

He’s safe. Safe but he doesn’t trust me. 

 

“He doesn’t want to be here Joon” Minty says, sighing. He’s lost the angry glare. I preferred the glare. I was use to people being angry with me. With them wanting to hurt me. It wasn’t anything new. I was not used to pity. Or understanding. Leader agrees, equally sad and pitying. “It’s for the best Yoongi-hyung”  

What’s for the best? What do they mean? Best for them or best for me? Maybe they’re going to get rid of me… I’m the problem child, the thorn in their side, the only loose end. Daehyun nudges me “I can almost hear you thinking there Jongup.” he says, “Stop thinking so hard, I promise nothing bad is going to happen. To you or Junhong.  _ I swear” _

I can almost believe him. I want too. I want too so much. 

Daehyun had kept his promise to me. He had saved Hongie. He kept his promise that I was safe. Nothing had happened to me while I was sleeping. Nothing except being cleaned up. I would’ve known if they’d fucked me. 

 

But they hadn’t. 

 

Daehyun hadn’t lied to me.

He wasn’t angry with me. 

I wasn’t in any danger. 

I never was. Not from this gang. 

I had stabbed their Second. Bitten their Leader. 

I had hurt them. Lashed out and made them  _ bleed… _

And just like a damn exploding, I’m crying, babbling the same word over and over again. I was sorry, sorrysorrysorry,  _ sorry. I hadn’t meant too, I didn’t mean it. I just wanted to keep Hongie safe, to protect him. From them, from the truth, from everything _

For the second time someone is holding me, manoeuvring me so that I’m on their lap. It’s not a position I’m comfortable with but it’s Daehyun. 

_ I trusted Daehyun.  _


	12. In which Taehyung provides some much needed Tae-Time and Jongup reveals his past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo boy. This is a beast of a chapter.  
> Warnings for implied child prostitution, implied rape and explicit discussion of underage sex. 
> 
> On another note, I would like to apologise for the late update. I am on week six of my second semester and the work is piling up! So updates will be infrequent but will always be over a 1000 words at least... I do feed you all so well.   
> Love Isa x

Kim Taehyung had never meant to join Bangtan. Upon leaving Daegu, he had fully intended to follow his passion as a photographer. The journey had taken him to Seoul. At first things had been tough. Taehyung was quick to realise being a photographer did not pay. He could never earn enough to afford the steep city prices, so he had taken up a second occupation. Serving coffee wasn’t particularly noble nor well-paying but it was enough. It was also how he had met Jimin and Yoongi. Jimin had been trailing the ever-grumpy Yoongi and was in need of a much-deserved coffee. Apparently keeping Yoongi from stabbing people was thirsty work. It had been said as a joke although Jimin had been deadly serious. Privately, Taehyung thought Jimin wanted an excuse to bask in the attention he received from the cafe’s patrons. Yoongi just wanted coffee. 

The following months saw Jimin regularly visiting the cafe for a dose of ‘Tae-Time’. Gradually the other members of Bangtan had entered his life, sharing their frustrations, anger and grief. Yoongi had been the one that had come to Taehyung filled with grief and desperately confused. It had taken over two hours for Yoongi to explain that his sister was now his brother and he just didn’t know how to cope. Taehyung had patiently walked Yoongi through the grief process, allowing him to mourn for the sister he was losing whilst gently reminding him that he was gaining a brother. That Yoongi and Minki needed to be mindful that Jihoon would always need his brothers. He’d always look up to and respect them. All that changed was Jihoon now called them ‘hyung’ instead of ‘oppa’.  

 

It wasn’t hard to tell that BTS were keeping something from him and Taehyung knew not to dig. Pressing for answers would only end badly. It was blatantly obvious that BTS were another of the gangs that plagued Seoul, anyway. Bangtan occupied a unique position amongst the underground; they were neutral. To an extent. Namjoon was exceptionally clever, Yoongi was icy and charismatic. Together they made an unstoppable team. A team that was made complete with the addition of Hoseok. The three of them were heavily involved in white collar crime. Hoseok was the lynchpin of their operation, able to soothe nervous targets and convince them to part ways with their hard earned cash. The money made was invested into the clinic and other programmes funded by Bangtan. ‘Tae-Time’ became a vital part of the services that BTS provided alongside Seokjin’s clinic. Unlike the clinic, however, Taehyung’s services were not available to everyone. That being said, he was happy to listen when it was needed. Taehyung would never turn anyone away. He’d never dream of it. That’s why he was hovering around the Lounge after he had finished assisting Seokjin and Jungkook. They’d been filled in by Seokjin. The shooting whilst intentional, had also been accidental. Their patient would not have been shot had the shooter known the boy’s age. To Taehyung, it was clear that the shooter had to have been feeling conflicted and upset. Upon learning that the shooter was none other than Yoo Youngjae, Taehyung decided to offer him ‘Tae-Time’. He had not expected Youngjae to react so explosively. The feelings that the other had repressed were dangerous. Toxic. Ultimately, the shooting of Junhong had been the last straw for Youngjae. The man had broken down so completely that Taehyung had been reluctant to allow him to leave the Clinic. So worried about the other’s mental state in fact, that he had Namjoon call Himchan to warn him of Youngjae’s fragility. Jungkook shared his hyung’s concerns, especially after he had been rebuked by Youngjae.

 

Taehyung did not have the time to dwell on Youngjae’s inability to deal with his emotions. Hoseok needed him. His hyung managed to explain the situation in between panted breaths. Junhong’s hyung believed that he had to pay them for saving his dongsaeng. With sex. Taehyung’s heart sank. It wasn’t unusual for some of the younger members in their vocation to have been victims of sexual and physical abuse. It was clear that the boy had experienced this truth first hand. He knew that the older boy wouldn’t understand why Bangtan were refusing him. The refusal would not register as a kindness or as the right thing to do. To Jongup refusal could only mean he wasn’t enough for BTS, that repaying the so-called debt would fall to Junhong himself. Taehyung had heard from Youngjae that Jongup was utterly devoted to his brother. So devoted that once he realised that Bangtan didn’t want sex, _would not touch him_ , Jongup would immediately think they wanted Junhong instead. Something he would not, could not, allow. No-one had foreseen the violence of Jongup’s reaction. It’d been Jimin’s fault that Jongup had gotten hold of a scalpel. He’d left the tray in Junhong’s room, having stopped to check on him after fetching a tray of sterilised equipment to replace the used items in the Inner Sanctum. The only thing they could do for Jongup was sedate him, hoping he would be calm enough to talk once he woke. Taehyung had chosen to remain in the room with both boys once the sedative kicked in and Jongup had gone limp in his arms. Namjoon asked Jimin to set up one of the spare futons for Jongup. It had taken the combined effort of Bangtan’s maknae line to clean Junhong’s room whilst Seokjin and Yoongi saw to Hoseok, Namjoon and Daehyun. Hoseok was lucky that the scalpel had caused little damage, the cut clean and easily closed. Obviously it had hurt but Seokjin was confident that Hoseok would heal without complications. Once finished with Hoseok, they’d turned their attention to the others. Yoongi surprised them all by electing to care for Jongup. The teen had managed to wound himself as he’d struggled to break free from Taehyung’s hold. Yoongi had simply shrugged. He didn’t blame Jongup. As he saw it, Jongup was only trying to defend Junhong. As a hyung Yoongi could relate.

It helped that Hoseok was ok. 

Once Jongup regained consciousness Taehyung left to fetch Namjoon. The leader wanted to talk to the boys, to understand why Jongup was so afraid that they would hurt Junhong. Of course, Taehyung had already shared his thoughts with the other members; Jongup had been subjected to the cruelties that they could never fully understand. He’d chosen to remain behind for the moment. Junhong was quick to trust and he had developed a nascent bond with Taehyung. Junhong had also shared enough details with Taehyung for him to conclude that the younger teen had been spared the suffering and shame of the reality of their lifestyle. He didn’t know what his hyung had been through or what Jongup had done, _what he would do,_ to protect Junhong. Taehyung had only left the room once Jimin came to relieve him. The office that Namjoon had chosen for their talk was plain, near empty except for the chairs. The walls were a faded cream, neutral and non-threatening. It was one of Taehyung’s favourite places. He’d spent many hours in this particular office doodling and sketching across the walls. Over the off-cream paint was a continuous scene depicting a variety of characters. Jungkook had helped with the more difficult parts of the mural. Their favourite character happened to be the grumpy cooky. Inspired by Yoongi.

Jongup was curled up on Daehyun’s lap, sobbing. 

In a way Taehyung was glad that the boy was crying, the tears helping to release whatever he was feeling. Taehyung was more pleased that Jongup had chosen Daehyun as his ‘safe’ person. The man had come to care for Jongup, had risked being stabbed and slashed and hurt, all so he could comfort him. He’d even put off returning to Matoki in order to be with Jongup when he awoke. It was good that Jongup felt comfortable enough to be held. It was progress. To a degree. In all likelihood Jongup would regress, once more viewing Daehyun as a danger to himself and Junhong. Still, for the moment Taehyung was glad. “Jongup?” Namjoon said softly, he’d been patiently waiting for the crying to ease. Finally, a sniffled “yes?” was heard. Jongup was reluctant to look up, to move away from Daehyun despite the wet patch on his shirt rubbing against his cheek. Daehyun must of felt his nervousness because he subtly shifted, shielding Jongup. “Can you tell me how old you are, please?” Seokjin interjected, “It could help with your brother’s care”       

“How?” Jongup asked, a little suspicious. Taehyung could see that the phrasing of the question would immediately send the wrong sort of message to the teen. By asking for his age and then saying it would help Junhong was wrong. To Jongup it would only reinforce his fears. Taehyung had to do something. He couldn’t allow the other to make Jongup anymore upset than he already was. Seokjin, Hoseok and Namjoon had to go. “You all need to leave.” Taehyung announced to the surprise of his hyungs. “Daehyun can stay.” he added, having seen the flinch and tensing of Jongup’s body language, thankfully the tension eased with the assurance that Daehyun would remain. Namjoon wasn’t happy with leaving Taehyung alone. Jongup was unpredictable and upset. Desperate. As Namjoon reminded Taehyung; desperate people do desperate things. To satisfy his hyungs concerns Taehyung would need to ensure his own safety. But first, Jongup would have to be comfortable with whoever stayed. That meant Jimin was out of the question. Having sedated him twice, Jimin was a threat to Jongup. Even if it wasn’t true. There was also a chance that Jongup would not react well to Jungkook, having not met him previously. An unknown person would potentially make Jongup even more agitated. The only sensible option was Yoongi. “Can Yoongi-hyung stay?”A full minute passed before Jongup agreed with a small “sure” 

 

Content that someone would be able to keep Taehyung safe should the situation erupt, Namjoon left taking Hoseok and Seokjin with him. “Do you think you would be comfortable sitting here?” Taehyung has slipped into his professional headspace. He needed Jongup to cooperate and more importantly, he needed him to be comfortable. By asking Taehyung was giving Jongup a choice. Any decision he made would give him some power and would show him that he was not at risk. The chair that Taehyung had pointed out was previously occupied by Hoseok. It was also close enough to Daehyun. 

“Thank you” Taehyung praised Jongup as he complied, settling onto the aforementioned chair. “I’d like to ask you some questions. You don’t have to answer them but I would like you to try. Is that ok?”

“What kind of questions?” Jongup countered, he didn’t want to reveal too much to these people but at the same time he didn’t want to hamper Junhong’s recovery. 

“About Junhong. Knowing a little about his past will help us. Remember you don’t have to answer me” Taehyung kept his tone calm, patience was key here. Whilst it was true that knowing a little bit about Junhong would benefit his care, Jongup’s answers would not be that important in the long run. Asking about Junhong was just one way that Taehyung could effectively analyse and decide how best to help Jongup.   

“Let’s start with a simple question; How old is Junhong?”

“I think, 16? Maybe. I don’t know exactly. I’m about 17 so...he’s younger.”

“Is he allergic to anything? Medicine or food?”

“Umm, no. He doesn’t get sick much and he’ll eat anything”

“Ok, that’s good. It will help us a lot.”

 

“I have a question.” Yoongi voiced. He had every right join the conversation, although Taehyung had hoped that he wouldn’t. Jongup was more wary of Yoongi than he was of the others despite him allowing Yoongi to stay. As a hyung Yoongi of two very different and unique people, he was able to relate to Jongup in a way that Taehyung couldn’t. It was part of why Yoongi could be viewed as a threat to Jongup. He’d been able to pick up on Jongup’s desire to protect Junhong. There had been something in the way that Jongup acted that had raised flags to Yoongi. And to the other Bangtan members. “Has Junhong ever been hurt? Physically?”

Jongup replied truthfully “Sometimes. Before we left the orphanage. I tried to shield him but I couldn’t be there all the time. It’s why we ran. It was safer on the streets”

“Safer?” Daehyun blurted, “How could it be safer?”

“Because we were safe from people like you!”

“That’s not fair Jongup.” Taehyung said, “We haven’t done anything to hurt you or your brother”

“His partner shot Junhong!”

“It was an accident! Jae didn’t mean it” Daehyun exclaimed, earnest and sincere, “We really didn’t mean to hurt you both”

“Was Junhong ever sexually abused?” Yoongi asked bluntly. The question had been bothering the entirety of Bangtan since Jongup had first offered his body to Yoongi and Hoseok. For the teen to have thought that giving his body as payment was acceptable implied that he had been a victim of sexual abuse. For Jongup to insist he take his brother’s place only showed Taehyung that Jongup thought little of himself. That Junhong was worth more. Yoongi’s question was not one that Taehyung would have asked so plainly. 

**“Excuse me?”** Jongup spat, his rage was evident.  **“** What makes you think that Hongie has ever,  **EVER,** been used that like? How dare you think that! How dare you even consider it! That it even crossed your mind is sickening! I would never let my brother get hurt like that! He’s a child, A BABY! He doesn’t know anything. He’s innocent! I would die for him, to protect him.  _ I’d do anything to keep my dongsaeng safe!” _

“I thought so” Yoongi murmured, more to himself than to Jongup. It made perfect sense that Junhong was ignorant of Jongup’s experiences. The last statement was the worse. For the adults it was obvious that Jongup would keep his word. He really would do anything for his brother, to spare him from the truth. It was Daehyun that voiced the unspoken question, the question that needed to be asked, that no-one wanted to ask. “Jongup...wh-what happened to you?”

“I don’t want to answer.”

“Please?” Daehyun implored him, he needed to know. Needed to understand why Jongup was guarded, to understand why he was so sure he would be hurt or worse. “Why do you think we want Junhong?” Taehyung asked, rephrasing the question. He had a feeling that Jongup would answer a long as it related to his brother. Especially if it related to his safety. 

“Because you didn’t want me” Jongup said with a shrug, “I know he’s prettier, softer. He’s innocent. He wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t know how to please Minty or Daehyun. Junhong would cry and fight you” His voice was low, the words harsh but said with a quiet indifference. “I think you’d like it more.” 

“Yoongi, my name is Yoongi. Not Minty” 

“I don’t really care.” Jongup snapped, “your name doesn’t matter. Unless you want me to scream it later or something”

“ _ Jesus Christ”  _ Yoongi sighed, running his hand over his hair, “What the fuck kid? I told you. I fucking told you no. It’s so wrong.”

Taehyung was quick to agree, “We would never force someone to have sex, or to pay with it” Daehyun nodded emphatically. 

“Why not? What makes you so different? You’re all the same in the end. Nothing changes” Jongup insisted, his body language defensive once more. He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Taehyung could read the shame and fear in Jongup’s expression. The teen was speaking with brutal honesty but making himself as small as possible as he did. Hiding away. It hurt Taehyung’s heart to see that Jongup was so certain, that he was so sure that Yoongi and Daehyun were only waiting for the opportunity to rape him. Or Junhong. “You all want repayment in the end. And it’s never money. All you ever fucking want is sex. And those that pretend they don’t are only waiting for you to let your guard down. They’ll say “It’s ok, it’s a favour, yeah” and the moment you go to walk away or leave they’re like “lol jokes” and make you wish you’d died. Except you don’t die and you have to carry on, you have to smile and thank them for being so generous. If you cry it’s worse. Though some like it. Whatever they want, it hurts and there’s nothing you can do but take it.” Jongup paused, panting as though he’d just ran a marathon. His forehead was resting on his knees, hiding his face. “They hold everything,  _ anything _ over you. I give and I give and I give but it’s never enough, you know? I thought that I wouldn’t have to anymore. But now…” 

He looked up, fierce and defiant, “You won’t fool me. I know you’re just waiting for us to relax. To let you in. I know. I know you're waiting, but you don’t have too, I’ll give you what you want, I'll let you fuck me but please, please don’t hurt Junhong. I’ll do anything,  _ anything _ . Just please, please promise me you won’t touch him.  _ Please!”  _

“Jongup, stop.” Yoongi begged, distressed, “It really is ok. Youngjae is paying for Junhong. Daehyun is here to keep you safe, he isn’t waiting to fuck you,  _ I’m not going to fuck you _ .”

“I don’t believe you”

Taehyung couldn’t let this continue. Jongup was a danger to himself, he genuinely believed Yoongi would rape him. Bangtan had seen other victims but Jongup was the first that openly refused to believe he was safe with BTS. This was beyond Taehyung. It was beyond Yoongi. Neither knew what to do, what to say. Daehyun was equally distressed. Despite belonging to Matoki, Daehyun  was a good man. He was principled and followed a strict code of ethics. He would never exploit Jongup, or any child. To be told that he was just like the men who had, hurt. It hurt so badly. Keen and sharp, twisting and tearing at his very soul.  There was only one person that Daehyun knew could reach out to Jongup. Who could understand why he felt the way he did. But Jongup would never trust the person. Wouldn’t allow him near Junhong. 

The only person that could help Jongup was Youngjae. 


	13. In which Youngjae returns to the Clinic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for this guys. I don't mean to make your hearts hurt...  
> Love Isa.

I almost wish we hadn’t found him. I knew I would be seeing this; the boy crying in the crate, in my sleep. The image had burned itself into my mind. I can’t stand the dried blood. Or the flaked white staining Chan’s naked form. His skin is icy. Of course he’s cold. Shivering not with fear but from the damp chilliness of the basement.There’s nothing in the basement that we could use to wrap Chan up with. Wonwoo isn’t wearing anything we could use either, nor is Minghao. The only thing I have is my coat. Long, woollen and more than big enough to cover Chan. I left the damn coat in the car.

“Wait.” I say. Wonwoo doesn’t like it. I know he wants out of here but we can’t take him out onto the street like this. “I have a coat in the car” Wonwoo relaxes slightly. It doesn’t take me long to get to the car and back. As long as I ignore the pain in my chest. I had almost forgotten my aching ribs with the discovery of the basement. It takes both me and Minghao to get Chan out of the crate. Wonwoo is able to keep the boy calm enough that he’s not shying away from us. We can’t get the coat on him though. He just won’t let go of Wonwoo. I’m pretty damn sure Wonwoo will bruise from Chan’s desperate strength. But we make it work.

Because we have to.    

Minghao cradles Chan, the boy is too weak to walk, too weak to really move. Had it not been for the faint whimper and Wonwoo, neither of us would’ve noticed him. He would have died down there, in the dark locked in that fucking dog crate. Chan is so small, so thin. Thinner than my pair of Strays. “Be careful” Wonwoo instructs Minghao. He didn’t need to warn him. Chan whimpers, struggling once he’s separated from Wonwoo. Minghao shushes him, we don’t really have time to soothe the boy. We need to leave. Now. The longer we stay in this house and outside of a safe territory, the greater the danger. Wonwoo does what he can to help. Awkwardly edging his way up the stairs, almost walking sideways because the only way to get Chan to stop fighting is for Wonwoo to hold his hand. We don’t need my phone to light the way as the lights from the hallway reach the staircase. Progress is slow. I’m cautious. The house had been clear when I fetched my coat but that been at least ten minutes ago. Anyone could be waiting for us now. It’d do no good for us to have rescued Wonwoo and Chan only to be killed now. The hallway is clear but I wait, checking to see if the coast is clear before allowing the others out. “Let’s go hyung!” Minghao whispers impatiently, he’s just as concerned as I am but he’s not as cautious, not as experienced. There! From the first room, someone is in the house. “Sh!” I hiss back. The door to the front room is still open, I can see through the small gap pinpointing the threat. A man. Well dressed and armed. It meant that whoever had taken Wonwoo knew we had come looking for him. Had already killed the guards. From the casual stance I would say he didn’t know about the basement. Or that we were still in the house.

We can’t risk a loose end.

The gunshot is loud. Too loud in the silence of the house. Had my shot not been true, we wouldn’t have stood a chance. “Wonwoo, take Hao’s gun. You go first” I don’t bother waiting to see if Wonwoo does as he’s told. I can hear them go passed as I enter the room. Gun drawn in case the guy isn’t dead. I doubted that he was alive, afterall a headshot is almost always fatal but it pays to be careful. I gingerly nudge him with my foot. Yep. One hundred per cent dead. I holster my gun and crouch down, I need to search him. We’d already picked through the house before we’d entered the basement, collecting anything we thought that Jihoon could use. I make quick work of checking this guy’s pockets, revealing some loose change and a phone. A phone that is locked and passworded. It could be useful.

By the time I get to the car, Minghao has the engine running, ready to go. Wonwoo is in the back with Chan. The boy has settled somewhat now that he’s with Wonwoo. I’d find the connection a little concerning if it wasn’t for the fact I understood. I had clung to Daehyun when we were younger, before Himchan had taken us in. For me, Daehyun was the only person that I could trust who wouldn’t take advantage of my vulnerability or weakness. Minghao peeks up at the rearview mirror, he’d angled it so he could see his hyung and Chan. “Is he ok?” he asks worried. I twist round just enough to see that Chan is huddled against Wonwoo. His face is scrunched up, eyes closed and visibly distressed. “It’s the light” I realise. Chan had been imprisoned in the basement without light for god knows how long…

“Have you called Jihoon?” I ask as a way to break the tension. I hear Wonwoo shift, he’s probably pulling the collar of my coat up to cover Chan’s face. At least I hope so. My coat practically swallows the boy. “Not yet” Minghao answers curtly, concentrating on the road. “Give me your phone”

“I’m driving Hyung”

“I don’t have Jihoon’s number” I counter, I don’t want to reach over and take his phone from his pocket. It’d be rude. And potentially dangerous. I heard that Minghao wasn’t one for being touched. At all. I could respect that. We had promised to call Jihoon as soon as we had located Wonwoo and you did not under any circumstance break a promise to Min Jihoon. “It’s in my left pocket” Minghao concedes, allowing me to take the device. It’s passworded. “Does Wonwoo know the code?”

“I do” Wonwoo speaks, joining the conversation for the first time. “Let me do it”

It’s probably better for Wonwoo to speak to Jihoon. Like Minghao said, the pair were close and Jihoon had felt the loss of his hyung keenly. I hand the phone to him. Chan has all but disappeared under my coat. All I can see of him is a tuft of his hair. He’s still shaking making the coat quiver. Wonwoo winces as he takes the phone. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was injured internally. We can’t take them both to Pledis or Matoki without getting them medical care. The pain in my chest is also worrying. I can’t tell if my ribs are broken or not. I need to get that checked but first, we need to see to Chan. “You know where Seokjin’s clinic is right?”

Minghao quickly answers affirmatively. Of course he knew! All the members of Pledis knew that Jihoon’s eldest hyung was the Second of Bangtan. It was a stupid question. “Take us there Hao”

Minghao says nothing but side-eyes me. This guy has a bitch face to rival Jihoon.

“Jihoon says he’ll meet us at the Clinic” Wonwoo says after he’s finished speaking to Jihoon. He pockets Minghao’s phone. I don’t think  Minghao is too happy about that but he’s too busy driving to demand it back. “Did he speak to Bangtan? I’m not the most welcome there at the moment and I’d rather not upset Namjoon. Or Yoongi” I say, I wasn’t sure where I stood with BTS at the moment. I knew Namjoon was still angry with me and Yoongi was, well, Yoongi. I never knew where I stood with him. For all I knew I would be barred and turned away.

“Don’t be stupid. You fucked up but it won’t change anything. The Clinic is for everyone” Wonwoo lectured me. “And you covered your debt to Hoonie so it’s all good”

“I don’t think fetching you is enough to cover my debt, Wonwoo-ssi. I still have to pay Bangtan for the boys”

I should’ve thought about my phrasing. I should have chosen my words better.

 

Chan is screaming.

“ _Fuck!”_ Minghao curses, startled. We’re lucky that he’s a professional because the suddenness of Chan’s scream is enough to make us all jump. Had I been driving I would’ve swerved, crashing the car. Minghao doesn’t. “I didn’t mean it like that” I try, hoping if I explain it might help calm Chan. Chan isn’t listening to me. If anything he screams louder, almost crawling onto Wonwoo’s lap, he’s that close to him. It’s like Chan’s trying to get as far away from me as possible. “It’s ok, you’re safe now, I promise” Wonwoo is saying, doing a much better job at soothing him. “Jae-hyung is nice. He was talking about something else. I swear, you’re safe with us”

With my Strays, I had known what to do. I had kept Jongup calm when we had been waiting for news. I knew not to sit too close, not get into his space. I didn’t have to worry about my fucking words. I don’t know what to do now. I can’t relate, I don’t know how to help, how to make Chan see I didn’t mean ‘pay for’ like _that…_ like I had brought the boys from Bangtan.

 

Chan’s screaming had morphed into near-silent mewls.

It doesn’t surprise any of us that he doesn’t have the energy to sustain his panic but it does worry us. Wonwoo especially. He’s urging Minghao to drive faster, to hurry. There’s a different kind of urgency to when we had taken Junhong to BTS. Chan is not well. He’s still too cold despite the coat. He’s exhausted. Jongup had been thin, too thin for my liking but Chan is near skeletal. Starving and dehydrated. At least one of the cuts along his back have to be infected.     

Like I said, Chan would’ve died in that basement. We have a chance to save him. If I’m honest, I don’t think it’s much of a chance. It’s too little too late for Chan. But I keep my mouth shut. Wonwoo has bonded with the boy. To say that I’m sure Chan won’t make it, even if we get him to the clinic, will only cause more distress. More pain. Wonwoo sighs in relief as we cross into Bangtan’s territory. He’s finally safe, just as protected here as he would be in Pledis’ territory. It also means the Clinic is close.

Yoongi is not waiting for us when we pull in to the parking lot behind the Clinic. Then again, none of us are bleeding to death, or drowning in our own blood. Minghao is the one to carry Chan into the Clinic. Wonwoo is close by. He’s more hurt than either of us had realised because he’s swaying, struggling to remain upright. Obviously he had been running on adrenaline when we’d rescued him. Without it dulling the pain Wonwoo can barely stand without my help. It’s Jungkook that meets us inside, directing us into the Triage room. Minghao sets Chan down on one of the beds. Jungkook visibly pales, staring. Chan had looked bad in the light of my phone. He’d looked worse in the daylight.

He looked worse under the fluorescent lights. _Oh God_ , it’s awful. Pale, paper thin skin, jutting bones, the bruises, the cuts, the ragged wounds across his wrists…

It makes me sick.

 

Sardonic amusement is the most common of Jihoon’s expressions. Sheer horror and disgust are not. He’s got one hand clapped over his mouth biting back the shock. “What the _fuck?”_ Jihoon snarls, “Who did this?”

Wonwoo spares his Leader a glance, he’s shaking his head, willing Jihoon to shut the fuck up. Chan registers the anger in Jihoon’s voice but not the words. He whimpers, cringing and reaching for Wonwoo. “- _se”_

Please.

He’s begging.

Please.

It’s the first word Chan’s spoken.

 _please..._      

Seokjin takes one look at Chan and orders Jimin to prepare a sedative, just in case. “Wait!” Wonwoo commands, “don’t. Let me talk to him ok? He’ll be fine if I explain what you’re doing” he pleads. For Chan, having Wonwoo talk him through whatever Seokjin needs to do will help. He’ll be less frightened, less likely to panic and attempt to fight. Chan needed to stay as still as possible so Seokjin could get an IV in him. It’s the quickest way to hydrate him. It also means that any medicine he needs can be administered directly.

But Chan isn’t fine. He doesn’t understand.

He’s too scared.

I can’t bear to watch as Seokjin has to restrain him, I can’t bear to hear the crying and the pleading as he’s sedated.

I just can’t.  

 

****IAmALineBreak****

 

Daehyun finds me, sitting in the Lounge with my head in my hands. “Jae?”

“Hmm?” I don’t bother looking up. If I did, he would see how spooked I am. And then he’d worry.

“What happened?” he asks. I can hear the concern in his voice. It’s bearable. I remain silent. I don’t know what to say. I would have to tell him about Chan, about what I had seen…

I’d have to tell him about the pictures.

 

“How are the- _What the fuck happened to you!”_ When I had left the Clinic yesterday Daehyun had been the picture of health. He’d been absolutely a-ok. In one happy and annoying piece.  He was not in the same condition I had left him in. He was not a-ok. He looked like he’d gone two rounds with a particularly malicious cat. The scratches across his forearms are bright against his tan skin. At least two of them have been stitched closed. I freeze. _They aren’t scratches_ …

“Who attacked you?” I’m gentle when I take his hand, inspecting the wounds, “ _I’ll make them fucking pay!”_

Daehyun laughs.

Actually laughs. Like, legitimately giggles.

“I’m serious! Who hurt you?”

“It’s fine Jae. Really,” Daehyun says breezily, “It was an accident”

“How in the hell can someone ‘ACCIDENTLY’ knife you?”

“Look, you’ve got to promise to stay calm ok?” Daehyun waits patiently for me to agree. He’s not one to brush off an injury. Nor is he one to defend someone if they had hurt him on purpose. Daehyun would tell me. He promised never to hide it from me. He promised. Which is why I’ve got an awful feeling. “It was Jongup wasn’t it?” I realise. Daehyun’s shyness suddenly made sense. He was protecting Jongup.

“It really was an accident Jae! He didn’t mean to hurt me”

I have to remind myself to breathe deeply, to calm down. “What happened?” I can’t help but hiss through my teeth.

“He… he thought, Jae, he thought we wanted to hurt Junhong.”   

“What? That doesn’t make sense” Yes, it was my fault his brother was here but we had helped the boys, had brought Junhong to the Clinic. If we wanted to hurt them I would’ve just shot Jongup and let Junhong bleed to death. Or choke, whatever one killed him faster.

“Not physically” Daehyun says, barely speaking above a whisper. He let’s the words hang, letting the implication sink in. I gasp, staring straight at Daehyun, “ _no”_ I can’t believe it.

But I can.

I can believe it. Jongup begged us to save his brother, had said Junhong was all he had. He had tried to get in between me and Junhong when he thought I was going to shoot him. I had not doubt that Jongup would do whatever he could to protect his brother if he thought Junhong was in danger. Especially if he was trying to protect Junhong from suffering as he had.    

The pictures in my pocket proved Jongup has suffered.

There had been no photos of Junhong.

“Tell me. Tell me the boys are ok” I demand. I need to hear that they’re safe. That both boys are ok before I ask Daehyun to tell me what happened. I needed to hear that whatever had happened overnight had not affected their care. That Namjoon would not demand they leave. “They’re ok. Well, Junhong is. Jongup is… he’s not ok. We can’t get through to him at all.” Daehyun confesses.

“I don’t understand”

Daehyun sighs, running his fingers through his messy hair, “That’s the problem. Jongup doesn’t understand why we won’t… why we won’t _rape him…”_ Daehyun trails off, he squeezes his eyes shut, I’ve seen him do that before, whenever he’s upset and trying not to cry. There’s nothing I can really say to make him feel better. His voice is shakey, “Taehyung managed to convince him that we won’t, you know, _hurt_ Junhong but… Jae… he keeps asking why we haven’t made him pay yet, why we’re letting him stay with Junhong without…, oh god, I… I don’t know why he won’t listen!”

I’m still holding Daehyun’s hand.

He won’t like what I’m about to tell him.

“Jihoon gave me a job today” I begin. Daehyun hums, he’d already been told as much. “We found his missing member, and… and we found something else”

“I know about the boy” Daehyun interrupts, “I-”

“Hush” I say, “We found something else. Something bad”

Daehyun is confused. Compared to Chan, I imagine that whatever he thinks I’m about to say doesn’t compare. He’s right in a way. Chan is more damaged than Jongup is. At first glance. The only difference between Chan and Jongup is that Jongup is broken in a different way. “We found these” My hand feels cold, icy and _wrong_ as I hand the photos to Daehyun. I let go of his hand, allowing him to shuffle through the pile. I know the exact moment he reaches the photos of Jongup. Daehyun gasps, shock, outrage, horror rapidly flitting across his expression. “I-is this?”

“Yes.”

“Oh god. _Oh my fucking god!_ ” Daehyun breathes, his hands are shaking. The photos of Jongup are some of the worse in the pile. Some of the most horrific. “He said, h- I can’t believe this… Who? Who would do this to a child?”

“I don’t know” I answer him honestly, I truly did not know how anyone could not only abuse a child but also record themselves in the act.

“Jongup told us that he’d kept the truth from Junhong, that he would do anything to keep him safe. He told us… he told us that he’d… I think I get it now” Daehyun says.

 

Daehyun didn’t have a fucking clue.  


	14. In which we learn a little more about Youngjae and Jongup makes some progress

Part of me wants to take the pillow Junhong is sleeping on and smother him with it. _Wouldn’t it be better if we did?_ The voice  says, _you wouldn’t have to worry about him. Just think, no-one can hurt him if he’s dead. No pain, no fear… we could spare him…he wouldn’t have to suffer… we wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. They can’t hurt us if there’s nothing to protect… can’t hurt us if Junhong is dead._ No matter how I try to ignore the voice, no matter what I do I always come back to the same thought. The same irrational jealousy. It’s hatred. Pure and simple. This part of me _despises_ Junhong. Because he’ll never understand, never know what’s it like to be held down and violated, he’ll never know what it’s like to be passed around like a fucking toy. Used and abused until there’s nothing left. Until you can’t feel, can’t think, _can’t fucking breathe without tasting the scent of sex and violence and pain…_

I hate it and I hate Junhong.

I don’t hate him.

I want too but I don’t. Because he never asked me to protect him, never asked me to make the sacrifices I did. All Junhong wants from me is me. His hyung, who he loves and is loved by in return. It makes me mad. Mad and sad and confused. I can feel it. The part that hates him, the part that offers me reasons and logic. The justification for acting on the wicked impulses. Sometimes it’s quiet. Waiting and waiting and waiting. Coiled, still… picking the moment when I’m low, when I’m feeling the bitterness and grief the most. When Junhong is happy and smiling and _living._

I want it all to stop.

To go away and leave me alone.

 

Taehyung hasn’t left us. He told Daehyun that he’ll keep an eye on me for the moment. He’d been outside Hongie’s room when he’d said it but I heard him. Heard Daehyun ask Taehyung not to leave me alone. He knows I still don’t believe them, still don’t trust them not to fuck me. I know they’re telling the truth about Junhong though. I had thought Minty would’ve liked the confusion and tears more but I realise now that he likes a little spice, a little sass. The experience to put up just enough fight to make him feel powerful. Junhong could never satisfy Minty. So yes, I know Junhong is safe with these people. I wish it were the same for me. I wish I could believe Minty when he assures me that he won’t under any circumstance touch me. I know better. That’s how it starts. How they trick you. I hadn’t been fucked since we stole our first car. Experience tells me that it will hurt. It always does, especially when there’s been time to recover, to heal. I wasn’t looking forward to it by any means. I know I had come across eager to the Leader but I’m not. I just don’t want to wait. The anticipation is almost as bad as the act itself. A sort of gnawing anxiety if you will. Sitting in the pit of my stomach, lodging in my throat.  

Taehyung says something to me, but I’m not listening, not caring. It’s rude and will make it all the worse for me when Minty finally comes for me but I can’t find it in me to care. To acknowledge Taehyung. He keeps trying, keeps repeating the same thing. I’m not stupid, there’s only so many ways you can ask someone if they’re ok before you start repeating yourself. Only so many ways you can draw someone into confessing their feelings, their fears before it becomes apparent that the person has no intention of speaking. He doesn’t like that I’m silent. That all I’ve done since being brought back to Junhong stare at the damn pillow.

Maybe I could try smothering myself?

 

Junhong doesn’t need me. Not really. All I’ve ever done is caused trouble. I mean, I should’ve talked him out of taking the job, could have actually bothered to really try. Look where my patheticness has gotten us! Junhong got shot. He would’ve died had Daehyun and Youngjae not found us, if they hadn’t taken pity on us. If I was gone then Junhong wouldn’t need to know about the things I’d done. About the things I’d kept from him. And Daehyun had promised Junhong was safe here.

I didn’t have to protect him anymore.

 

Junhong didn’t need me.  

 

Except he did.

I’d done too much, given too much to give up now. To leave Junhong alone. If I left him, he’d never forgive me. He’d never forgive himself for not doing something. He’ll brood and dwell on everything, every word I said, every action, trying to find something, anything that he should have noticed, _a sign_. I couldn’t hurt him like that. It’d break him. I think that’s why I’m being watched. Daehyun thinks I’m going to do something stupid, to hurt myself. He should know better. I can’t go anywhere when I have a debt to pay. I promised to let them do whatever they wanted to me. I wouldn’t run even if I could. I don’t have the energy too. I don’t have the energy left to care.

I just want it over with already. At least once it’s done I can leave, I can take Hongie home and pretend it never happened.

“I want to go home” I murmur

Taehyung startles, he’d finally given up on me talking to him and had taken up filling the silence with meaningless drivel. “I’m sorry Jongup but you can’t” he says. His tone is light, the words said with gentle patience. I knew I couldn’t. All the time Junhong was here I couldn’t leave. All the time that the debt stood unpaid, I couldn’t leave.

It didn’t mean I had to like it.

“Why not?” I snap, trying to force as much of the hatred and anger and sadness as I could into the words. Purging my mind and heart. Emptying my soul of feeling. “You can’t stop me leaving. You can’t stop me from taking Hongie. We don’t need you. Any of you!”

“Yoongi’s brother thinks you’re in danger. Youngjae-hyung does too” Taehyung explains, his face is blank, expressionless. I know he’s trying to make himself seem less threatening, less readable. He doesn’t have to bother. He can take his ‘Tae-time’ and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine…

“Who the hell does Shooter think he is? How dare he tell me what I can and can’t do!”

“Youngjae-hyung” Taehyung corrects firmly.

Taehyung isn’t the target of my anger, he’s not the target of anything really. He’s just a tool. An object I can focus on. A thing I can use to quash the poisonous voice in my head. “And who gives a fuck about Minty’s brother?!” I hadn’t meant to shout. Hadn’t meant to raise my voice at all but I can’t help it. It’s like the knotted, tangled mess in my head erupts, “You know what? I’m done. I’m so fucking done with this shit! I… I can’t do this anymore, I can’t. I won’t! I’m done, I’ve had eno-”

“Hyung?”

Junhong is awake. He’s awake and staring at me wide-eyed. Scared. Confused. Worried. “Can’t do what, hyung?”

Taehyung is quick to settle Junhong, helping him sit up without hurting himself, without straining his chest. He’s telling Hongie that I’m just tired, just feeling a little too much right now and it’s ok, its all ok and hyung is ok too.

I’m not tired.

I’m not ‘feeling too much’

I’m not feeling anything except white-hot rage and fucking _malice_

I’m not ok.

If I stay here I might hurt Junhong.

If I stay here, I _will hurt Junhong_

So I leave. Fleeing the room, passed Taehyung, ignoring my brother’s cry. Sprinting through the door and _out…_

I keep running once I’m out of the room. Running and running down the corridor. I don’t know where I’m going or where I am. All I know is that I have to get as far away from my brother as I can. The more distance there is between us the less likely I’ll fuck up. The less likely he’ll get hurt. In my heart I know I’d never hurt him, I couldn’t. I knew it in my heart but the logic didn’t compute. I couldn’t tell the difference between the toxic, vile thoughts and my true feelings anymore. It’s a chaotic, bewildering mess. One I didn’t have the strength to unravel.  

 

I don’t expect to be grabbed and hauled around, spun to face a taller, slender man. “Let me _go!”_ I shriek, struggling in his grip, tugging at his wrist, trying desperately to free myself, “Let me go damn it! _LEAVE ME ALONE!”_

The man says something I don’t understand. It’s not Korean. “Please, just let me go” I beg, I can’t get free. This man just won’t let go. I don’t know who he is, or why he’s not speaking Korean. “Let me go!” I try again in English but he still refuses to release me.  “Nǐ hái hǎo ma?”

“No! Let me go! _Please!”_ I don’t understand, I can’t tell what he’s saying. It’s not spiteful or angry whatever it is but I’m not thinking clearly. I don’t want him touching me and I _just can’t get free!_

“Minghao! What are you _doing_?”

 

It’s Youngjae.

He looks pissed.

****IAmALineBreak****

Daehyun is staring at the pictures. He hasn’t been able to look away since he’d found the ones of Jongup. I should do something, I should take the photos back and comfort my hyung. I don’t. I leave the pictures where they are and Daehyun with his thoughts. I guess I’m a little afraid of what he’ll ask me. He might ask something a little too close to the mark, might ask about the past. The last thing I want to do is bring _that_ up. I don’t want to explain to Dae that I know exactly what Jongup’s been through, or that I understand why he’s so afraid of us, that he’s convinced someone is going to hurt him in the end.

“Let me go damn it!” Both of us jolt, surprised by the sudden noise in the otherwise quiet Clinic. As far as I was aware most of Bangtan were with Chan and Wonwoo in the Triage room. Where, I should be.

It takes me a second before it clicks. _I recognised that voice_

“ _LEAVE ME ALONE!”_      

It’s Jongup. He sounds terrified. Desperate.

Daehyun is a split second behind me. I didn’t realise I was moving, acting on instinct. I just had to get to Jongup, to protect him from whoever, _whatever_ was scaring him so badly.

Minghao has Jongup by his arm, holding him in a vice-like grip. He’s frowning, repeating the same question despite Jongup’s struggling. I want to be generous, to say that Minghao is reacting just like anyone who had been confronted by the sickening images, the horrific treatment of Chan, that he was now acting out of genuine concern.

All I can focus on is the way that Jongup is giving up, is resigning himself to his fate. He’s stopped fighting, stopped struggling.

It is all to clear that he thinks this is it. That he’s going to be raped or beaten.

Daehyun is frozen. He hasn’t met Minghao. He doesn’t know who he is or why he’s here in the Clinic. He doesn’t know what to do. But I do.

“Minghao! What are you _doing?”_

Minghao flinches and releases Jongup. “Hyung,” he says, “he was going to hurt himself” the explanation is slow, the words heavily accented. “I was trying to help” Jongup stumbles a little before collapsing in a heap. He’s panting, almost hyperventilating. I’m not sure what happened or why Jongup was in the corridor, what I was certain of, is that he’s absolutely terrified of Minghao. I know he’s afraid because he’s scrambling up and staggering to me. I catch him before he can fall, wincing at the pain as he all but throws himself at me. “Youngjae” Jongup whimpers, hiding his face against my chest, “hyung, _please_ …” I don’t say anything, I don’t know what I _could_ say. I’m left just holding him close and patting his back awkwardly.

It’s enough.

Jongup’s breathing eases, calms. He’s not shaking so badly now.   

Daehyun claps me on the shoulder, smiling widely and offering me a ‘thumbs-up’.

Minghao looks ashamed, he’s beating himself up for upsetting Jongup. I knew he hadn’t meant too. He had only be trying to help. To stop Jongup from hurting himself. I knew Minghao wouldn’t lie to me. “Why aren’t you with Wonwoo?”

He goes to answer me but is interrupted by Taehyung. The BTS member is pale-faced, a little breathless and all too relieved to see us with-

“Jongup!” Taehyung gasps, “there you are!”

The fact that Taehyung is relieved worries me. It makes me wonder what happened to spook Jongup. For Minghao to also think he was going to hurt himself.

And then I remember; _Jongup had been with Junhong_

“What the fuck happened?” Daehyun snarls, voicing the question before I can ask it.

Jongup peeks over at Daehyun but doesn’t leave my embrace.

“I don’t know” Taehyung answers blunt and honest, “We were talking and I think Jongup just panicked” It made sense, especially if Taehyung had pressed too deep, had asked something that touched a nerve.            

I don’t think that’s all this was. Jongup isn’t panicked, no, it’s more… he’s scared, spooked.

 

I don’t have time to follow that thought because Minghao’s phone chimes. He reaches for his phone, fumbling slightly. I can’t really tell if he’s intimidated by me or Daehyun. Either way, he shouldn’t be, unless we were on opposing sides that is. I’d slay this bitch then. “Jihoon-hyungnim wants to know where you are” Minghao informs us. Daehyun gives me a confused look, I hadn’t told him that I was hurt. I also hadn’t told him that I’d left before Bangtan could treat me. “I don’t see how it’s any business of his”

Jongup tucks himself under my arm, I wish he’d stop fidgeting because it hurts. I can’t hide the low grunt of pain or the wince as he moves. “That’s why” Minghao sasses, “He told me to bring you back, Youngjae-hyung”

“You’re hurt” Daehyun says. It’s not a question. He’s sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose, “For fuck sake Jae! I told you not to do that…” he trails off. I hadn’t meant to piss him off, but I’d not told him for a reason. I don’t like being babied and Dae seems to go into overprotective-hyung mode whenever I get a scratch, let alone actually injured. “Heh…”

“Heh my arse! You know what? Fuck you Jae!” he yells, visibly annoyed. To be fair, he’s more frustrated than angry. “Just go. Don’t argue with me.”

“Are you coming with me?”

Daehyun shakes his head. I’m a little surprised. He normally follows me around like a damn puppy when I’m hurt but I guess he’s actually mad at me this time. Or, more likely, he knows I won’t piss Jihoon off. “I’m gonna check on Junhong. Taehyung will take me, besides I’m sure he’ll want to know his hyung is ok”

Jongup agrees, “please? Tell him I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare him”

Taehyung seems reluctant to leave Jongup here with me, “Why don’t you come back with us? Wouldn’t it be better if you tell Junhong, yourself?” he asked, although Taehyung wants to help, I don’t think Jongup should be with Junhong. For the moment at least. Whatever had driven Jongup to run needed to be addressed first. I’m loathe to do it but I answer for him, “No. He’ll be staying with me”

Minghao is waiting patiently, watching and analysing the conversation between us. “Come on Hyung” He orders softly, “Hyung-nim is waiting for you”

“Come on TaeTae,” Daehyun says brightly, “tell me how Junhong is doing” Taehyung goes along with Dae, letting him lead the way. We don’t watch them go. Instead Minghao steps past me, leaving enough space that neither Jongup or I feel threatened by his closeness. It’s polite of him. Jongup pauses for a moment, thinking. He can’t cling to me now that he knows I’m sore and there’s no threat to him. I’m not sure what he’s doing. I think he wants to be close to me but he’s wary. As we make our way back to the Triage room, I feel a shy, barely-there touch against my hand. It’s a question, a seeking of permission before committing. Jongup wants to hold my hand.

It makes me smile because he wants to be reassured and comforted. It makes me smile because he initiated the contact, he made the first move. I know it doesn’t mean he trusts me any more than he did before, it just means that he trust me not to harm him. He trusts me to protect him.

Even if my chest is aching.

 

****IAmALinebreak****      

When we get to the Triage room its quiet. Jihoon is perched on the edge of Wonwoo’s bed, swinging his legs in time with a tune only he can hear. He ignores us. Wonwoo is dozing, made lethargic by the pain medication. I can’t see Chan, the curtains around his bed are drawn, hiding him from view. I can hear the slow steady beep of a heart monitor and the muted hiss of an oxygen mask, though. “Ah, Youngjae! So glad to see you’re still standing” Yoongi says with unnecessary sweetness. “I was worried Minghao would have to scrape you off the floor”

“Go fuck yourself” I don’t have the patience to deal with his bitchiness. Nor do I have the emotional strength to duel with him. Verbally. Jongup takes one look at Jimin and freezes, squeezing my hand tight. “ _It’s him”_ he hisses. I’m almost amused with the sheer fright in Jimin’s doe eyes. He’s too obvious in his fear of Jongup. And Jongup is just as afraid. I squeeze back, gently though because of the bandages on Jongup’s hand “Jimin will behave himself, won’t he Yoongi?” I ask. Verbal reassurance would definitely help Jongup. It would also protect Jimin. From me.

Like I said earlier, I’d slay a bitch to keep Jongup safe.

Starting with Yoongi.

But he didn’t need to know that.

“Sure. Now sit your arse down and let hyung check you over” He directs me to the bed opposite Wonwoo. Jihoon waves merrily. I’m glad to see that Jongup is careful to avoid Jihoon’s cat-like eyes. No doubt he’s already figured out that the smaller man is the most dangerous person in the entire Clinic. Jongup stays close, taking the lone chair beside me. I’m careful as I remove my jacket, trying not to agitate my ribs. To my shame Yoongi has to help me. I can’t quite get the damn thing off. It’s a prime opportunity to mock me but Yoongi doesn’t. I’m not sure whether he’s gotten bored of teasing me or if he’s decided to be professional. “You need to undo your shirt Youngjae-ah”

I huff but comply. I don’t bother looking down. I already know that there’s one hell of a bruise. I’m lucky I suppose. I had been caught on my right side. Had it been my left I would be in danger of bone shards poking things that they really shouldn’t poke. The right might be less dangerous but still, I should’ve let them check me over sooner.

Jongup makes a shocked noise, not quite a gasp but close enough.

“ _Fuck! That fucking hurts!”_ I wheeze, flinching away from Yoongi’s icy hands. The bastard poked me. “What did you do that for?”

“Shush” Yoongi commands, “Does it hurt here?”

“ _Oh my fu- YES!_ Yes it fucking hurts!” I yelp.

“Stop being a pussy. Stay still”

“How about I poke you, hmm? We’ll see how still you stay then” I can’t help but snarl. “You’re hurting me”

Yoongi frowns, “That’s not good. You’ll need an x-ray but I’m confident that you’ve fractured your ribs. You shouldn’t have waited. This could have ended up badly for you”

“Don’t lecture me.”

“Oi! Show my hyung some respect!” Jihoon snaps, he’s not pleased. “There’s no need to be a little bitch”

 

“Does it really hurt?” Jongup pipes up. He was staring at my chest with an odd mix of revulsion and fascination. I wonder if he think it’s poetic justice? I mean I shot his brother in the chest and now I had my ribs broken. Well, fractured. So yes, a little poetic justice. Or irony. Does this count?

“Don’t zone out Youngjae-ah” Yoongi says, “You’ll worry your pet Stray”

“I am _NOT HIS STRAY!”_ Jongup shouts, jumping to his feet. “Stop calling me that!”

Yoongi is taken aback. Even Jihoon is more nervous than amused.

“”Hey, shh, he doesn’t mean any harm” I say. From what Daehyun had said, Jongup would defend himself with whatever he could reach when he felt threatened. The last thing either of us needed was Jongup going postal in the Triage room. “Jongup” I say, measured and even, “Yoongi said Jimin would behave didn’t he?”

Jongup remains tense, glaring heatedly at Yoongi. He nods, once. Sharp and angry. “Well, I expect you to do the same”

Jongup refocuses on me, glaring just as heatedly. I’m not playing on his fears or using them against him, but I needed to make it clear he couldn’t act out. Not here, not when Chan was still in the room. I didn’t know how long the sedation would last. I couldn’t let Jongup hamper Chan’s recovery or let Jongup harm himself. I think I get the message across because he sags, falling back onto the chair with a thump!   

“Well that was quite the show” Jihoon comments with a dismissive shrug. He goes back to humming softly, once more swinging his legs in time with the music.         

 

“Am I staying here or do I need t-”

“Nah, you’re cool” Yoongi answers, cutting me off before I can finish my question. “We have a portable x-ray now. Jiminnie, can you get it for me? And Kookie?”

Jimin smiles, “Sure!” He bounces off, I think he’s pleased to leave the Triage Room. Jongup is certainly glad to see the back of him. “How’s Chan?” Minghao asks.

Minghao had been lurking near the entrance of the Triage Room, he’d been keeping watch. Well, it felt like he was waiting for someone more than keeping an eye out for Jihoon. With Jimin’s departure, Minghao had left his post and settled beside his hyungs.

Yoongi frowns again, “Jin-hyung isn’t happy. Chan’s not responding well to the antibiotics.”

“I’m not surprised. He’s underweight and severely dehydrated” I add. “You’ll have to flood his system with antibiotics for them to be effective right?” I didn’t know anything about medicine or the right course of treatment needed to save Chan but I would’ve thought Seokjin would try to clear any infection first.

“We think he’s allergic to the penicillin”

“Who’s Chan?” Jongup asks curiously.

 

“Um…” Yoongi answers helpfully.

Like me, he didn’t know how to broach the topic. Chan had been found in the same house where we’d found the pictures of Jongup. The pictures had been taken in the very same basement. The discovery of the pictures left us with two problems; the first was that Jongup had been in that house, more than once. The second was he might know Chan.

If Jongup knew Chan then he would undoubtedly blame himself for not helping the younger boy. He’d blame himself for not saying something, _doing something_ , that might have spared Chan. Jongup would also begin comparing himself to Chan. He’d rationalise his experiences and feelings as _lesser._ He would believe that he didn’t deserve kindness, didn’t have a right to it, a right to feeling the way he did because Chan had suffered more than Jongup. It wasn’t true. Jongup would think anything he felt was wrong, was stupid because he could’ve ended up like Chan. Could’ve been reduced to the _thing_ in the crate.

It was bullshit.

But I understood. I knew Jongup would compare himself to Chan and come of worse because that’s exactly what I did. I had compared myself to Daehyun. I still did. I had believed I had no right to complain, to hurt and cry and to be fucking _angry_ , all because I hadn’t been hurt like Daehyun. In some ways I still believed that being raped and whored out was still less than the physical abuse that Dae had suffered.                 

I understood what Jongup would do when he saw Chan because at one point _I had been where Jongup was…_


	15. In which Jongup finally believes he's safe.

There’s something they’re not telling me. 

I can see the shared look, the concerned and thoughtful expression. I’m not fucking stupid. Whoever this Chan is, they’re worried I’ll lose it. Like I did when I thought Minty wanted Junhong. Well, Minty and the Mini-Minty are sharing worried glances. Youngjae is staring hard at the pale blue curtains surrounding one of the beds. The intensity of his stare is different. He’s doesn’t look so worried, instead he looks sad. Like he’s remembering something unpleasant. 

It scares me a little. 

“Hyung?” I try, quiet and tentative. I want to ask him what he’s thinking about, why he won’t answer me. I want to know what they’re hiding from me. I don’t expect Youngjae to answer me. “Yes?” he says. He sounds tired, worn out. It strikes me. The difference between him now and the cruelty that he’d treated me with when I’d gotten in his way. When I tried to stop him from getting to Junhong. Youngjae doesn’t sound tired. He sounds  _ exhausted _ . 

“Who hurt you?” I ask instead, it’s a safer question. One that doesn’t worry Minty and Mini-Minty. That being said Mini-Minty is far to interested in Youngjae’s answer. I don’t like him. 

“A Nobody.” Youngjae says. “A low-life twat”

“Did you kill him?” I blurt unthinkingly, Youngjae glances at me, nodding. I can’t help but blush. It was a stupid question. Of course Youngjae killed the man who hurt him. I can’t imagine him doing anything else. It’s a little jarring. Realising that the man who accidentally shot my brother, who had been so shaken by it, would go and kill someone without breaking a sweat. Mini-Minty beams “Youngjae did a good job” he states, “He helped save my hyung” Mini-Minty’s ‘hyung’ doesn’t look that good. The man is… a mess. His face is bruised and swollen. I’m curious. I thought Mini-Minty was supposed to be the Top Dog in the area. At least Taehyung had told me that Minty’s brother was super important. 

It was Mini-Minty that said I couldn’t go home.  

I still don’t know who Chan is.

I’m tempted to look, to peek round the curtains. It would be a stupid thing to do. For two reasons; one - Minty would grab me before I could and two - I’d get into trouble. More than what I’m in already. I’d already been scolded by Youngjae. I didn’t need him deciding I wasn’t worth protecting. All the time that I behaved, he would protect me.

Youngjae had made Minty promise that Mochi would behave. That he wouldn’t come near me. I don’t know what to make of this, if I’m honest. It’s clear that I had mislabelled the members of this gang. Minty is the second not Hobi. I had the Leader right. I didn’t know where to place Hobi, Mochi or Taehyung though. I’d only met Seokjin briefly and I had no idea who Kookie was.  I’m still wary though, still on my guard. I think I’m safe enough from Daehyun. He had been genuinely upset over my words and actions. He’d also been furious with Minghao. He hadn’t said anything, I could just tell from his expression that he’d been angry. Youngjae had surprised me. He had let me hug him. Had let me hold his hand. The only person who’d held me, who’d comforted me like that was my eomma. I hadn’t been rejected by Daehyun or Youngjae. They’d held me, had touched me but there hadn’t been any spite or hidden meaning behind their touches. Daehyun could’ve easily overpowered me and taken me. Youngjae could’ve done the same. He didn’t have to stop Minghao. He didn’t have to tell Taehyung  _ no _ but he did. He did and now I was here. Watching as Mochi and someone I didn’t recognise position an odd-looking machine over Youngjae’s chest. The other man looks a little like a bunny. He has a nice smile and clear, honest eyes. I think this is Kookie. Minty confirms it when he asks Kookie to change the angle of the machine. 

“You have to move Jongup.” Youngjae says, grimacing as he moves. Yoongi helps him twist round, so the machine can get a clear shot. “You don’t have to go far” he assures me. I’m glad. I don’t want to be near Mochi, Minty or Mini-Minty.  It’s fascinating watching as the images come through. There’s a distinct black crack across two of Youngjae’s ribs. It looks bad. Not that I have anything to compare it too but I can see from Minty’s expression that it’s not good. “Damn. Definitely broken. Well done Pabo-ah. You’re officially on Leave” Yoongi says with a sigh. 

“Bitch say what?”

“He. Said. You. Can’t. Work.” Mini-Minty says slowly and loudly, acting as though my hyung is stupid. He’s obnoxious and I don’t like his attitude. “And you know this Bitch is so telling Himchannie”

“I don’t like you” Youngjae pouts. I can’t help but laugh. He looks adorable, like an angry puppy. I’m trying to muffle my giggles but Youngjae notices. He gives me a small smile and then tells me to “Hush.”

“Who’s Himchan?” This Himchan must be pretty important. His name sounds familiar to me. I just can’t remember where I’d heard it before.

“My Boss” Oh. The Boss. Right. I didn’t really see Youngjae as working for someone. If I’m really honest I thought Daehyun was working for Youngjae. But it makes sense. I just wonder what the Boss will do with us? Maybe Himchan is more powerful than Bangtan. It could be why Minty and Leader are so sure I’m safe here. They can’t have me before the Boss has. My heart sinks. Youngjae wouldn’t protect me from his Boss. 

“Really? I thought he was your eomma? Or is it Appa?” Minty says, high-fiving Mini-Minty who snickers. 

“I don’t like you either. All the Mins are evil. Except Minki. He’s a sweetheart”

“Minki is off limits” Mini-Minty snarls viciously. It makes Youngjae smile widely. “Uh-huh? And why’s that?” 

“Can you like, not?” the man on the bed says sleepily, “‘Ki is too good for you” 

“Whatever you say” Youngjae says flippantly. I’m almost certain that he’s just responding to the Mintys sarcasm by using the one thing that they’re protective off. That Thing being their brother; Minki. 

 

“Anyway, you can take regular painkillers” Minty explains, slipping back into a more professional mindset. Youngjae nods along, “I know. I know. No heavy lifting, intense exercise or death-defying stunts” 

“Don’t you sass me.”

“Or what?” 

“Or I’ll insist that Himchan extend your Leave.” Minty threatens. 

“I’m his Second, Yoongi. I don’t get Leave”

You do now” Mini-Minty sing-songs, “because I said so”

“And you have another job to do anyway” Minty adds. “You need to find these str-uh, kids? A home.”

Ah. There it is. The whole ‘Jongup you can’t go home’ shit again. “Why? Why can’t we go home? Why do we need another one?” 

Youngjae sighs, “I know you don’t want to hear it but it’s true. We think you’re in danger”

“Why? We didn’t get paid yet and Junhong didn’t see the guys face so our buyer won’t be coming after us” 

“Oh my goodness.” Mini-Minty exclaims, “this kid!” 

“It doesn’t matter Jongup, you still saw your Buyer’s face didn’t you?” Youngjae asks. It’s true. I saw the guy’s face. But we hadn’t taken the money so there was no losses, right?

“You could identify him.” Youngjae concludes. 

“And?” 

“And that makes you a target, Sweetie” Mini-Minty says, “A risk. A loose-end.” 

“Me? A target? No-one would believe me and even if I did tell I couldn’t give you anything. He didn’t give me a name and you don’t exactly have pictures for me to look at, do you?”   

“Well, no.” Youngjae confesses “But that’s not the point. The point is someone thinks you know too much and will kill to keep you quiet.”  

 

I feel faint, Youngjae’s words are buzzing, ringing in my ears. I can’t believe it. It doesn’t make sense. Who would listen to me? I don’t know anything, I couldn’t identify the guy who ordered the theft. Neither could Junhong. I’d kept him in the dark about most of our dealings for a reason! It wasn’t fair. 

“Are you ok?” Youngjae asks. 

“I...think...no. No, I’m not ok” I answer hollowly. 

“And then there’s the photos” Mini-Minty says, “We still have to deal with them.”

“Jihoon!” Youngjae sounds appalled, “I haven’t told him yet” 

“Well maybe you should have” 

“Jesus christ, Jihoon! I haven’t had the chance!” 

I knew they were hiding something from me. The photos must be bad if Mini-Minty and Youngjae think it’s linked to me being in danger. I don’t recall having taken any photos so… oh. Oh no. Surely they don’t me- but, I’d… 

“What photos?” I can barely hear myself speak. All I’m thinking is please, please don’t let it be  _ that _ , please don’t let it be  _ those photos _

“Um…” Youngjae beings, he’s thinking, trying to phrase whatever he’s going to say in the least distressing way. “When we rescued Wonwoo, we found… we found something else.”

“Chan?” 

“Yes, Chan. There was something else though. The photos” 

“Hyung, ju-just tell me. I can take it” 

“Photos of kids...” Youngjae trails off, watching me carefully for a response. I don’t know how to react. I feel numb. Empty. If I’m right then… “Of you”

“Don’t tell Junhong” I whisper, “please, he doesn’t need to know”

“Jongup… I, I don’t know what to do. What to say.” Youngjae admitted, “I don’t know how to help you.” 

“I don’t need it!” I cried, “I don’t need help, I just need you to promise not to tell!” 

“We can’t do that Jongup” Minty says, “We should report the photos, if not to the police then to the other gangs.”

“No!” angry tears are beading along my lashes. I can’t believe they won’t listen, that they won’t promise. I don’t understand why they’re so horrified by the pictures, why they’re disgusted. Wasn’t I good enough? Didn’t I look good? Maybe I’m too old for them? 

“Stop it” Youngjae spits, his eyes are bright, too bright. His eyes are watery, tearing up. I didn’t think that he’d cry for me. “Don’t you dare ask that. You are a child. A child who has been abused. You don’t have to wonder if you’re unattractive or not good enough for us because You. Are. A. Child. We will never.  **NEVER,** rape or abuse you.”  

“But… I… I don’t know how else to repa-”

“Enough!” Youngjae roars, making me flinch. I can’t bear to see him so angry, to see him so dismayed. I squeeze my eyes shut and cover my face. I think he’s going to hit me, to beat me for daring to speak out of turn. 

I don’t expect him to pull my hands away, to look me straight in the eyes. I sure as hell don’t expect him to speak with such surety and passion. 

“I’ll do whatever it takes, anything,  _ everything _ in my power to protect you and your brother. I swear to you, I’ll keep you safe Jongup.  _ I swear I will. _ ” 

 

I believe him. 


	16. In which Jihoon is a hateful bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jihoonie stans FORGIVE me!  
> He's an utter twat in this chapter  
> Please remember that I personally stan him so...  
> Sorry!  
> Love, Isa

“You looked younger in the photos. I’m guessing you were around fourteen?” Mini-Minty says, “Am I right?”

“Just give him a damn minute Jihoon!” Youngjae demands. Yoongi made him sit back against the pillows of the bed. I almost miss the contact. Youngjae is warm, warm and safe. And I’m just so _cold_. Youngjae notices me shivering and passes me his jacket. It’s too long on my arms and far too big. Mini-Minty presses for answers. Answers I don’t want to give. You’d think for a supposedly clever and downright scary man, he would’ve taken my silence for what it was.          

The truth was simple. I couldn’t remember how old I was when it started. My Eomma died when I was seven. After that I kinda forgot my birthday. At the orphanage you were lucky to get fed so celebrating a birthday was out of the question. Then there were times when we were dressed up, allowed to wash and bathe. We’d even get fed. They always led to something bad. I didn’t know what to call the man who came to inspect us but I did know what happened to the ones that he chose. The chosen kids were taken to a house in the heart of the red-light district. Once there we’d be given alcohol or something stronger.  I had already been selected as one of the ‘pretty’ ones by the time Junhongie arrived. I’d managed to protect him as best I could. I’d coped with what was happening to me by pretending I was back, snuggled up with Junhong in our room. Every time I was taken to that house, I’d remind myself that Junhong was safe.

But then he’d been chosen. I remember the icy panic and dread that I had felt. I’d also been incredibly lucky to be picked too. It was my chance. I’d acted before we could be collected, before it was too late. We’d gotten away. Well, Junhong had gotten away, had been able to escape. Me? Not so much… I had resorted to going back when we had run out of money, when I had been unable to afford shelter. When I had been desperate to keep Hongie warm and fed. He didn’t know what I did. I told him I was running ‘errands’. Acting as drug mule for a small gang. I mean, I did do that but it didn’t pay well.  

Those photos Youngjae found could have been taken years ago. Or not.

I just didn’t know.

I could either agree with Mini-Minty and get him to shut the hell up or I could be truthful. I could tell them I had no idea because there had been too many times to count. “You have to promise not to tell Junhong.” I bargain. “Promise or I won’t talk”

“I don’t want you too” Youngjae says, surprising me, “I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you’re obliged to answer” he amends. I don’t know if it’s the way he says it or the way he’s looking at me but I get the feeling that Youngjae might actually understand what’s going on in my head better than I do. It’s like he understands. He knows, I realise. Out of all the people here; Minty, Mini-Minty, Leader and Taehyung… Youngjae gets it. He knows. He knows and he understands. _He knows._ The thought reverberates around my head. Spinning and overshadowing any other thought. Youngjae knows. He understands. He knows. He understands and knows because he was abused too.

_Youngjae is just like me!_

“You know” I state, I’m proud of myself for keeping my voice even despite the sudden chill and the shivering. I’m proud for maintaining eye-contact. For not looking away when he realises that _I know why he knows_

“Yes” he breathes, quiet but sure. “I do” he’s not shivering but I can see that he’s uncomfortable, that he doesn’t want me to see _him._ I get it. I get it because I don’t want anyone, especially Junhong to see beyond the mask I wear. Neither of us want to let anyone in. Youngjae knows and that’s why he doesn’t want Mini-Minty to force me to answer. Because he would hate to be backed into a verbal corner and made to confess.

“So? Are you going to answer me?” Mini-Minty huffs impatiently, He hops down from Wonwoo’s bed and strides over, there’s something about his aura. It makes him seem bigger, larger and taller than what he is. He dominates and I hate it. Youngjae stops him before he gets too close. “Back off Jihoon. Jongup’s not being rude, he’s worried and scared you’ll tell his brother” I don’t think Jihoon is going to listen. The glare he levels at Youngjae is one of the scariest I’ve ever seen. It makes him all the more terrifying despite his petiteness.

It’s Wonwoo that reels Jihoon in, “Aish, leave the kid alone Hoonie” He says. Yoongi is quick to agree with Wonwoo “This isn’t helping”

“I’m not trying to help” Mini-Minty snaps. “I’m trying to stop this from happening to other kids” he declares.

“Then why does it matter how old I am in the photos?” I ask, voice small. I don’t want to make him mad by refusing to answer but I don’t see why it matters. It’s like asking Youngjae to tell us who raped him. It wouldn’t matter because Youngjae isn’t a child anymore and it won’t change anything for him, won’t change anything for me. “Because it’s fucking wrong” Kookie says. I’d forgotten he was still in the room. I think he’d been checking on ‘Chan’ “Whoever’s hurting these kids has to stop! They have to face justice!”

His passion makes me want to cry and laugh all at once. He’s not that much older than me yet he still believes in justice. He still believes that raping kids is wrong, that it can be stopped. “You’re an idiot” Kookie colours, blushing furiously. I notice Mochi puffing his chest out, offended on behalf of his friend “ _Excuse me?_ ” Mochi squeaks. Youngjae regards him with a cool sort of indifference. I figured he’s got my back so there’s no need to be afraid of Mochi. “I said your friend is an idiot” I repeat, “It’s cute he thinks you can do anything about it”

“It’s cute that you think I can’t” Mini-Minty snaps.

I don’t like the frostiness of his tone or the iciness of his expression.

“He’s right.” Youngjae says, “We don’t know whose behind this. Or whether it’s organised.”

“I thought the pictures would be proof enough” Minghao comments. “It...er...um, shows going for a long time? Is that right?”

“Close enough” Wonwoo praises.

“Minghao makes an excellent point. The pictures of Jongup are old ones but the ones of Chan are new.”

“Yeah, but how is interrogating Jongup going to help you?”

“Surely you’re not that fucking stupid Youngjae. Any details he can gives us might help narrow the search.”

 

“Who is Chan?” I demand, “You keep saying his name but it doesn’t mean anything to me. If you want me to help at least answer my damn question!” Mini-Minty looks offended. I think he expected me to roll over like a timid dog and show him my tummy. Well, he can take that and go fuck himself. I refuse to help if he keeps treating my like an unruly puppy. He can’t intimidate me into sharing. And I have Youngjae watching my back. “You wanna know who Chan is, hmm? Ok. Fine. I’ll show you” Before anyone can react Mini-Minty drags me to my feet and leads me over to the curtained bed. Youngjae yelps, and reaches out, snatching my hand. “Stop.” He tries, he doesn’t pull me, too afraid of hurting us both, “Jihoon! _NO!”_

Mini-Minty stops before the curtains, “You wanna know who Chan is huh? You wanna know why answering me is damn important? Because of this!”

And then he draws the curtains back.

 

****IAmALineBreak****

 

I expected Jongup to be shocked, to be repulsed and horrified. I expected him to cry, even scream.

I did not expect his legs to give way, for him to crumple. Catching him leaves me winded and crying out as I adjusted to his sudden dead weight. We both end up on the floor with Jongup sprawled out in-between my legs, his back to my chest. He’s shaking underneath my jacket, breaths coming hard and fast, panting. Jihoon watches aghast. He had to have known! He had to have realised that Jongup would panic, would have been unable to comprehend what he was seeing. It was hard for me. It must be hell for Jongup.

Jongup is covering his eyes, keening. He’s not crying as such, it’s more like he’s making this horrible, heart-wrenching noise. “Shh, shh it’s ok. It’s ok Jongup, shh. It’s ok. Hyung’s here, Hyung’s got you, it’s ok” I’m doing my best to comfort him but all I can do it repeat the words over and over again, rocking him as I do. I can see Jimin hovering nearby but he comes no closer. I don’t want to let Jongup go, he needs something to hold onto, _someone_ to hold onto. I’d fucking bite Jimin if he tries to sedate Jongup again.  

I’m going to fucking _savage_ Jihoon.

 

“He was going to see anyway” Jihoon says, defending himself, “I know you think I’m wron-”

“I think you’re a fucking _hateful_ bitch!”

“As I was saying, I know you think I’m wrong but I need the information. You know I do.”

“Jihoonie, no” Wonwoo says, he’s not happy with Jihoon’s actions, disappointed even. Still, he’s nowhere near as angry as I am.

“Jongup would’ve spoken to you when he was ready to damnit!”

“And when would that be? Tomorrow? Next week? Ten fucking years from now?” Jihoon spits, “I need to know now! We have a chance to break this Ring now!”

“And how’s that working for you?” I reply just as viciously, “Take a good fucking look Jihoon. Look what you did”

“I only proved a point”

“At the expense of my kid! Look! Look at him and tell me how can he help you now Jihoon?”

Jihoon actually looks genuinely upset, like he’s realised how badly he’s just fucked up. I know I said I didn’t like him and that I feared him but right now he just seems so human. So uncertain. I honestly believe he hadn’t meant to cause Jongup any distress. Hadn’t meant to cause this.

But he had.

Jihoon was wrong.

He’d acted out of frustration, not the cool clear thinking he was known for.

He’s just ruined any chance he had of getting valuable information from Jongup. Chan won’t be able to help. The boy is heavily sedated, in fact I think Seokjin has him in an induced coma. Even if Chan was conscious he couldn’t help. The ‘please’ he’d spoken was half formed, said in desperation as he thought Wonwoo was leaving him. I seriously doubted that Chan _could_ speak. And Junhong didn’t have a fucking clue what his hyung had been through.

Jongup goes quiet. He doesn’t react, doesn’t acknowledge Jihoon or Yoongi. Doesn’t notice when Jimin kneels next to him. “Jongup?” he calls, trying to get his attention. Jongup ignores them. He’s in shock. Blank. I almost go to check his pulse to see if he’s still alive, he’s that still. Jimin holds him up as I climb to my feet. I can’t stay sitting on the floor and now that Jongup isn’t crying, I can move. Once I’m upright, Jimin helps me get Jongup to his feet. He looks at me, eyes dark, _haunted_. “I know him” he croaks, “Chan. I know him.”

This is exactly what I feared.

I feared he’d know Chan, that he would recognise the boy.

I feared it would break Jongup      

“I knew him as Dino” he continues. I want to look away but I can’t, I can’t look away from the haunted, hollowness in Jongup’s eyes, from the terrible emptiness. I wish I could but I can’t turn away. “S’all I know… I’m sorry but…”

“It’s ok, really, it’s ok” In the corridor Jongup had clung to me, had come to me for safety and comfort. Now, I was reaching out to him, enveloping him in the tightest embrace I could manage. Jongup closes his eyes, leaning into the hug. “Don’t hate me” he whimpers, “don’t hate me”

I get it. I understand why he’s pleading with me, begging me not to hate him.

“I could never hate you”       

"Promise?"

"I promise"        

 

  


	17. In which we have an interlude with Daehyun

 

Youngjae thinks that he’s got me fooled, that I’m blind to his pain. To his fears.

I’m not blind.

He forgets that I’m his hyung before anything or _anyone_ else.

It’s why and how we ended up in Matoki. Youngjae thinks that Himchan-hyung picked him up for his skills, asked him to join for his value. There’s no doubt that Youngjae is far superior to me. But it’s not why he was scouted. Like I said, I’m his hyung before I’m anything else and I knew I had only one option after I’d found Youngjae sitting in our apartment, covered in blood, with a dead body lying on our carpet. He’d freaked out when I saw him, had fled before I could do anything to help him. Before I could make sure he was _ok._

I’d run errands for Himchan-hyung before and out of the gangs, he was more accessible to me than say Got7. Even though I’d worked for Himchan-hyung, I was a lowly grunt, a nobody. I didn’t have a hope in hell of getting to him. Thankfully Eunkwang and Minhyuk-hyungs - Himchan’s guards at the time, were good to me and helped me. Himchan-hyung was not impressed. He had his own Yongguk shaped problems and didn’t see why he should bother chasing after a _lost cause._ I punched him in his smug face. Youngjae was my brother. Nobody, especially Himchan got to speak about my brother like that. Himchan-hyung was quick to see agree after that.

That’s how Youngjae joined Matoki.  

And because I am his hyung, I followed.

Not long after we joined Matoki, Himchan assigned us to Yongguk. As it turned out, sending Youngjae into Monstas was a terribly misguided idea. He wasn’t that good at keeping his thoughts as thoughts… he’s always been too quick to speak his mind. Hyungwoo was apologetic but firm when he fired Youngjae. I’d never laughed so hard. Youngjae was offended. He was puffed up like and angry cat, absolutely raging about how unfair it was, _“I’m only doing my job hyung! My job!”_ he’d said. Honestly, he really didn’t understand why telling small children that they’d soon learn to cry on the inside was wrong, “ _it’s a fact of life hyung! Adults don’t get to cry because someone got more chocolate chips than they did”_

Youngjae made me laugh.

He also drove me mad. He really was like a cat. Whenever he was hurt or ill he would try to hide it from me. Like a cat. We’d been on a side quest of sorts for Himchan-hyung when we’d come across some unwanted Vermin. And I’m not talking about rats. Said Vermin were trying to establish their own little territory and had the bright idea to just snip a piece of of ours off. Like we wouldn’t notice. They really shouldn’t have tried to shoot us when we’d _politely_ asked them to leave. We’d even been nice about it and generously added the bonus of them keeping their lives if they accepted our deal. But they shot first. Which wasn’t very nice. It was not until Youngjae passed out that I realised he’d been shot. I was furious. With him. With myself. With Himchan for sending us in the first place. It’s why Himchan insists we wear white shirts now. You can’t hide blood when you’re wearing white. Youngjae especially was banned from wearing red. And black. Because he’d frightened the hell out of us both when he’d face-planted, Himchan-hyung’s nice rug has not been the same since. Youngjae had been shot in the stomach. It wasn’t immediately fatal but it had bled a lot. It honestly makes me so mad to remember. How the hell didn’t I notice? Urgh! Himchan-hyung took it upon himself to take Youngjae to Seokjin’s Clinic. He claims it was because I couldn’t lift or carry Youngjae by myself, it’s utter rubbish. He took Youngjae because he loves us. Like any good Eomma.  

Seokjin’s Clinic is odd. It belongs to Bangtan but it’s technically in Pledis territory. It kind of makes sense because of the family connection. Still, it’s an odd detail that not many know. Come to think about it, I’m not sure Youngjae knows its in Pledis territory… I’ll have to ask him, later. The point is, the Clinic was the only option we had, seeing as Youngjae had several priors and a warrant or two out for him. Himchan-hyung made those go away though, so I suppose we could’ve taken him to a hospital but the Clinic was better. Bangtan also didn’t ask awkward questions. Which was a plus. Whilst I liked BTS, Youngjae hated them with a passion, especially the Mins. Min Yoongi was the only man I knew that could actually make Youngjae listen to reason when it came to his health. Normally the Clinic only saw the sorts of injuries that you’d expect someone like me to get. Gunshots, broken bones, sprains, stab wounds, etc. Simple coughs and colds were not something Bangtan dealt with. Unless the person was Yoo Youngjae. He’d caught a cold. Or so he thought. He kept saying, “ _hyung, I’m fine, it’s a cold”_ but it wasn’t. The idiot had a chest infection. Which got worse. Because he wouldn’t listen to me, Yongguk or Himchan. The end result was a very sick Youngjae and a trip to the clinic.

And then there was the time where he’d ‘accidentally’ been stabbed. Seriously. I had enough of him hiding when he was hurting or, injured or, ill or, whatever he thought he was doing when he was ‘trying to protect me’. I wish he trusted me enough to tell me why he thought I wouldn’t want to help or care but I’m wise enough to realise that’ll never happen. Youngjae could keep his secrets as long as he stopped pretending to be fine when he wasn’t.

We were doing so well with the ‘not-hiding-when-YJ-is-hurt-from-hyung’ thing before he’d shot Junhong.

It feels like Youngjae has taken a huge step backwards. I knew he was upset, devastated and horrified but he didn’t need to punish himself. He didn’t need too because the aftermath was punishment enough. Hiding the fact that he’d broken his ribs and that he’d also been affected by what he’d seen in that house was just another way to punish himself. Youngjae was crafty though, especially when he didn’t want to talk. Giving me the photos was a brilliant move on his part. Under the obvious avoidance, it was actually his way of asking me for help. I mean, he had to share the information with me. I needed to know about the photos but he didn’t need to show them to me. The ones of Jongup hit the hardest. He looks so young in the photos, so young but so old. It’s his eyes. Haunted and resigned but so alive and furious. The photos reminded me of the times when Youngjae would come home in the small hours of the night, not wanting to talk but wanting to be held, wanting to be comforted. Drawing parallels between Youngjae and Jongup made me realise just what Youngjae had done. What he had been forced to do. I just prayed that I could help Jongup in any way I could, to be the good hyung that Youngjae would never let me be. The damage was apparent. In both my Youngjae and Jongup. Youngjae was cold and could be cruel. Jongup was warm, loved too hard and felt too much. He loved Junhong more than he loved himself, loved him so fiercely that he’d offered his body to pay for a debt that wasn’t his. Jongup thought everyone was waiting for a chance, for him to fall, to let his guard down before they struck. Youngjae thought the same I suppose, he just took action. Striking first and striking hard. Making the last and final move, ending the threat before it could even become a threat

 

Junhong reminded me of Yongguk. The younger teen was sweet, bright and trusting. There was an edge to him though. A little hardness underneath the sweetness. This boy was not as innocent as Jongup believed. He knew a little too much I realise. He didn’t know what Jongup had been through, would go through for him exactly. I get the feeling that Junhong had guessed, had suspected what Jongup thought he’d hidden, though. He knew something, _everything_ and nothing all at once. The glare he greeted me with was one that he’d clearly learned from Jongup. “Who are you?” he’d asked with more venom than curiosity. I’d only seen him briefly, when we’d taken Jongup to Taehyung’s ‘Tae-time’ office. I doubt Junhong remembers me. He was trying to see passed both me and Taehyung, looking for Jongup.

“I’m Daehyun” I told him, explaining that I was one of the men who’d brought him here. That I had been keeping an eye on his hyung.

Junhong wasn’t impressed, he’d been unsurprisingly angry. Seething, even. He wanted his hyung and he wanted him back _now._ Taehyung had a better rapport with Junhong than I did, he clearly trusted Taehyung more than me. I left it to Taehyung to tell him where Jongup was.

“Why?”

The question didn’t throw me. I would have expected him to demand, more than ask why Jongup had refused to come back. Taehyung couldn’t answer him. He didn’t understand Jongup. In truth, neither did I. But I did understand Youngjae.

“Jongup needed space. He was worried that he would hurt you”  Youngjae, in a rare moment of honesty and vulnerability, had told me that he felt too much. Sometimes, the feelings were too dark, too strong for him to ignore and when that happened he needed to get as far away from me as possible. The closer you are to someone, he had said, the more you trust them, _“and you know I trust you hyung”,_ the more that you want to hurt that person. The more you cared and loved someone, the more their happiness _hurt._

It broke my heart.

It broke my heart to know that Youngjae was afraid, was terrified of _feeling_ because it _hurt._

I didn’t know how to help, what I could do for him. Seeing the same thing happening to Jongup was just as painful. This time… this time,  I could help. I could help Junhong understand that Jongup still loved him, would always love him. It didn’t make sense to Junhong at first. Perhaps it will never make sense I had answered, it wouldn’t make sense because he knew his hyung would never hurt him, just like I knew Youngjae would rather die than harm me. There was something wrong with our brothers, something in their heads would never stop taunting and tormenting them.

“All you can do is just be you, Junhong.” I tell him, “You don’t realise it but just being there is enough. You will always be enough.”


	18. In which there is an interlude with Junhong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me!  
> I have been a busy bee, what with uni and life and stuff...  
> Anyway, I have an interlude here for you all. The point of this chapter is to give you all a little backstory and to offer our Junhongie the limelight. It's also set back around Chapters 4-8 (I can't remember which) so it turns out to be chapter 10... I TRIED OK  
> Also Taehyung is adorable and I love him muchly.  
> Love Isa.

Junhong knew he was going to die the moment he felt the burning pain in his chest. It was as if all the air had punched out of his lungs and he had immediately felt the blood seeping across his shirt, followed by the metallic tang filling his mouth. Jongup had taken a moment to notice the condition he was in and by the time he did, Junhong was already coughing, choking, _drowning_ in the bloody fluid. It was terrifying. It was agony. It was utterly frustrating and just so _unfair._ It was unfair that he was going to die in this car. It was unfair that Jongup had no other choice but to watch Junhong wheeze and choke and bleed.

Junhong was furious that his poor hyung was forced to sit by and do _nothing._

 

In truth he had never expected to wake up.

But he did.

Junhong woke slowly, drifting in and out of consciousness as the anaesthetic wore off. It was in a state of sleepy confusion that he first met Kim Taehyung and Jeon Jungkook. He’d struggled to recall why Jongup had said to be suspicious and distrustful of strangers in the face of Taehyung’s bright, boxy smile. Jungkook was a little more serious, a little shyer that Taehyung. He’d only been there to keep his hyung company whilst they waited for Junhong to wake up. Jungkook spent the next few minutes checking over Junhong before leaving to tell his other hyungs that the teen was awake. At the same time as Jungkook checked Junhong over, Taehyung informed him that he was at Seokjin’s Clinic and under the care of Bangtan. As the fuzziness faded and Junhong’s head cleared he’d quickly realised that something was missing. _Someone_ was missing. “Where’s hyung?” he croaked, frantically searching the room for Jongup. Taehyung’s boxy smile faltered for a split second, a slight frown flickered across his face. “Where is my hyung?” Junhong repeated. He was beginning to panic.

“He’s here” Taehyung replied, “Jongup was exhausted and my hyungs set up a futon for him” he explained with pride. “Yoongi-hyung thought it would be a good idea.” From the bed, Junhong couldn’t see his hyung and had doubted Taehyung.  “Prove it” he spat, demanding. As much as he liked Taehyung’s easy and calm manner, he wouldn’t trust him until he saw his hyung.  

Taehyung took no offense at Junhong’s attitude. It was understandable that he would want to see Jongup for himself. Would need to see his hyung before he could relax.  So Taehyung had helped him sit up. True to his word, Jongup was sleeping peacefully, stretched out on a futon. Seeing Jongup threw Junhong a little. In the time in between passing out in the car and waking up in this room, Jongup had changed his clothes. Instead of form fitting jeans and oversized hoodie, Jongup was wearing a pair of soft grey sweats and a white t-shirt. Instead of his boots, he was now wearing a pair of plain black plimsolls.  

The most shocking change in Jongup’s appearance was the bandages on his hands. The white bandages covered his palms and extended up the wrist of his left hand. He didn’t know what had happened to his hyung after he’d lost consciousness and it scared it to think that Jongup had gotten hurt whilst trying to help him. It would be worse if Jongup had deliberately hurt himself after Junhong had passed out. Taehyung explained that Jongup had accidentally cut himself on the glass from the broken windscreen. It was a little odd because Junhong couldn’t remember if the front windscreen had been broken or not. He was almost certain that it’d been intact. The explanation would have to do. For now.

As Jongup slept on, Taehyung asked Junhong a series of seemingly random and strangely specific questions. Questions about Jongup, questions about debts and payments. Questions that didn’t make sense to Junhong.

“Where do you two live?” Taehyung asked

“In an apartment”

“Alone, or…?”

“It’s just us. It’s only a one bedroom thing but that’s ok because it gets really cold and- why does it matter?”

“My hyungs are just worried about you and Jongup.”

“But _why?”_ Junhong pressed, frustrated with Taehyung’s answer. He understood that anyone would be concerned about a teenager who’d been shot yet Taehyung was being infuriatingly vague.

Taehyung sighed, “You’re underweight, especially for your height. And so is Jongup. Then there’s the fact that you stole a car.”

“It’s not the first”

“Oh.” Taehyung blinked owlishly, “It’s not?”

“I think it’s the fifth? Yeah. The fifth.”

“See, that’s why my hyungs are worried. You’re what twelve? And you’re stealing cars!”

“I am sixteen!”

“So basically twelve.” Taehyung laughed “Ah cute!” he cooed at Junhong’s angry pout

“You’re being mean!”

Junhong fell silent, watching Taehyung. The man looked thoughtful. He’d leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling whilst he mulled over his next question. Whatever he was about to ask would undoubtedly be hard to answer for Junhong. With Jongup asleep, Junhong was on his own, left to navigate alone. Although Taehyung had remained considerate in his questioning, it was still an interrogation. An interrogation about Jongup.

“Junhong, tell me, how long have you been with Jongup?”

“Jongup is my hyung” Junhong snapped, avoiding the question. The truth was Jongup was not his biological brother. And that meant that they could be separated. It didn’t matter that Jongup had done his best to raise Junhong, had done his best to feed, clothe and shelter him. It was a fear that Junhong had lived with since they ran away from the orphanage.

“If I tell you the truth, you have to promise not to send Jongup away, ok?”

“I swear we won’t send your hyung away.” Taehyung affirmed, “I told you this isn’t a hospital, you’re safe here. Both of you”

“Pinkie promise?” Junhong asked again, offering his pinkie up. It was something he did with Jongup. Junhong started insisting that his hyung pinkie promise after Jongup started keeping secrets from him. A pinkie promise meant that Jongup would always, _always_ come back to Junhong, even if he did go missing for a few days here and there. It was a promise that couldn’t be broken. Taehyung seemed to realise the importance of the gesture. “Pinkie promise” he said, completing the gesture.

“Ok. So...um, ok. I met hyung when I was eleven. My parents kinda died and yeah. That sucked, but like I don’t miss them. Because I have hyung. Anyway, after they died I sort of bounced around a bit. No-one wants to care for a sad kid, you know?”

“That must of been hard”

“Not really, see, the last place I got put was where I met Jonguppie-hyung. And he was hella cool. He made the other kids stop being mean, but…”

“But?”

“He got sad a lot. He still does sometimes. It’s not so bad now but before, it was really bad. He’d get so sad and really mad. I always knew when to be quiet and just, there. Uppie-hyung was so good and kind and nice.”

“Why did he get sad?”

“Something bad happened.”

“Like what?”

“Something _really bad._ At the orphanage, there would be times where we’d have to get dressed up, look all pretty and smart…” Junhong paused, shivering as he remembered the past. He didn’t know what was happening at first, he didn’t understand why he’d been given new clothes or why the pants had been so tight. Jongup had been straight-faced and tight-lipped. “Hyung told me to keep my head down and be quiet. I had to be small, he said. Be quiet and boring, unnoticeable. I got really scared”

“Did Jongup tell you what was happening?”

“No” Junhong whispered, he felt ashamed when he remembered how he’d remained still and quiet, how he’d done exactly as Jongup had told him and not reacted or protested when Jongup was dragged away by a bored-looking suited man. “I-uh, I wanted to stop the man, to tell him to leave hyung alone but I didn’t. I was… hyung said I had to do as he told me and I _did”_

“You’re hyung wouldn’t want you to be upset, Junhong.”

“But I didn’t do anything and sometimes, sometimes when hyung came back he wouldn’t speak to me. He’d ignore me and then act like nothing happened!”

“Hmm” Taehyung nodded, gazing at Jongup briefly, “I thought so”

“You thought what?”

“Why did you start stealing cars?” Taehyung asked suddenly, ignoring the question. It broke Junhong’s concentration, interrupting his thoughts.

“Umm, because.”

“That’s not an answer”

“Urgh, fine. Hyung was working and working and I couldn’t let him pay for everything you know? It’s not fair. Uppie-hyung works so hard and he gets so, so tired.”

“What did he do?”

Junhong frowned. What did his hyung actually do before they started stealing? At their age there wasn’t much Jongup could do. Legally at least. He knew Jongup had been running drugs for one of the smaller gangs but the money wasn’t great and even if it was, Jongup never received much of it anyway. Come to think about, Jongup didn’t earn enough to clothe, feed and shelter them both. “Hyung doesn’t tell me. He says what I don’t know can’t hurt me” Junhong gasped, “ _what did hyung do?”_

“I can’t tell you because I don’t know” Taehyung explained gently, realising that Junhong genuinely had no idea what Jongup had done.

“n-No, I mean, what did he do _now?”_ Junhong stressed, “You wouldn’t be asking about hyung if he didn’t d- _oh my god,_ is he ok?”

“Yes, he is. Or, I hope he’ll be ok.”

“You ‘ **_HOPE’_ ** so?”     

“Hope is the wrong word. I mean Jongup is going to be ok, it might take some time to get there but he will be ok. Especially because Daehyunnie and Youngjae-hyungs are going to help”

“Who?”

“Ah. I forgot you don’t know. They’re the ones who brought you guys here.” Taehyung informed Junhong, “You might not like them much or really trust them at first but you should”

“Why wouldn’t I trust them if they helped save my life?” Junhong asked. His eyes were narrowed and his nose crinkled cutely. Junhong’s expression made Taehyung want to squeeze his cheeks. “Well, it’s kind of their fault you’re here” he admitted.

“Wait, what?”             

“Youngjae shot you.”

“Youngjae...shot me?” Junhong repeated, “and you expect me to trust them! ARE YOU MAD?”

“A little, yeah” Taehyung smiled brightly, then sobered “Youngjae-hyung didn’t mean it, there’s a rule the surrounding gangs follow.”

“A rule?”

“Children, and yes, you are a child, are off limits.”

“Bullshit” Junhong snarled. “If that was true then the stuff at the orphanage wouldn’t happen right? We wouldn’t have been hired to steal that car and I wouldn’t be here!”

“It’s true. Himchan-sunbaenim, Youngjae-hyung’s boss, is one of the Leaders that follows that Rule. It’s why you were brought to us.”

“Then why were we hired? And why did Hyung get hurt and the orphanage? Why did I get hurt?”

“What happened to you?” Taehyung asked suddenly, hyper-focused. The intensity of Taehyung’s piercing gaze made Junhong squirm. It felt a little too penetrating, _analytical_ and _invasive._

“Nothing.” Junhong replied a beat too fast, defensive and harsh, “ _not like that_ ”

“Like what?”

“Like _that…_ like, uh, really _bad.”_

“Junhong, “really bad” could mean anything”

“You know what I mean” Junhong refused to elaborate. He knew Taehyung would think that he had been raped or sexually assaulted. He hadn’t been. Jongup had protected him from the Suited Man and had done his best to make sure Junhong had remained below the radar, had avoided the notice of the more questionable Carers. There more Taehyung probed and drew answers out of Junhong, the more Junhong realised what Jongup had done and been subjected to in an effort to keep him safe. Taehyung’s questioning also revealed something else to Junhong; Jongup had said or done something to Bangtan to worry and maybe offend them. Something involving the one thing Jongup knew adults would take whether he was willing or not. “Tell me he didn’t” Junhong whispered, tears beading along his lashes. The realisation of his beloved hyung’s closely guarded secret was too much. It didn’t just hurt, _it was agony._ It was torture to realise that Jongup had been abused, had been exploited in the worst way possible.  

“I’m sorry Junhong”


	19. In which Jongup gets some troubling news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so there is description of a panic attack in this chapter. It's more abstract than directly or clearly stated but I feel it's rather obvious.

I felt numb.

Lost and _empty._

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk yet. Sharing the past, all the hurt and pain, everything I can’t bear to remember… I’m not ready. If I open the box, I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to close it again. That all I’ll be left with is an empty box.

Dino needs me to talk. He needs me to speak for him because he can’t. Youngjae told me that he hadn’t spoken to them since his rescue and Wonwoo says that Dino never spoke when they were trapped in the basement. That he’d overheard his name from the sick fucks that ran the house. Mini-Minty thinks I should just spill. He was hoping I would after I told Youngjae I recognised Dino. I couldn’t though. The words are there, waiting but I can’t. They’re lodged in my throat and I can’t, _I can’t_

Youngjae understands.

“I won’t tell you it’s ok Jongup” he says to me, “because it isn’t. Nothing about this is ok. But, but this isn’t your fault. And it isn’t your responsibility to fix _anything”_

Mini-Minty tuts “We need him to talk.”

“And he will, just leave the kid alone” Wonwoo speaks with finality.

I feel a little bad for Mini-Minty. He might be mean, might have frightened the life out of me but all he was trying to do was show me _why_ I needed to conform. To do as I was told and _tell._ He didn’t get it. Didn’t understand that I was just so ashamed and fucking _disgusted with myself_ that I couldn’t physically form the words I so desperately wanted to say. I hate him more than I pity him, though. Mini-Minty might be King here but to me he was just another man who wanted to use me. To exploit me. Sure, finding out what I knew isn’t the same. I know he’s trying to help. And he is. _I know it_. It doesn’t feel like it though. He’s not asking, he’s taking. Forcing his way in through the cracks and wrenching me open. That’s why he pulled the stunt with Dino. He wanted to scare me, to shock and throw me.

“ _I can’t”_

 

Minty goes to say something, I think he’s on his brother’s side, just like Wonwoo but he’s hesitating, holding back from agreeing. Minty _cares_. He’s acting in the same way I would with Junhong. He’s taking the time to evaluate and judge without committing. It’s to protect Mini-Minty, I think. He realises that pushing me won’t help. That pushing me would piss Youngjae off and from what I can tell, Youngjae is important. Or at least, as important as Minty is. Minty is worried that something will give. He’s worried that Mini-Minty will keep pushing until I break.

Because I just can’t _bend_

I won’t let Mini-Minty get what he wants. Not because I don’t want to help. Because I do. All I want to do is protect my dongsaeng and if I have to tell to do so then I will. Because there’s no option. _I have to do this._

For Junhong.

For Dino  

_For myself_

But I won’t speak to Mini-Minty. He doesn’t understand, _could never understand_ . Their Taehyung wouldn’t understand either, I may have only spent a little time with him but I could already see that he is way too… _pure._ There’s something so innocent about Taehyung that makes me feel like I would be dirtying him if I told him. Daehyun, too. He’s a good man. Wonwoo is too close to Mini-Minty. And I refuse to speak to Minty. Minghao is an option but he might not be able to relay the information to Mini-Minty, or even worse, he might ask me to repeat myself. To explain something. If I’m going to tell, it will be once. I will not repeat myself.  

I’m left with telling Youngjae.

Youngjae understands. _He more than understands._ I can trust Youngjae to tell Mini-Minty all he needs to know without telling him too much. He won’t reveal anything to Mini-Minty that I don’t want him to. I’m frightened though, what if I say something wrong? What if I _tell_ and it’s too much for Youngjae? What if I make him feel as guilty and as _disgusting_ as I feel now? What if he decides I’m not worth his time? What if he’s been through worse and I _tell_ and he laughs? Or thinks I’m weak?

What if I don’t have anything useful?

What if I can’t help?

 

“ _Duìzhǎng_ !”       

The cry belonged to the strangest man I’d ever seen. The man, and he was definitely a man, was dressed in a short skirt and cropped tee. He obviously meant something to Mini-Minty because his face lit up. He even smiled. The man was talking too fast for me to follow. Even if I could, I didn’t understand what he was saying. Like Minghao, he’s speaking in Chinese. Whatever he says next doesn't make Mini-Minty happy at all, he pulls his phone out from his jeans pocket and taps at the screen. “Junnie says they’ve cracked the password” Mini-Minty announces to the room, though it feels more like he’s aiming the statement at Youngjae. Or me.

“And?” Youngjae says

“You won’t like it. Or what they found”

“Seriously?” Youngjae snorts. Then winces. He wraps his arm around his chest. I’d almost forgotten that he was injured. “Yu-you don’t say”

Mini-Minty huffs and gives him a blank stare. The man in the skirt launches into a new stream of Chinese, gesturing at Mini-Minty’s phone. There’s something familiar in what he’s saying, it’s oddly accented. Just like Minghao’s Korean bu- it’s a name.

I can’t hide my gasp. Or the shock on my face.

It took a moment, disguised under the accent, difficult to understand but I got it. It’s a name I know well. A name I love even…

_Junhong_

“What does you want with my brother?” I ask, alarmed. “He doesn’t know anything. I told you that already!”  

“Easy Jongup, it’s ok” Youngjae says, trying to soothe my rapidly building panic, “Jihoon knows that, he knows Junhong doesn’t know. You’re both safe here, remember?”

“I don’t want Junhong” Mini-Minty sniffs, offended. “ _But_ someone else does”

“Who? _TELL ME!_ ” I don’t recognise my own voice, the question is more of a shriek than a word. I also didn’t notice that I’d somehow thrown myself at Mini-Minty until Youngjae is scooping me up around my waist and physically dragging me back to the other side of the room. Minghao and Junnie are standing in front of Mini-Minty and Wonwoo with careful wariness. Minghao’s right hand is at his hip, resting on the handle of his gun. Mini-Minty’s expression is frosty. Cold and remote.  

I can feel the rise and fall of Youngjae’s chest against my back from where he’s pinning me, holding me still. I don’t like it. I can feel _everything_ in this position and, I. Don't. Like. It. “You need to calm down, _NOW!”_ he commands. “Jongup, calm down” he repeats as I struggle. He’s holding me too tight, too close, it’s too much, too overwhelming. “Let me go!”

“You have to calm down, please, Jongup.”

“ _Fuck you!”_

“Damn it, Jongup! Listen to me!” Youngjae growls, just as desperate to get me to calm down and stop fighting against his hold as I am to get away. I can’t tell if I’m afraid, panicking because he’s got me pinned or if I just want to get free so I can tear Mini-Minty’s face off for daring to say my brother’s name. “ _Please, trust me_ ” Youngjae says, near-whispering. The words carry something _more_ , there’s a deeper meaning. He’s not just asking me to trust him right now, to relax and let him take charge of the situation. He’s asking for something else. Youngjae is asking me to trust him to keep me and Junhong safe. He’s asking me to trust him to keep us safe from the people Mini-Minty is talking about. It would be easy to escape I realise. To break Youngjae’s hold all I need to do is drive my elbows back into his chest. It would be easy.

But I don’t.

“I trust you hyung” I whisper back, relaxing into his hold. I still don’t like that I can feel to much of Youngjae and I can’t help the _need_ to put distance between us, but I know he wouldn’t ever touch me, wouldn’t even hold me like this if he thought for one second I would panic. “Please…I just...let go” Youngjae flinces. I don’t think he realised how close he was to me or just what I could feel against my back. I know he didn’t mean it and from how fast he separates us, he obviously understood why I was distressed. I still need contact, I’m shaking and the whole room seems to be narrowing, closing in on me. I need Youngjae to ground me. To tell me I’m ok and everything’s going to be ok. I need to hear him say Junhong is ok and that we’re both safe. I need _something…_

The touch is tentative at first, he’s careful in how he takes my hand, remaining slow and giving me time to pull away, time to _get away_ if I need too. “Jongup?” Youngjae says, soft and calm. Non-threatening. “Jongup, look at me” It’s not quite an order, more of a suggestion really but it’s enough to refocus my attention away from the shrinking walls. “You need to breathe ok? Slowly” he instructs. I can hear Mini-Minty buzzing in the background and I think I can see Mochi hovering about but I’m not sure. I don’t get to check as Youngjae cups my cheek and directs me back to face him, “Focus on me” I don’t understand why he’s telling me to breathe because I am. I hadn’t stopped. And slowly? Why slowly? My chest is tight and the more I breathe the less it will hurt right? Youngjae’s hands burn against my skin. I don’t understand why everything is suddenly so loud, or bright and I’m just so cold. “Listen, breath in through your nose and then out through your mouth.”Youngjae tells me, “Can you do that for me?”       

It’s hard.

 _Too hard_.

I can’t breathe

I can’t breathe   

I can’t breathe   

I can’t breathe   

_I can’t breathe_


	20. In which feelings are felt.

I have an odd relationship with anxiety, in the way that I have no clue how to handle it. All I can do is try to remember what Daehyun says and does for me when I’m panicking. I know he tries to get me to stop, to listen and follow along as he breathes in and out, slow and calm. I figure I can take that and apply it to Jongup. The problem is that he’s not focusing on me. He keeps looking away, fixated on the wall. I need to get him to pay attention to me but no matter what I say, he keeps looking away, keeps losing track. “Focus on me” I tell him as I cup his chin and direct him back to face me. Jongup’s skin is pale, his face drawn. I can barely see what colour his eyes are because his pupils are blown wide. “Listen, breath in through your nose and then out through your mouth. Slowly, ok?” I instruct him. When I’m panicking, Daehyun uses this soft, soothing tone. It makes me feel safe. It’s this feeling of safety that I’m trying to get across in the way I’m speaking and acting. “Can you do that for me?”       

“i-I ca-can’t bre-”

“Yes you can, you’re doing just fine. Just listen to me” I say, “do what I’m doing, ok? Breathe in,” I breathe in, exaggerating the action, “And then breathe out. Slowly” I do the same thing, only, I’m breathing out this time. “That’s right!” I’m quick to praise Jongup as he tries to copy me, “see? You’re doing great” Jongup grabs my wrist, tugging. I let him pull my hand away from his face. He doesn’t let go, squeezing tight but not hurting me, rather it seems like he’s trying to, I don’t know…  _ feel? _ Sometimes contact can be too much and not enough all at once. Daehyun normally deals with it by making me sit beside him and hold hands. It’s about all the contact I can bare when I’m like this so maybe, maybe I overstepped when I touched Jongup’s face. Maybe is was too much for him? 

 

“Hyung?” Jongup whimpers, breathing much more evenly now. He’s still shaking, trembling like a leaf. I don’t like how pale he is, how drawn. He looks likes he’s seconds from either being sick or passing out. Neither of which I want to happen. 

“Yes?” I don’t know how to reply to him because I don’t really know what he’s asking. He could be asking for comfort, or he could be asking for me to get the hell out of his space, I just don’t know. Jongup closes the distance between us, throwing his arms around my waist and hugging me tight. There’s a desperation in the embrace, he doesn’t need space, he needs to be close. Jongup needs to be held. I t’s odd to see how he’s different when we’re so similar. I need Daehyun for this. He knows how to deal with skinship and comfort. I was fine when it was nothing more than protecting Jongup from Minghao and when he held my hand but this? I don’t know how to deal with this. 

It also fucking hurts. Jongup is a strong little fucker and my chest  _ aches _

“We should be getting back to Himchan-ssi” I manage to say with a clear voice despite the fact Jongup is crushing me. 

“That’s the smartest thing you’ve said since you got here” Jihoon snipes, still smarting from Jongup’s refusal to speak. 

“Go to hell”

“He’s been there, done that and took it over” Yoongi adds with a laugh, “Just thought you ought to know that…”

“What the fuck is wrong with you Mins?”

“You’re better off not knowing” Wonwoo mutters, “If you’re leaving you should go now.” 

“Himchannie knows you’re done here so…  _ bye-bye!” _

“I swear, one of these days, I am going to kill you Jihoon.”  

“Yeah, sure. Join the queue. I’ll be waiting” Jihoon winks, blowing me a kiss as I awkwardly unclasp Jongup’s grip and lead him out of the Triage room. “Oh, I sent the details to Himchannie! Give him my love!” Jihoon calls before the door swings shut. 

 

“Are we going back now?” Jongup asks, voice raw from the panic and tears. “To Hongie?” 

“Yes. I need to collect Dae” I answer. The corridor is bland, painted a pale creamy colour. “Can you take me to Junhong?” I realised I hadn’t actually been further than the Triage Room or Lounge before. I actually had no idea where BTS had stashed Junhong. “Please?” I add after Jongup had paused, I’m not surprised he’s still wary of letting me near his brother. To my surprise he agrees.  

“Will you be leaving us here?” Jongup asks as he leads the way  

“Do you want me too?” I ask. I’m not sure Jongup wants to stay here knowing that Jihoon is waiting for him to talk and then there’s the fact that he can’t go back home either. The boys are stuck in a kind of limbo, wanting to move on but remaining stuck until someone releases them. Himchan told me that they are my problem now. That I had to find somewhere for them. 

“I don’t know”

“You understand why you can’t go home right?” It was important to me that Jongup knew and understood I wasn’t being cruel, he really was in danger and now that we knew Junhong was being stalked, we needed to be extra careful. 

“It’s not fair” Jongup mumbles, “I...I just want, it’s not fair!”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“You do?”

“I’m living with my Boss at the moment, so I can’t go home either. I’m not sure my home is even mine anymore to be honest” 

“What, why?”

“I’m not sure who’s staying there right now because Himchan had added our home to the list of safehouses when we moved in to protect Yongguk. So you see, we don’t really have a home”

“Can he do that?”

“Sure, of course. He’s my boss and I kinda owe him so…”

“Owe him! How?” Jongup asks alarmed, he freezes, staring at me wide-eyed. Oh, oh dear, “No, not like that” I add quickly seeing the fear on Jongup’s face, “He saved my life”

“Nothing else?”

“Absolutely not. I’d never let him near you if Himchan was like  _ that” _

“I don’t want to stay here” Jongup admits suddenly, “I… You and Dae-hyung, _ you get it… _ ” The ‘ _ I want to stay with you’  _ goes unsaid but I hear it anyway. 

“I’m not sure if Junhong can leave the Clinic yet” I’m telling the truth, I really don’t know if Junhong can leave. I wasn’t sure how long it would take for him to heal and we didn’t have the equipment needed in case something goes wrong or Junhong develops a complication. That being said it’s not like Himchan didn’t have the space and I could always ask Namjoon to lend me one of the maknaes to check Junhong over regularly, so I could get away with stashing both boys in Himchan’s house. “If he couldn’t would you be alright with leaving him here?” I already know the answer but I needed to hear Jongup say it. I had to give him the choice. 

“ _ No!  _ If Hongie has to stay then I will too!” Jongup snaps

“I’ll ask Seokjin if he can leave, ok?”

“You will?” Jongup blinks, he seems a little unsure, perhaps he expected me to leave them both here when Jongup refused to leave his brother. It wouldn’t be surprising if Jongup thought that I would ditch him as soon as he became ‘difficult’ or ‘uncooperative’. What he doesn’t realise is I had no intention of leaving him or abandoning him and Junhong. And, if I got my way, he would never know because he didn’t need too.   

 

Jongup leads me to a plain wooden door. There’s a neat laminated card with Junhong’s name taped to the door. “D-do I have to to go in?”

“It’s up to you but I think Junhong would feel better if you did. Especially as he doesn’t know who I am” I’m not surprised that Jongup is reluctant to see his brother, he had left in a Dae-like rush of dramatics. No doubt Jongup feared that Junhong would push for answers or demand an explanation. He certainly deserved one. “I don’t think I should” Jongup confessed quietly, biting at his lip, “He’ll be mad”

“Of course he’ll be mad” I sighed, slightly fed up with Jongup’s hesitation but completely understanding where he was coming from. I know Daehyun would be incensed if I had pulled the same stunt. Daehyun was furious that I’d lied by not telling him I was hurt. “But he loves you and he’s more worried than angry. Trust me”

With that, I grabbed the handle and opened the door. 

 

****IAmALineBreak****

 

Junhong flinches at the boom of the door as it was thrown open, revealing my infamous partner.  Of course it would be Youngjae, he did love a dramatic entrance after all. Especially when he was trying to make a statement. In this case I think he’s trying to portray a facade of effortless cool and strength, he’s really trying to impress, or perhaps, comfort Jongup. I’m concerned though, Youngjae looks harried and there’s a tightness to his expression, his lips are thin and pale. He’s clearly in pain. I can see it in the way he’s holding himself, normally Youngjae stands tall, shoulders back and chest out, dominating and commanding but now, his shoulders are hunched where he’s curling in on himself. If he left the Triage room without Yoongi giving him permission, I will kill him. And if he even tries to lie to me again…  I will break his damn leg. 

I’d like to see him try and wheedle his way back to active duty with a broken leg. 

Jongup peeks out from behind Youngjae. God, he looks awful. The skin around his eyes is puffy, red and sore. He’d calmed down from when I last saw him, at least I think so although I would have expected the redness to have faded… unless Jongup had been crying again. I wonder what triggered it. I’m sure Youngjae would’ve been on his best behaviour so I doubt it was something Youngjae did to him. We needed the boys to trust us and my brother was already at a disadvantage. Still, whatever happened in the Triage Room must have endeared Youngjae to Jongup because he’s clinging to him. Jongup is wearing Youngjae’s jacket. 

“Hyung!” Junhong chirps, reaching out for Jongup, “are you feeling better?”

Youngjae doesn’t bother loitering in the doorway and not-so-gently encourages Jongup to go to Junhong. As soon as he’s close enough Junhong snatches Jongup’s hand and pulls him into a warm embrace. He whispers something to Jongup but I don’t catch the words because Youngjae is speaking over him. “Taehyung, could you ask Seokjin-ssi to come here? I need to ask him something” 

Taehyung levels Youngjae with a suspicious look “What are you planning?”

“Nothing that puts the boys at risk” Youngjae replies. I’m grateful that Youngjae messaged me last night telling that Himchan had instructed him to ‘take care of the boys’ because I would have no idea what Youngjae was planning, otherwise. Still, I’m not sure where he’s going with this request. 

“Hmm, that’s not good enough Hyung.” Taehyung smiles, “but I’ll let Jinnie and Joonie-hyungs tell you that” 

“Yeah, sure. You do that Taehyung” Youngjae waved him off. With Taehyung leaving to fetch his hyungs, Youngjae takes his seat. 

Junhong refuses to let go of Jongup. I knew the younger had been shaken by Jongup’s sudden departure. It would take some time before my words really sunk in for Junhong. He would still be feeling hurt and betrayed by Jongup, seeing his need to flee as abandonment, even though Jongup had fled for Junhong’s safety. Then there was the issue of what Junhong knew. Or, more accurately, what he thought he knew. I wasn’t sure what Taehyung had said to him but it was clear to me that Junhong had already joined the dots, filling in the blanks with his imagination. For Junhong to have found out that his hyung had gone through hell in the misguided belief that Jongup was protecting him, must have hurt. It would’ve  _ killed  _ me if Youngjae had done the same for m-oh. 

Oh. 

He did. 

_ Fuck. _

The thought had crossed my mind before, when I had seen Jongup breakdown. I was so sure that Youngjae could help him because he knew what it was like. Youngjae had also been raped. I knew it,  _ had known _ for too long now. It just… it just hadn’t really made sense, hadn’t really felt like the godawful truth that it is.  _ I had failed to protect Youngjae. _

What do I do? How was I supposed to act, when I knew what I did? How was I supposed to deal with the fact that Youngjae had not only lied about injuries on the job but had also lied to me  _ for years _ about the very same issue Jongup was dealing with? How was I supposed to deal with the fact that he  _ hadn’t  _ lied and that I had just been blissfully blind?  

How could I deal with this when I can’t even  _ say _ it?

How am I supposed to look at the photos and not see Youngjae in Jongup’s place? 

 

“Oi! Pabo-ah, I’m talking to you” Youngjae snaps his fingers in front of my face, “You didn’t hear a damn word I said, did you?”

“Heh..” I brush through my hair, rubbing at my scalp. “Sorry Jae, I was kinda distracted”

“S’ok” Youngjae says with a sigh, “I was just saying you were right”

“I was?”

“Yeah, but don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s just this one time”

“Hyung broke his ribs” Jongup chimes in helpfully, in the time that I’d been having my crisis, he’d climbed up on Junhong’s bed. “just thought you ought to know”

“Hey!” Youngjae snaps, affronted. “Why would you betray me like this you snek!”

“Because you just told your hyung that you’re fine.” Jongup says blank-faced, “Minty said you needed rest. And I like Dae-hyung”

Youngjae is unimpressed, “you’re a sneaky snek”

“Wait… you broke your ribs?” I exclaim, I’d also missed that snippet, “Yoo Youngjae!”

“Look, I didn’t break them on purpose”

“What the hell am I going to do with you now?”

“Love me?” Youngjae retorts, following his words with god-awful aegyo. 

“Ew.” Jongup states with obvious distaste. Junhong however, breaks into a huge grin. He even laughs a little, it’s a bit rough, harsh even but it’s infectious. 

 

“Oh, you clever bastard” I compliment, muttering under my breath. Youngjae amazes me. He took a potentially awkward situation and worked it to our advantage, in acting like a fool to avoid my wrath he made Junhong laugh. By acting like a fool, he had shown himself to be non-threatening and trustworthy. He’d broken the ice in the best way. Not only had he made Junhong relax, he’d also returned Jongup to his rightful place, beside his dongsaeng. A double win for Youngjae. 

The laughing dies down as Youngjae adopts a more serious expression. “I wanted to talk to you both” he says to the boys. 

Junhong sits forward, mirroring Youngjae’s expression “Good because I have something I want to say”

Youngjae blinks, he shares a confused glance with me, neither of us knew what to expect from Junhong, “Go ahead”

“Let me make this clear, ok” Junhong begins, “if you hurt my hyung, or I don’t know, try to shoot me again,  _ I will make your life a living hell!”  _

“Noted” Youngjae says solemnly. The sincerity of Youngjae’s agreement is not shocking to me but it is for the boys. Jongup more so than Junhong, he’d gasped and gripped Junhong’s hand, scandalised with his brothers audacity. Jongup is still incredibly wary of us and must be terrified, petrified even. Junhong is challenging us though. He doesn’t know  _ how  _ to be afraid of us, I suppose. I would actually go as far as to say, Junhong is trying to protect Jongup. By making himself into a target. 

“We’re on your side Junhong” I add. And we were. We would do anything we could to help, to protect these boys.

“Sure, I get that. I’m just making sure  _ he” _ Junhong points at Youngjae, “knows that I’m serious”

 

Honestly, I would have expected Youngjae to have either sassed this poor kid into next week or beaten him. Had Junhong been older, had he been anyone else, Youngjae would have made it clear that he would not tolerate disrespect. Even after all these years together he can still surprise me. “I swore to Jongup that I’d do anything to keep him safe. And you, I’ll do whatever it takes.” 

And then there’s  _ that…  _ He didn’t tell me was going to swear an oath to Jongup. Or that he would extend the same promise to Junhong. It’s a good development for Youngjae, seeing this softer, caring side of him reminds me of when we first became friends. Before we had become brothers. Seeing Youngjae like this, as he used to be, makes me want to smile. And laugh.

It makes me want to cry. 

 

“Daehyunnie-hyung?” Junhong breaks my reverie, “Are you ok?”

Youngjae looks intently at me, trying to work out what’s going through my head. He probably thinks I’m still mad at him, or upset still. 

I still have those photos. 

“Ya, answer the kid” 

“I’m good, yeah.” I say ignoring the quiet scoff from Youngjae. “I was just thinking”

“Did it hurt?” Junhong quips, smiling widely, “because your face was all screwed up”

“He gets like that” Youngjae adds, “don’t worry about it” 

Well, ok. That was rude. I don’t ‘get like that’. Unless, the subject of my thoughts happens to be my dongsaeng. Honestly, I just don’t know what to do with Youngjae. I know he’s in pain, I know he’s hurting and I know that Gukkie-hyung is worried about him. Which means Himchan-hyung is too. The way Youngjae is acting kind of frightens me. What Junhong and Jongup are seeing right now is just a mask. One that I’ve not seen before. I’m not used to  _ this. _

Youngjae is acting like me. 

Because he’s doesn’t know  _ how  _ to be himself. He doesn’t know how to express his feelings, doesn’t know how to express that he cares for Junhong and Jongup. In the face of the  _ sheer intensity _ of his emotions, Youngjae has fallen back onto the one thing he knows, the one person he knows he can trust. 

I don’t think I can be that person.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this was a doozie.  
> Sorry for not posting sooner, uni is a bitch and so is my degree.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> I legit cried twice. 
> 
> love, Isa
> 
> p.s. I wrote Snek instead of Snake and yes, I meant it.


	21. In which the author finally moves the damn story on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, My Lovely Readers.  
> Here is another beastly chapter featuring my favourite otp; BangHim  
> No seriously, my beloved sister; Miss Evie Redgrave, reminded me that we hadn't seen Himchan without him being angry and as my YJ bitches about Himchannie... I just had to agree. 
> 
> Love, Isa  
> p.s. I wrote this instead of writing my essay for my module - the essay that's worth 70% of my grade (^^)'

“ _Excuse me?”_ Seokjin snarls, “you want to _what?”_

“I want to take Junhong home” Youngjae says calmly, seemingly unbothered by the furious doctor. “I understand hyung, I really do but I need to keep them safe”

“And you thought you’d do that by REMOVING THEM FROM MY CARE?”   

Youngjae kept his word. As soon as Taehyung returned with Leader and Doctor he asked them if he could take Junhong ‘home’. My brother had been excited at first, expecting ‘home’ to be our small apartment. Daehyun had been the one to explain that we would not be going _home._ It had gone about as well as I had expected it to, Junhong had been angry, devastated and distraught. I kept my mouth shut. I knew he was in danger. I knew someone _wanted_ my brother but I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t know how to. Youngjae doesn’t tell him either, instead he tells Junhong the same thing he told me. The man who hired us knew were we lived and as we had failed the job… he left that bit to Junhong’s imagination. “Blame your leader, _he’s_ the one that wants them gone” Youngjae stresses, “I only want to keep the boys safe”

Doctor spins round, “Is that true Joonie?” he asks deadly quiet. Leader gulps. The Doctor’s anger has to be exaggerated, there’s no way he wants _me_ in the Clinic. Not after I cut up Daehyun and stabbed Hobi. Not after I’d literally bitten the hand that feeds us, well, the hand that healed Hongie…

“I can’t guarantee their safety. Jin-hyung, be reasonable. Youngjae is offering us a viable solution.”

“STEALING MY PATIENTS IS NOT A VIABLE SOLUTION NAMJOON”   

“It’s not stealing if I’m asking” Youngjae adds.

“Aish! These kids have no respect” Doctor grumbles, shaking his head. “Fine. Ok.”

“Ok?” Daehyun ventures timidly, “Ok we can take Junhong-”

“Yes!” Doctor concedes. “One, one condition”

“Just one condition?” Youngjae snickers. “Are you sure Hyungnim?”

“Two. Two conditions” he amends, “For your cheek”

Youngjae shrugs, unapologetic, “what are they?”

“One.” Doctor begins, checking the number off on his fingers, “Taehyung has to be allowed to see the boys. Both of them.” he pauses briefly, “and two, you take it easy”

“Ha! That’s funny Hyung.” Daehyun says. He sounds a little bitter, I had seen how mad he’d gotten with Youngjae in the corridor when he found out that he was hurt. Maybe he was angry still? Or even angrier than before because he now knew that Youngjae’s ribs were broken? “Youngjae doesn’t know how to take it easy” Daehyun finishes.

“Mini-Minty already told Himchan-ssi” I point out.

Youngjae glares at me and hisses making Junhong laugh. I know he’s joking, playing up to make Junhong feel comfortable but every time he does it or reacts to Junhong’s sass with an indulgent smile, I freeze. I feel like air in my lungs becomes a solid weight. Crushing. Junhong doesn’t know what a man like Youngjae could do to him if he wasn’t careful. I don’t for one second believe that Youngjae would hurt my brother. We shared a shameful secret, one that we couldn’t share with our brothers. Youngjae would never make my Junhong suffer. I’m just saying that one of these days, Junhong will sass the wrong person and get hurt. Especially as we were now under the care of not one but three gangs. Jihoon, Himchan and Namjoon all had an interest in us and each had offered to protect us. Namjoon - _Leader,_ was currently sheltering us and had his members treat Junhong. Jihoon- _Mini-Minty_ , was trying to bring down the paedophilic organisation that had hurt me and Dino. And then there was Himchan, Youngjae and Daehyun’s boss. He was giving us a place to stay and providing us with protection. All three leaders, who at any time, could change their minds and leave us.

“Well, if Himchan-ssi knows…” Doctor trails off with a sigh “Let me check you over” he says to Junhong. “I’ll have Hobi-ah bring you something to wear.” Leader relays the message to Hobi with the quick tap-tapping on his phone.

 

Leader huffs, watching with keen interest as Doctor fusses over Junhong. Doctor presses around the bullet wound on Hongie’s back asking him if it hurts. Junhong hisses, grimacing. “Hmm, well I’m not happy but if you insist…”

“We do” Daehyun says, “Hyung, you can trust me. I’ll keep an eye on Junhong”

“I’ll change the dressing and then I’ll run through wound care with you, Daehyun.” Doctor says, “And you too Jongup. If you want?”

“You, urm, you’d...show me?” I blurt, confused. Why was he asking me?

“I want you too Hyung!” Junhong insists, “You always take the best care of me” he says with a bright grin. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy, I like taking care of Junhong but he’s been reluctant to rely on me recently. I haven’t told him that I felt rejected and useless because I thought I’d get over it. He didn’t need me to hover over him, guarding him. For Junhong to need me, to want me, to take care of him is a blessing, I think. If I’m focusing on him, I can ignore my own problems. I can keep him safe from whoever is after him. I wish I hadn’t panicked. Panicking meant I couldn’t get Mini-Minty to spill. He had all the information I needed at his fingertips but he’d kept it from me. I wonder if it’s some kind of game to him? Maybe if I told him what I knew, he would share with me then?       

Mini-Minty is a sneaky bastard. He hadn’t told Youngjae anything either, just given him the same warning; someone was after my brother.

“You have to pay attention, Jongup” Doctor reminds me, “Look here.” Junhong is on his side, facing away from me. His gown is open at the back revealing the bullet wound. The wound itself has been closed with a series of neat stitches, there’s no sign of fresh blood but gauze from the old dressing is dotted with it. “If there’s bleeding or fluid of any kind, you have to call me straight away. Do you understand?”

“Fluid?” I ask. The instruction made sense for the most part, if Junhong was bleeding again...

“Because the bullet went through the seat before it hit your brother, it could become infected. That means the skin around here,” Doctor traces the area around the stitches carefully with his gloved finger, “will become red and warm. Infections like this are usually accompanied by pus or a bloody fluid”

“Yuck” Junhong states.

“Is there anything else we should know?” Daehyun prompts. Doctor nods as he dresses the wound. “Remember, some pain is normal, so is coughing, it’s only when Junhong starts coughing up bloody phlegm or becomes breathless and in serious pain, that you call me.” he informs us. Doctor taps Junhong’s hip, gently, “All done Kid”

Daehyun lets me help Junhong to roll back over and sit up. I notice that Youngjae had been quiet, too quiet. I thought he was talking to Leader, arranging for Taehyung to visit us but… he’s just sitting there, watching us. He has the strangest expression on his face, a mix of, I’m not sure, horror? Revulsion? It’s like he’s only just realised what he had actually done to my brother. I mean, obviously he knew. Seeing the actual physical proof of it was different though. I would know, the things that I’d gone through, that I had done felt abstract, not real almost, more like a bad dream than reality. Dino made it real. Knowing that there was photos of me at me lowest, made it real. Seeing the damage he had caused made it real for Youngjae.  He catches me looking at him, briefly making eye contact with me before he looks away, glancing at the floor, suddenly interested in his shoes. Doctor doesn’t notice. I’m not sure Daehyun does either. “And you!” Doctor snaps, pinning Youngjae with a fierce glare, “You will take it easy and take your goddamn painkillers, do you hear me?”

“I ain’t taking no pills” Youngjae mumbles petulantly. He must of thought Doctor couldn’t hear him.

“You will. If I find out you’ve ignored me and Yoongi, _again_ , I will tie you down and make you rest, so help me God.” Doctor threatens, he places his hands on his hips and stares Youngjae down. Doctor wins their contest. “I swear I will”

“Kinky” Hobi comments as he delivers a bundle of clothing along with my backpack and a small paper bag. I had wondered where the damn bag was...

“Shut up Hobi-ah” Doctor retorts, hiding his smile behind a discreet cough. “We’ll leave you too it.” he says, leaving without saying goodbye. He drags Hobi with him.

Leader loiters, staying behind to have a quiet word with Daehyun and Youngjae as I help Junhong into the sweats and tee. He has a little trouble with the top, whimpering as he stretches, we manage though. “Wh-s in the bag?” Junhong pants, tired out by changing. I shrug, I don’t know what’s in the bag either. I’m curious enough to investigate. “Huh.” It’s a medicine bottle, I can’t read the label. “It’s some fancy medicine. I don’t know what though” I tell Junhong. He holds his hand out for the bottle, he takes it, holding it close to his face as he reads the label. “It’s for you” Daehyun interrupts.

“For Junhong?”

“Yep, s’for him” Daehyun says “Antibiotics, ya know, to stop infection”

“Oh” Junhong says, “a-moxi-cill-in” he reads, “sounds like a party.” He hands the bottle to me and I slip in into my backpack.

I couldn’t remember if I had had my backpack when we had been found but I was glad I had it now. I think BTS must have thrown my clothes away given the amount of blood I had been covered in, the same for Hongie’s. Thankfully our shoes had been cleaned and stashed in my bag. I was a little attached to my boots. Junhong made a happy noise when I fish his trainers out of the bag. I wasn’t about to let him go running about barefoot. Not when Doctor told me that a simple cold could make Junhong really sick. “Don’t even think about it” I fuss. As Junhong was trying to slip his shoes on, he sways dangerously but Daehyun catches him before he could fall. “Sit down Hongie, let me help you”

Hongie pouts at me “hyung~” he whines, “I thought I could do it” Of course he did. Stubborn brat. I don’t grace him with a reply, instead I give him my best I-can’t-believe-you’re-so-stupid bitch-face.

“Cute!” Daehyun cooes.  

 

****IAmALineBreak****

 

“Don’t complain ok?” Daehyun babbles excitedly “Kevin is a nice car and he has _feelings_. So don’t hurt them” He really does remind me of a puppy. It’s a little jarring to see that one of the men I was so afraid off was actually a giant goofball. Youngjae seems to be just as impressed as I am with his partner. He rolls his eyes and sighs. “Keys. Now” he demands without patience. Daehyun laughs at him, “No way Jae. Ah, pout all you want but you heard Jin-hyung.” Youngjae blinked, gawking stupidly at his hyung. Junhong giggled, leaning on me, “He’s just like you hyung” he says, “Jae-hyung reminds me of you”

“Hush” Youngjae snaps, sulkily kicking the passenger side tyre with a muttered curse.

 

Daehyun lied.

Kevin is not a nice car. It smells weird. Still, being in the back is better than being locked in the trunk again. I open the door once Daehyun unlocks the car and freeze. There’s a suspicious stain on the back seats thou-oh my god. It’s dried blood. _Junhong’s blood_ . There so much of it, stiffening the material of the seats. Though it’s mostly dry, there is a sort of sticky tackiness to it. I think I’m going to throw up. “No.” I croaked, gagging, “I am **not** getting in _that”_ I’ve got my hand clamped over my mouth, breathing in through my nose in an attempt to quell the nausea.

“Oh, _oh”_ Daehyun says, “Jongup...I’m so _sorry”_

Junhong tries to comfort me, tires to take my free hand but I shove him away, needing the space suddenly. My stomach is rebelling, rolling and roiling, _Oh God_ , I can still smell it, the heavy tang of blood and _it’s worse_ knowing it’s my Hongie’s blood. “Shh, it’s ok, it’s ok.” Youngjae says, swooping in and guiding me away from the car. Daehyun is sensible enough to shut the rear-door and stop Junhong from seeing the blood. “Dae, go ask Minghao for his keys.” Youngjae says. I’m led to another car, silver this time and mercifully blood free. Junhong follows slowly, taking his time. He’s the one that needs help, not me. “Help Hongie” I try to shrug Youngjae off but I can’t. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Hyung, please. He needs help, I’m fine.” I can tell Youngjae doesn’t believe me but he leaves anyway, fetching my brother. I guess Youngjae must have taken something when I wasn’t looking because he doesn’t seem to be in any pain right now. Back in the corridor, he had been leaning against the wall, unable to stand straight. He must have done it when I was helping Hongie dress. Either way, if you didn’t know he was injured…

I think I understand why Daehyun frets so much. I would too if Youngjae was my dongsaeng.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Youngjae exclaims, looking back towards the Clinic’s entrance. Huh, I can see way he’s appalled. Daehyun should have been alone. Well, alone or with Minghao seeing as this was his car…

“You can fuck right off” Youngjae snarls, “Why does it have to be you?”

It’s Minty.

And he’s smirking.

“Aish, don’t be like that Jae-ah, I’m starting to think you don’t like me” he laughs

“You mean you’ve only just got the message?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak snake...so no” Minty replies easily as he unlocks the car doors. “You’re in the front Youngjae-ah” For all his sulking and protesting, Youngjae does as he’s told and slips into the front. Daehyun takes the seat directly behind Minty and Junhong is placed in the middle, leaving me to sit behind Youngjae. I’m a little uneasy being in the car with Minty. He doesn’t seem to be interested in me all that much, instead he keeps bothering Youngjae with snippy little comments. I do see Minty sneaking glances in the rearview every now and again but I can’t tell if he’s actually focusing on the road or sneaking glances at me. Or Junhong. Daehyun is humming to himself, idly thumbing through his emails or something equally boring. Junhong, being the sneaky little thief he is, has stolen most of my space, squishing me against the door. He’d fallen asleep. I kind of expected him too given the fact that he was on some pretty powerful painkillers. “Move over! C’mon Hongie, move!” I grumble trying to push him off, I just need a little space to breathe, damn it! “Hey.” Daehyun says quietly, gaining my attention, “You ok?”

“Obviously I am not ok. I am being squished!” I hiss, forgetting to be polite to him. “I...i mean, no? Hyung” I amend quickly, hoping he didn’t notice my lack of manners.

“Here, let me help you” He says, helping by arranging Junhong to lean on him instead.

“Thank you, hyung”

“No problem”

 

Eventually, we turn onto a street that’s lined with gated driveways, leading up to some of the biggest houses I had ever seen. Everything about this area screams expensive although, some of these, let’s say; mansions are a little, urm… tasteless? Over decorated and overly large. I don’t think I like it. Here is just a little too… it’s obvious we don’t fit in. Me and Hongie are dressed in soft comfortable clothes whereas Youngjae and Daehyun are wearing sharply tailored suits. Well, Daehyun was but he had changed into a woollen jumper and slacks whilst I had been unconscious. Minty fits in too, or rather, he would if his hair wasn’t died an obnoxious mint green. Minty turns onto the driveway of one of the nicer homes. This mansion, whilst still being much larger than any normal house is still smaller than the surrounding ones. Despite probably being cheaper than the others, it is classier, simple and elegant. As we drive up to the front door, I try to get my bearings, scoping out my surroundings. To the side of the house is a large building lined with garage doors.

So maybe this mansion is just as expensive as the others on this street because damn, who needs a garage that big?  

The door opens revealing a man dressed casually. Youngjae hisses, evidently displeased, both Minty and Daehyun snicker at Youngjae’s distaste. “Chill out Jae.” Daehyun says, the laughter evident in his voice. “But the professionalism, Dae!” Daehyun mimic’s Youngjae, word for word, “Where’s the fucking professionalism?” I can’t help but smile. I know that Junhong would do the exact same thing to me if I was whining about nothing.

Once the car stops, I wake Junhong up and coax him out of the car with Daehyun’s help. Minty is walking next up to the door with Youngjae. He’s got his hand resting on the small of Youngjae’s back in a gesture that’s meant to be encouraging but clearly makes him uncomfortable. The man in the doorway waves with a bright grin, welcoming us.      

“Hyung!” He greets Daehyun, “let me help you.” Daehyun was mostly supporting my sleepy dongsaeng, I’m hovering nearby, reluctant to let this new person get too close to Junhong. The fact that he defers to Daehyun tells me that this man is not Himchan or Yongguk. I didn’t expect either of them to be waiting at the door or offering to help…

The man squeaks as Youngjae lurches towards him. Minty doesn’t let him leave his side, securing Youngjae in place by shifting his hand to his waist. _“Don’t touch him!”_ Youngjae snarls darkly, straining against Minty, _“get out of my sight!”_ he spits. Minty tuts. “Be nice Jae-ah, Ilhoonie is just helping” Daehyun says, gladly accepting the smaller man’s help. I’m not sure of this Ilhoon. I don’t like the fact that Youngjae reacted so… aggressively 

“Who are you?” I snap, preventing Ilhoon from taking Junhong from Daehyun. “Now look what you’ve done” Minty hisses to Youngjae.

The man smiles at me, sweet and open. Honest. “I’m Ilhoon.” he says, “I work for Himchan”

“It’s ok, Jonguppie.” Daehyun soothes me, “Ilhoon is alright. You can trust him”

I continue to stand between Ilhoon, as much as I trust and like Daehyun, I trust Youngjae more and he doesn’t like Ilhoon. “So?”   

Youngjae sighs, finally freeing himself from Minty. “Ilhoon is an annoyance but,” he pauses “you can trust him to protect Junhong.” With Youngjae’s verdict I move aside, allowing him to lift Junhong. “Sungjae-ah did as you asked” Ilhoon informs Youngjae, “I’ll take this one up to their room”

“Do you want to go with Ilhoon?” Daehyun asks me. “I’ll come with you” he adds after catching the unsubtle ‘you too’ gesture from Youngjae. I don’t give him answer choosing instead, to follow Ilhoon.    

 

****IAmALineBreak****

 

“Talk to me Channie” Yongguk said with gentle authority. He had tried ignoring the pacing and systematic deep sighs as Himchan mulled over the days events. There was something Yongguk couldn’t ignore however, Himchan was breaking his own self-imposed rule. Matoki and related business was a banned topic on Date Night. Himchan was so obviously distracted by whatever was bothering him that he hadn’t noticed Yongguk snuggling into his side until he pinched him. “ _Ow!”_ Himchan yelped, startled by the sting on his thigh, “what the fuck was that for?”   
“That was the sixth time you sighed in the past five minutes” Yongguk pouted, “you’re ignoring me”

“Well damn. There’s no need to pinch me”

“I tried being nice.”

“I…” Himchan sighed, again. “What am I supposed to do with our boys? Did you know that Youngjae was injured on that damn job?”

“Um, no. This is the first time you’ve told me”

Himchan paused, “it is?”

“Yep.” Yongguk replied. He had been concerned before but now he was worried. “Talk to me. Please?”

“I don’t know where to start... did I tell you what Jihoon said? About the car, I mean.”

“Only the basics, I’m sure”

“There’s no need to sass me” Himchan glared ruefully, “I didn’t want to worry you”

Yongguk huffed and leaned up. “You need to stop. I’m your husband. You can tell me anything, especially if it concerns me or our sons”

“Dae and Jae aren’t our sons”

“Yes they are. Don’t change the subject Kim Himchan. Tell me what’s bothering you” Yongguk ordered, scolding him. “Stop deflecting”

“Urgh. Fine.” Himchan began grudgingly, “Jihoon said the target was Youngjae. Someone wants him out of the way. There’s a rumour that a new gang wants our territory. Killing Jae would leave us - you unprotected.”

“Well shit. Really?”

“Jihoon thinks so and he’s never fucking wrong.”

“But that’s not all, is it?” Himchan had told Yongguk about the theft being a set up, he’d left the part about Youngjae out. And there was something more that Himchan wasn’t telling him. Like what Jihoon had wanted from Youngjae.

“Jihoon sent Jae on a rescue mission, one of his members went missing.”

“Did he find him?”

“Yeah… and something else. There was a kid locked in down in the basement”

“ _Holy shit!_ ” Yongguk exclaimed, shocked. “Is the kid ok?”

“Youngjae didn’t say but I got from his tone that the kid is everything but ok. The photos Jae found have left him shaken. Dae says he’s acting odd”

“Well if Dae says…what photos?” Himchan ignored the question.

“Jihoon’s warned me that Youngjae isn’t the only target”

“What do you mean?” Yongguk asked “I thought he was? Apart from me?”

“Junhong, the other boy, is being stalked.” Himchan said, “Hunted, more like.”

“Hunted? Do we know why?”

“Well, no. It’s linked to why the boys were hired in the first place and Jihoon thinks there’s a Paedophile Ring behind it”

“And these photos...why is Jae shaken?”

“I’ve been told by Jihoon and Namjoon to keep an eye on Jae. Apparently Taehyung says Jae is close to breaking down or something, his behaviour last night kinda shows that so why th-”

“What damn photos?”

Himchan ignored the question, picking imaginary lint off of his sleeve. Yongguk was getting fed up of Himchan not answering the question. They had been together for far too long now. Himchan just couldn't lie to Yongguk. Which is why Himchan tried to deflect or outright ignore questions when he didn’t know the answer or thought the answer was something that would upset, hurt or frighten Yongguk.    

“Kim Himchan!” Yongguk snapped, “I am this close to losing my patience…”

“Baby, I don’t thi-”

“Do not ‘Baby’ me” Yongguk said venomously, “Just tell me what these damn photos are and why the hell has it upset Youngjae?”

Himchan gulped, sometimes Yongguk was more intimidating than any gang leader could ever be. “Jae and Minghao found a stash of child porn. Jongup, the other boy, was featured, so was the kid”

“The one from the basement?”

“Yes” Himchan confirmed, “I didn’t want to tell you because I know how you feel about this kind of thing”

“I think it’s fucking disgusting!” Yongguk spat fiercely, “I thought that was why you had the damn Rule in the first place! You promised me that Matoki would nev-”

“Gukkie, Baby, it’s ok” Himchan coaxed Yongguk round to look at him, “I swore to you that I would never be involved in that kind of thing, I know Pledis, EXODUS and Got7 follow the Rule too. It’s why Jihoon was investigating, we think it’s all linked. You, the car, Jae and those boys. Someone is trying to take us out”

“But why? Why hurt kids?” Yongguk whispered, tearing up, “I don’t understand”

“Shh, I know, ok. I know and we’re trying to stop it.” Himchan said, wiping the tears away with a gentle touch, “We’re going to bring the Ring down.” he affirmed, confidently.

 

The sound of a car pulling up outside broke the moment. “Looks like the boys are home” Himchan sighed “And just in time for dinner”

“Our boys” Yongguk sniffled as he hurriedly rubbed his sleeve over his face.

Himchan gave him a soft smile, repeating Yongguk’s correction, “Our boys.”


	22. In which the boys finally make it home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I'm sorry that this chapter has taken forever to write. I don't really have an excuse but I can tell you that my muses had abandoned me.  
> Anyway, please enjoy this chapter and look forward to the next one!  
> Love,  
> a very stressed Isa. 
> 
> This chapter is completed unbeta-ed.  
> #NoBetaWeDieLikeMen

 

Ilhoon holds Junhong like he’s holding a fragile glass figurine. Securely and carefully. He’s nice. Happy and quick to smile. He’s got this kind of aura that makes him easy to like. I can see why Youngjae hates him. The happiness and brightness is off-putting. It makes him hard to understand. An unknown. It doesn’t help that there’s something a little… unhinged about Ilhoon. It’s his smile I think. Or maybe not. Perhaps I’m reading into it too much, trying to find something that doesn’t feel right. Something that would justify the wariness. 

 

There **_has_ **to be a reason that Youngjae dislikes him.   

 

But I can’t find one. 

 

At least not yet. 

 

I’ll keep watching him. Waiting for the moment when he slips and I can figure out what he  did to earn Youngjae’s hatred. Because I’m certain that there is something. I don’t care what Daehyun says. 

 

Minty leaves us in the hallway, taking Youngjae with him. There’s an open door leading into a large sitting room of sorts, it looks a little too formal to be relaxing… maybe it’s reserved for guests like Minty? Sitting room aside, I’m more interested in the man that’s waiting, seated on the couch. Daehyun waves with an easiness that suggests a close, comfortable relationship. “Who?” I whisper to Daehyun, careful to stay quiet and not meet the seated-man’s eyes as we pass. “Himchannie-hyung” Daehyun informs me. He doesn’t bother staying quiet. But then, he doesn’t need too. He has nothing to be afraid of here. A quick glance to Daehyun tells me that he isn’t joking. I thought he was. There is no way a Leader like Himchan would be seated and waiting patiently. A leader should not appear so relaxed. Especially with Minty - the Second of another gang, entering his home. “Himchan-Sunbaenim will want to speak to you later” Ilhoon says. Daehyun nudges me forward, gentle and discreet. I had frozen momentarily. Was he talking to me or Daehyun? Talking to Himchan is not something that I am looking forward too. See, I knew that Junhong would be fine. He’s sweet and charming. 

 

I am neither of those things. 

 

Himchan will not like me. At all. 

 

I don’t think that his ‘Gukkie’ would like me either. Especially if he’s as nice as Youngjae implied. 

 

But it doesn’t matter. I just have to keep my head down and my mouth shut. If I’m polite and quiet then there’s nothing anyone can say. They won’t have any reason to dislike me. 

 

“We’ve sorted a room for you two on the second floor” Daehyun says as we follow Ilhoon up a set of wide stairs. “I’d prefer you two to be closer to us but Jae says you might not want that so… yeah.”

“The second floor? As in this one or-”

“No, the second. The floor above this” Daehyun corrects me with a sort of amused scoff. Ilhoon straight up laughs. To be fair, I’ve never been in a house that has three floors before. Apartment blocks don’t count. “You’re being mean” 

“Don’t pout!” Daehyun smiles, “I guess it’s not something you’re used to huh?”

“No kidding” I mutter. Of course I’m not used to nice houses and grand sweeping staircases. I’m not used to people helping me or Junhong. I still can’t get over the fact that Ilhoon was willing to carry Junhong without being asked. “Where is your room?” I ask without thinking. Ilhoon sniggers, “Whoa there kid, at least buy him dinner first” he teases. “Ilhoon” Daehyun hisses, his expression suddenly stony. “Think before you speak!”

 

“I didn’t thi-” I begin, quick to amend my question. I didn’t want Daehyun to think I was asking because I intended to, well, to let him or Jae fuck me. I’d decided earlier that I trusted them not too. I know Youngjae had understood I believed I was safe here but I’m not sure Daehyun knew. I couldn’t let a joke make him worry. “I just meant...” 

“No, it’s ok Jongup” Daehyun insists, “My room is just there,” he says, pointing at the door down the end of the hallway. “I share with Jae. You’re more than welcome to come and get us if Junhong needs us” There’s nothing to really say other than a stiff “thank you.” 

The way he had phrased the invitation was clever, to me, it meant if I needed anything, as in, if I was scared or anxious. I could be overthinking but I’m sure that’s what Daehyun meant. Youngjae spoke in half-truths and was evasive so Daehyun must have learnt how to say something without saying it. At least, I thought so. 

 

The stairs leading to the second floor are not as grand. More utilitarian than fancy. It makes a change from the decoration of the ground and first floors, as tasteful as it it. I’m sure that Himchan has put a lot of time and effort into making his home beautiful but I… I don’t like it. Without a doubt it’s too much for me. Too nice and too many things that could be broken if I wasn't careful; like those pretty vases I spotted earlier. More than anything, this second floor proved to be sparse and barren. Nothing to tempt me. 

 

I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help catalogue everything I’ve seen as we made our way to the room prepared for us. From the pair of vases to the smaller, lighter items that decorate the walls and shelves spread across the first two floors, there were so many things that I could sell. Of course, if anything went missing I would be the first and only suspect. Junhong wouldn’t steal from people that helped him. Even if he did, he couldn’t. He wasn’t in any condition to. 

“So this is you” Ilhoon says, interrupting my thoughts. 

“Huh?” 

“I said; “This is you” Ilhoon repeats with a huff, “You’re a bit of an air-head, aren’t you?”

“No more than you” Daehyun retorts, coming to my defense. 

“Whoa there, Jongup, don’t look at me like that” 

“I don’t like you” I spit, angry and hurt. I don’t like being teased and this is the second time that Ilhoon has had a laugh at my expense. Oh, I know, he’s not being mean but everything is just _raw_. 

I just hurt too much right now. 

Ilhoon says nothing, choosing to acknowledge my declaration with a simple nod. There isn’t much he could really say anyway, responding wouldn’t endear him to me.

 

Daehyun opens the door to the room and ushers us inside. “We set you up in this one because it has an ensuite. Jae thinks it’d be better for you both. You won’t have to share” he explains. The room itself is a good size with two single beds placed either side of the window. I don’t hate it. Which is weird. Because I thought I would, I was prepared too. I was prepared to hate anything that wasn’t our flat. It seems that Youngjae really intends to protect us. I mean, an ensuite bathroom? I hadn't thought about before Daehyun pointed it out but now, the thought of sharing a bathroom with the others I’d seen was… too much. The idea of sharing a bathroom was scary. I’d be more vulnerable there than I would say, in the bedroom. 

Youngjae knew I’d feel like this, he had too. 

 

Ilhoon shuffles past me and lays Junhong down on the bed on the far side of the room, leaving me with the bed closest to the door. “Do you want me to stay here with this one?” Ilhoon says to Daehyun, “The Boss wants to see you and Jongup”

“No!” I hiss, staying quiet so Junhong doesn’t wake up. “If you’re Boss wants to see me then he has to come to me. I won’t leave my brother”

“Himchan won’t hurt you, Uppie. And Ilhoonie is a good guy, remember? He’ll take good care of Junhong” Daehyun explains patiently. “Trust me, ok?”

“Hyung doesn’t like him” I argue, Ilhoon might be a good guy but he _was_ a gangster.

“Honestly, I promise you, I’m a nice guy!” Ilhoon insists, “Jae-hyung just doesn’t like me”

“But _why?_ ” 

Before Ilhoon can answer me, Daehyun interrupts. “Leave it” 

I can’t help but flinch at the firm tone, I didn’t want to make him angry. “Bu- … I … yes Hyung” I concede, defeated. Daehyun sighs, he doesn’t look mad, only worried. “Jongup” he begins, “it’s ok, y’know? We wouldn’t have brought you here if we thought anyone here would hurt you. Or Junhong.”

“I...hyung, I-”

“I’m not expecting you to trust Ilhoon, well...I am asking you to, but really, trust me ok? Trust me to know my guys.”

 

I want to say something like ‘I don’t have a choice, do I?’ or ‘well Jae-hyung doesn’t like Ilhoon so why should I?’ 

 

But I won’t. Daehyun doesn’t deserve it and I don’t think it’s worth the risk of actually insulting or offending Ilhoon. Especially if I’m leaving him with Junhong. 

 

So I don’t say anything at all and let Daehyun lead me from my new room. 

 

****IAmALineBreak****

 

“I’m glad you’re ok” Himchan says the moment he sees me. The sincerity of his worried frown and the obvious relief in his voice leaves me feeling raw and open. I have to look away and awkwardly shuffle passed Yoongi just so Himchan can’t see that I’m tearing up. Yoongi watches me with an amused expression, no doubt he _knows_ that I’m tired, hurt and more than a little scared. 

“Please, sit” Himchan says, gesturing for Yoongi to take a seat. “Thank you for bringing my boys home”

“Sure. It was my pleasure.” Yoongi replies with a small smile, “we had a laugh, didn’t we Jae?” 

“ _Go to hell”_

 Himchan quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t admonishes me. Instead he refocuses on Yoongi and asks for any updates. I’m too busy trying to get comfortable on the sofa without either Himchan or Yoongi noticing. The painkillers I’d been forced to take had begun wearing off after I hauled Junhong to Minghao’s car. The pain hadn’t been to bad during the drive but I’d sure as hell noticed it after I’d lunged at Ilhoon. If Yoongi hadn’t of grabbed me I would’ve been fine. But no. I didn’t get to murder Ilhoon. 

 

“Jae-ah? Are you ok?” Yongguk voice cuts through the white noise of Himchan and Yoongi, making me jump, startled. “Channie sai-oh. Hello Yoongi.”

Yoongi rises quickly and bows, returning the greeting. “What’s going on?” Yongguk asks, he’s not normally interested in Matoki business so for him to actively engage with Yoongi is unusual. It means Himchan told him something that worried him. He already knew about the boys so it can’t be that…

Neither I or Yoongi miss the subtle signal from Himchan as Yongguk settles next to him; _tell him._

“Jihoon’s Tech Team got into the phone Youngjae found. We need more but we can start planning.”

“Is this about Junhong? Channie told me that someone was after him”

“Well yes. Someone has paid a lot of money for the boy, Wonwoo overheard the sick fucks talking about getting one hell of a payday when they found the kid” 

“Wait, Jihoon didn’t say that to me” I’m confused, how could Yoongi know this when we were both there when Jun told Jihhon they’d cracked the password. 

Yoongi stares blankly for a moment, “Are you serious?” he laughs, “Jihoon wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. He didn’t want to stress out your kid anymore than he had already.”

“You shouldn’t have kept that from me! Don’t you think I needed to know?” I seethe, “I can’t keep them here! Yonggu-”

“Is perfectly fine” Yongguk finishes for me, cutting me off. “This is the safest place for the boys, right?”

I shake my head, disagreeing “I can’t protect you and the boys” I argue. “It’s my job to keep you safe, Hyung.”

“Actually, your job is to do whatever I tell you to do” Himchan says mildly. 

“You told me to protect Yongguk-hyung!”

“Channie told you to help those boys. I have Eunkwang and his boys to protect me.”

“They’re novices! I can protect you!”

“Youngjae!” Yoongi snaps, “You’re right. BtoB are _not_ as good as you. Which is why you _have to protect the boys!”_

“I… I don’t kno… how can I protect them if I don’t know who’s after them! How can I protect Junhong when Jongup won’t let us tell him why he’s in danger?” I demand, I’m angry. Mad and frustrated that vital information has been kept from me. I’m scared. Scared that I can’t protect the boys. Scared that I’ll let Jongup down. “What if I can’t keep them safe?”

“That’s something you’re going to have to figure out” Himchan says “Gukkie can help you, he knows more about children than I do”

“They’re not kids!” Gukkie squawks, “I can deal with little kids, not teenagers”

“It doesn’t matter how you feel Youngjae. You made a promise to Jongup and like it or not, he trusts you. You _cannot fuck this up!”_

 

It’s easy for Yoongi to say. He thinks he understands, as a hyung he’s had to deal with his brothers problems, had to go through all sorts of issues with Minki and Jihoon. 

He hasn’t had to deal with this.


	23. In which a serious discussion takes place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am terribly sorry about the late update. This is only a small chapter but I promise it's good!   
> Love, Isa.

Himchan has a knack for making people uncomfortable. It’s the way he looks at you, his eyes cold, steely and entirely too clever but it’s Yongguk that I’m more wary of. Himchan could make me feel like a scared child that’d broken his parents rules but Yongguk… 

There’s something about Yongguk that makes me want to tell him everything, how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking… It’s why I can’t bear to look him in the eye for more than a second. He knows it too. That's why he keeps trying to catch my eye and giving me the sad Otter-Face. 

“I’m willing to work with Jihoon but I’m not sure we can get the Big Three to join us” Himchan wonders aloud. The firepower that each of the Three could raise would certainly benefit us. It wasn’t surprising that Himchan asked about the Three; JYP, SM and YG. Each ‘Company’ sponsored a number of Gangs. EXODUS, for example was a branch of SM alongside their sister branches; SUJU, Shinee and NCT.

“Well, we’ve got JYP and his boys on board. Jihoon is talking to Junmyeon” Yoongi replies. 

“Do you think Taeyong and Leeteuk will agree?” I ask. It’s a good question, although Himchan has yet to make any ‘official’ contact with NCT, I had met with the leader of their Chinese section; Kun. 

“Taeyong’s children are enrolled in Monstas; Minhyung and Jisung.” Yongguk adds thoughtfully. “All of the NCT members have their kids there”

“We know. That’s why Minki’s there. To protect those kids” Yoongi explains absently, he’s looking out away from us and towards the stairs, distracted by the noise in the hallway. 

 

Of course the creator such a racket had to be Daehyun. He’s loud and free with his smiles. It’s funny how much Daehyun reminds me of Himchan, like our Boss, Daehyun has a knack for commanding the attention of a room, filling it with his easy-going attitude. I notice that Yongguk seems especially pleased to see Dae, or perhaps he’s pleased to see Jongup. 

Jongup looks just as tired as he did back at the Clinic. Though, to be honest, he looks more tired now. He’s drained, pasty and following close behind Daehyun. Almost shadow-like. I don’t know what happened whilst he was with Dae and Ilhoon but Jongup seems even more unsettled than he did before. I swear, if Ilhoon upset him I swear I’ll kill him this time. I mean it. As I’m plotting Ilhoon’s murder, Daehyun guides Jongup past Himchan and sttles him next to me. It’s obvious that Jongup is nervous, he’s quick to look away and down towards his shoes when he accidentally catches Yongguk looking at him curiously.

There’s a moment of silence before Yoongi starts talking again. 

“There are a few more details to go over but I think we’ve covered the basics” 

Himchan agrees with a sharp nod. “I’ll contact Hakyeon. His boys will want in on this” 

“Ah, VIXX is… useful” Daehyun adds with a thoughtful hum. “I’m not looking forward to paying them though”

“I’m not sure I understand” Yoongi says mildly, “N-Sunbaenim wouldn’t make Matoki pay for their services, not if you’re working with Jihoon.”

Yoongi is not the only one confused. Both Yongguk and Jongup are too. For different reasons. Yongguk would know that Hakyeon is an associate of Himchan’s, I’d go as far as to say Himchan was actually friends with VIXX’s leader. Plus, Yoongi had just said that the gangs were going to work together. As I mentioned, Jongup looks likes he’s just had enough. He’s tired, drained and overwhelmed. Hearing that Daehyun is ‘buying services’ from VIXX will have alarmed him. Jongup doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. The way he curls up slightly, leaning into me and the way his breath catches is enough to tell me he’s worried. 

“I asked Ravi to set up a couple of IDs for the boys” Daehyun explains, “I didn’t give him too much detail so Ravi wanted full price”

“Why?” Jongup asks abruptly “Why do we need IDs? I thought we were staying with you” There’s a vulnerability in Jongup’s voice that makes my heart clench. I don’t think he notices it himself but I can see the others do. Yongguk especially. 

“You are” Himchan agrees quickly. He answers with a finality that isn’t exactly soothing but does the trick. Jongup relaxes slightly, the answer assures him though it does nothing to ease the anxiety caused by meeting Himchan and Yongguk.

“You know we could’ve done that for you” Yoongi says “hell, Jihoon would’ve done it himself. For free” he adds

“It was Jae’s decision” Himchan says, “You know how he feels about you Mins”

Yoongi sniggers, “Yah! What did we ever do to you Jae-ah?”

You know what you did” I spit as Yoongi blows me a kiss. I know he’s only teasing and I shouldn’t take it so seriously but honestly… “go fuck yourself. With a cactus”

“Youngjae!” Yongguk warns me, “please be respectful” 

“ _ Che- _ ”   

“Can someone please answer me!” Jongup snaps. 

“We thought it would be better for you and your brother to have a fresh start,” Daehyun explains, “If you wanted”

Jongup doesn’t say anything, he just sits there, quiet and thoughtful. I’m not sure if we’ve made the right decision but without Jongup’s input I can’t be sure. 

Yongguk is watching Jongup with a quiet focus, waiting for his reaction “You don’t have to leave, you have a home here. After we’ve sorted this out, If you want that?”

“Why does everyone want to know what I want? Since when did I have a choice?” Jongup snarks, partly dismissive but all too serious. Yongguk’s expression falls, taken aback by the tone and meaning of Jonup’s statement. “Choices aside, until we’ve brought the Ring down, the boys will still be in danger.” Yoongi says deliberately changing the subject. 

“It’s going to take some time” Himchan agrees. 

 

The conversation washes over me in a haze, I’m concerned about Jongup. Hearing that they’ve got the chance for a fresh start should’ve made Jongup happy. I know when Himchan offered us the same, Daehyun was over the moon. But I wasn’t. Like Jongup, I wasn’t used to having a choice. So suddenly having not one, but two choices is overwhelming. As much as I’d like to talk to Jongup about how he’s feeling right now, I can’t. Not while the hyungs are here.


End file.
